I've always been fascinated by the interplay of morality and ethics, as anyone whose been with us a while could probably attest to. Its not really just those two things, but they provide an easy shortcut for what I tend to think of as Personal Good and Social Good, and demonstrate the tension between the two pretty fucking effectively.
Personal Good is your moral code, but its also your personal philosophy on life. How you choose to live and the reasons you make those choices. Social Good, to me, is a simultaneously simpler and more nuanced topic. As far as I'm concerned the purpose of society is to ensure the greatest joy possible to its constituents, there was once a time when it was a survival mechanism, but adherence to that model is a relic of a shitty tribal impulse that we deeply need to get the fuck over. Notice, "greatest joy possible to its constituents." Not as many as possible. All. The entire reason we band together in groups is to benefit as a fucking group. With that in mind I tend to consider things in terms of freedom to pursue joy. At which point I come quite quickly to the old Lockean maxim (though I hate to lean on a dead man's words), "Your right to swing your fist ends at the next man's face" (in some book, presumably by John Locke).
In terms of the Social Good, that is pretty much absolute to me. To phrase it another way, your right to act as you please is inversely proportional to the amount of harm it causes. Not some esoteric, "moral fiber" bullshit. Harm. Non-consensual, unnecessary physical or psychological damage to other living things. Non-consensual, meaning any party is either unwilling or unable to freely and intentionally participate. Unnecessary, meaning not required for the continuation of one's own existence; harvesting to eat (meat or vegetation, provided the entire process is humane), harming in reasonable self-defense, and doing harm to protect another are all either allowable or encouraged depending.
Now, obviously this is a hierarchy, but its a subjective one. For me the Social Good tends to win out, you've got to reign in your darker impulses (impulses that tend to get justified by the Personal Good) or you make the world a worse place for everybody. There's no reason for that, a little more effort and a little forethought opens up a lot of possibilities for beneficial cooperation. I get that that isn't how everyone looks at it, many people put Personal Good first, either because its an easier starting point and they don't examine the issue much, or because they make the decision that their own way is the superior way. Most of the time this isn't really a problem honestly. People are by and large vanilla enough that their way doesn't have enough of an impact generally to be terribly concerned about in the long run. Either because their thing is close enough to the Social Good that it doesn't matter or because they never get up the gumption to bother doing anything anti-social.
However, some people are poison, they don't just put themselves first, they seek to fuck others over. And that is where the question becomes interesting. These people are unequivocally cunts, the little tiny pieces of shit that get lodged in a cultures colon and rot it slowly to a suppurating cancer, and their stupid shit saw us through some of the nastiest periods in history. Asshole behavior makes society worse as a whole, but selfishness dramatically increases the rate of survival in adverse environments. So it gets passed down, held on to. Not by everybody, but by enough to demonstrate success and spread, like successful strategies do.
I find that whole interaction to be deeply intellectually engaging. Seeing the wheels of society turn on conflicting and complex cogs of community and cock-knockery, as heartbreaking as it is to watch swathes of the population slowly try to shit the world to death, its almost hypnotizing. But just because a behavior is successful, doesn't mean its worthy, and just because a thing is hypnotizing doesn't mean you should sit back and watch it happen.
Monday, August 15, 2016
Monday, July 4, 2016
Home Again, Home Again
Holy shit, I'm home! Its been a long and joyful two weeks out and about in the universe but its always good to return to one's own bed. My ladywife and I spent a lesurely two weeks in Prague, punctuated by an all too short weekend in Amsterdam. Of course, for me the rest of my ridiculously charmed life would be too short a stay in Amsterdam, so I'll take what I can get quite gladly. Prague is a beautiful city, with gorgeous architecture and amazing food... that for some reason never really clicked with me. No one's fault, no hard feelings, just couldn't quite find my stride there. That said, if the opportunity arises, definitely go. Seriously, the food is incredible and the cost of living is downright comfortable. The people are a little... brusque, but people suck all over (though they seem to suck a good bit less in Amsterdam) and they seem to lighten up after a couple of the readily available and fantastic beers.
