Death is a strange thing. Most people fear it, many obsess over it, some fight it, a few embrace it, but it comes for everyone. I think at some point everyone considers what they want to do with their life, what, if anything, they want to leave behind. That's interesting to me.
A friend recently expressed concern for my health. Now, I have a preference for a well measured vice and an aversion to unnecessary discomfort, so her concern was understandable. That's not to say that I'm some Baron Harkonnen impersonator; raping slaveboys and wheezing while cultivating my own disgust, I'm just not as fit as I could possibly be. It occurred to me that, other than a pervasive rage and a severe, genetic chemical imbalance, I live pretty damn well; so her concern for my health probably wasn't a quality of life concern. It was a seeming concern that my fat/sassyness would result in an untimely and appropriate end. Which was a sentiment I found to be more than a little presumptuous as she seemed to be placing my potential longevity over my enjoyment of my existence. Its not the first time I've faced down this specific existential quandary, but it never gets any less troublesome.
There are two reasons to favor longevity. The first is a fear of death, which while understandable from a "fear of the unknown" perspective, is ridiculous in pretty much all other areas. The second is a desire to leave your mark on the world, which has always been an issue for me. For one, I'm a cynical, frustrated, rage-aholic, there is no mark I could leave on the world that would be good for anyone, myself included. Second, Ozymandias. Not only are the endeavors of your life transient, even if they do survive time will change them far beyond your intents, usually in ways that would lead you to despair. I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to make the world better, I'm saying that the greater your success the less it will matter in the long run. Not even accounting for the fact that actually setting out to change the world is a motivation of such colossal hubris that I can't believe that the mind behind it would accomplish anything good.
Death is the great equalizer, it comes for us all. I find that beautiful. Before it comes for me I would rather know that I sought joy for myself and the people I care about rather than spend my life seeking Pyrrhic victories and trying to fend off the inevitable. Life is the longest thing that you will ever be involved in, and I don't see the point in wasting it in toil.
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