Death tends to make people uncomfortable, and because of this people tend to not want to talk about suicide in a way that would be even remotely productive. Most responses to people who want to commit suicide are along the line of "you're just being selfish", "you just want attention","Its a permanent solution to a temporary problem" or "life is sacred". These are bad responses, and if the person is in a suicidal state of mind can just drive them further down that path; i.e. "fuck you! You can't tell me what to do". Do you notice something wrong about all of the above responses? You should.
I feel I need to put a disclaimer here. Not all of the websites I visited to check these had just these responses, some people responded in actually helpful ways, I just seek to explain the difference between them.
There are many problems in the way that people respond to suicide, the most glaring of which (to me at least) is by spouting platitudes instead of trying to talk through the problem. The responses "Life is sacred" and "permanent solution to a temporary problem" are just meaningless fucking platitudes designed to allay guilt while failing to engage the actual issue. If you are in a position where suicide is something you are genuinely considering life will not be meaningful. So by telling the person who doesn't put any value on their own life that they should "just put value in it" you are ultimately saying nothing. Meanwhile the "temporary problems" might not be so temporary. Unless the person fully explains their situation to you this statement offers nothing because you're making patronizing assumptions that will probably exacerbate the issue. Death with dignity laws have been passed in a few places because sometimes death is preferable to life in certain circumstances. I will admit sometimes people jump to suicide as being a solution too quickly, but just pointing out that its not the best solution doesn't do anything in the way of offering alternatives. And yes, sometimes the problems are temporary but that doesn't always look that way when you are in the midst of the problem.
The same problems arise from the responses that blame the person who wants to commit suicide. "You are being selfish" and "You just want attention" are responses that will only add to the problem. Recent studies on why suicide happens have shown that people who kill themselves tend to feel that they are burdensome to others. By adding blame to people who may be making a serious claim you might only be pushing them further down that path. The problem with the statements analyzed in the last paragraph and the ones in the current paragraph come down to one major theme: By issuing moralistic platitudes instead of trying to help, you are contributing to the problem.
Without seeking to understand where the person is coming from nothing you say will be helpful. The best way to respond to someone who wants to commit suicide is to talk with them about it and let them know that you are there to talk to. If you just want to say that you tried to help by spouting some cliche sentiment about how "life is precious", then the best thing that can be said about your "effort" is that you are not helping. Talking through problems isn't always effective, but the very least you can do is provide them with a place to look for people to talk to. Every time I have thought about suicide talking with people has helped, but this is just my personal experience. Some people will still commit suicide even after talking with people, but at least you will have actually tried to help.
(I would also like to point out this set of Hyperbole And A Half posts part 1 and part 2. This is one of the best illustrations of depression and how someone can deal with it that I have seen and deserves a read. Also the rest of her blog is quite good and I would recommend reading through it.)
No comments:
Post a Comment