The heat has once again melted my brain. I was going to do a whole thing about politicizing innocuous things and how it's mostly shitty and terrible, but right now all I can think about is the medical repercussions of doing a polar bear plunge with an erection. So instead of that here are five facts about the sun.
1. The core of the sun is approximately 13600000 degrees kelvin and is fueled largely by hydrogen, helium and the rage of Tonatuih, Aztec God of the Sun driven mad by the fires of his creation.
2. The average solar flare sets out with the heat of the sun's core and can reach the earth (~93000000 miles away) in as little two days. Not only demonstrating the great hatred Tonatuih holds in his heart but his incredible aim.
3. Someday, likely billions of years from now, Tonatuih's terrible loathing will kill him, setting the thunderous, nuclear inferno of the sun to expand through the solar system, destroying several planets including earth.
4. The sun is an atomic furnace, utilizing fusion to combine hydrogen and helium to form progressively large atoms like carbon and oxygen. Solar fusion is caused by the agonized writhing of the ever-burning mezzo-american deity.
5. Energy released by the sun is the source of nearly all life on earth, with the possible exception of certain abyssal lifeforms. Said abyssal life is fed via the million fishy teats of Mother Hydra, Consort of Dagon, Lord of the Deep Ones.
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