I do feel the need to make a serious comment, however. I spent a prodigious amount of time going from airport to airport this trip, 10 flights in two weeks, and I never felt less safe than when I was returning to this country. We laidover or stayed in half a dozen countries and, with the exception of my own, the border process was streamlined, respectful and complete. Get scanned, confirm your identity, carry on. However, on every occasion upon entering the U.S. the world became a very hostile place. A conspicuous proliferation of armed guards (a disconcerting number of whom had assault rifles), poorly trained K-9 units jumping and snapping at frightened civilians while their handlers laughed. State mandated molestation and intimidation. I couldn't help but feel ashamed at what we've let them do to us under the auspices of guaranteeing safety they do not provide. I really don't want to be preachy about it, but it was a viscerally disturbing experience and I hope one that goes quickly in to the annals of the history of abandoned ideas. Everybody travel safe out there.
I do feel the need to make a serious comment, however. I spent a prodigious amount of time going from airport to airport this trip, 10 flights in two weeks, and I never felt less safe than when I was returning to this country. We laidover or stayed in half a dozen countries and, with the exception of my own, the border process was streamlined, respectful and complete. Get scanned, confirm your identity, carry on. However, on every occasion upon entering the U.S. the world became a very hostile place. A conspicuous proliferation of armed guards (a disconcerting number of whom had assault rifles), poorly trained K-9 units jumping and snapping at frightened civilians while their handlers laughed. State mandated molestation and intimidation. I couldn't help but feel ashamed at what we've let them do to us under the auspices of guaranteeing safety they do not provide. I really don't want to be preachy about it, but it was a viscerally disturbing experience and I hope one that goes quickly in to the annals of the history of abandoned ideas. Everybody travel safe out there.
Monday, June 6, 2016
I Promise I Don't Know Anyone At CD Projeckt Red
Lately I've been playing Blood and Wine for The Witcher 3, and if there is one thing that can't be stressed enough about the expansion its that its fucking breathtaking. I'm not using that word lightly. I do not fuck about when I play games, I am a hard story/hard action player. Not happy unless I'm learning something relevant or killing something interesting. On at least three occasions in as many days I have stopped dead whatever quest or personal slaughter quota I was engaged in, lined up a specific view, and just had Geralt meditate until the moment when the light would be best to really experience a particular vista. The Witcher is a pretty fucking glorious game just generally, and the whole game is beautiful, but Toussaint is heartbreakingly gorgeous. To the point that just riding along a random coast road is a moving experience worthy of comment.
With the expansion they added a goddamn plethora of tiny UI and graphical improvements, cleaned up the crafting system by adding a badly needed buy option for materials that you don't have but the smith does. Though sadly it appears they didn't carry that into the alchemist shops, which given the the fact that you can do that yourself I can sort of understand. They also added an homage to the mutagen systems in the previous games by opening up the option to modify Geralt's mutation with some skills that almost make me alright with the fact that this is the third game in a contiguous series and you start at level fucking one.
So far Blood and Wine lives up to the hype entirely as far as I'm concerned. It's funny, engaging, vast, and displays an emotional landscape that takes the already vibrant and sympathetic characters that the series does so well and elevates them about as near as you can and still have them be fictional. There are games that I've had more fun playing, there are games that have scratched similar itches better, But I think B&W takes The Witcher 3 pretty handily to the #1 spot on my favorites list. Like ever.
With the expansion they added a goddamn plethora of tiny UI and graphical improvements, cleaned up the crafting system by adding a badly needed buy option for materials that you don't have but the smith does. Though sadly it appears they didn't carry that into the alchemist shops, which given the the fact that you can do that yourself I can sort of understand. They also added an homage to the mutagen systems in the previous games by opening up the option to modify Geralt's mutation with some skills that almost make me alright with the fact that this is the third game in a contiguous series and you start at level fucking one.
So far Blood and Wine lives up to the hype entirely as far as I'm concerned. It's funny, engaging, vast, and displays an emotional landscape that takes the already vibrant and sympathetic characters that the series does so well and elevates them about as near as you can and still have them be fictional. There are games that I've had more fun playing, there are games that have scratched similar itches better, But I think B&W takes The Witcher 3 pretty handily to the #1 spot on my favorites list. Like ever.
Friday, May 27, 2016
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This week we dove into some comedies to lighten up our current trend of movies. It ended up having a couple other themes that were partially unintentional. First is the redeemable asshole theme, and second was Bill Murray. This was a fun week. To the list!
1: Groundhog Day
I love this movie, mostly because Bill Murray is great, but also because I like the base premise. A TV weatherman is stuck in an infinite loop of a location shoot for a Groundhog day festival. It has been described as the perfect Buddhist movie, and I can see why. A man continually relives the same day over and over again, constantly understanding the world more and more. The movie starts off with Bill Murray over-indulging in vices, but soon becomes bored with it and starts improving himself and acting for other's benefit until he breaks the cycle. Besides that kind of nifty (and according to IMDB unintentional) interpretation, it is just a fun movie. It makes the most of Murray's style of sarcastic humor really well, and shows off how this type of situation might actually play out. If you kept repeating the same day over and over again, would you try to become a master of everything you could? Its a delightful movie with a good cast (Andie MacDowell and Murray have some good chemistry) and a nifty message, check it out.
Eshi: Groundhog Day has everything that makes Bill Murray great; he's sharp, sarcastic, witty, cruel, touching, charming, crude. Its beautiful. One of the things that I particularly enjoyed, especially in the Buddhist context, is how at no point does Murray's character evolve on his own. Every moment of epiphany, from his initial hedonistic plunge to his inexorable enlightenment, is accompanied by the gentle guidance of Andie MacDowell's character. I really enjoy that his personal evolution only takes place because of other people. It has definitely earned its status.
2: Kingpin
Kingpin is another one of those stories where a disgraced sports hero helps a "young" talent make it to the big leagues. Where kingpin differs is that it doesn't treat the premise with any real sense of seriousness. This is a Farrelly brothers movie after all, and the sport is bowling, something that isn't considered a sport by most of the populace. A bunch of this particular movie trope popped up after this one, and while I know this wasn't the first to do it, I know that it was the first I saw that was done like this. I really liked Randy Quaid in this movie, though I think that Bill Murray and Woody Harrelson are far funnier than he is. Vanessa Angel's character kind of disappoints me a little. She basically disappears from the movie just as her plot starts to actually resolve until the end of the film, and I can kinda get why, but I think the relationship with Harrelson's character could have been explored more (two broken people forming a relationship via mutual understanding and support, but I don't think that's the point of the movie, so I see why the didn't). Its a fun movie, check it out.
Eshi: Oh Randy Quaid, what the fuck man. I'm not sure anyone else could have pulled off his character in this. I don't know what it is about being crazier than the bear that fucked the porcupine that lends itself so well to wide-eyed naiveté but it's the best. Brian is right, Vanessa Angel's role was a bit of a wasted opportunity. I like Woody Harrelson but I always have a hard time believing him as an asshole, I can't not see him as an affable stoner, but I guess thats more my fault than his. It's also pretty amazing how Bill Murray can always make a skeezy douchebag fun, even at his most hate-able he's still charming.
3: Caddyshack
Caddyshack is about a kid who wants to go to college, working though the summer at a golf course to pay for his education. That being said the movie changes gears constantly and that story falls by the wayside and the movie becomes more and more about the wacky people who populate the club. I think there is a good reason for this. The side characters have far more personality and charisma than the leading man, and are Chevey Chase, Bill Murray, and fucking Rodney Dangerfield. This is a movie I saw when I was probably too young, though that's the case with most movies I have seen, and rewatching it now was a little odd. It wasn't as funny as I remember it being, though the jokes I didn't get as a kid were far funnier now. Its an odd feeling, challenging nostalgia. That being said, its still a very funny movie and you should check it out.
Eshi: Caddyshack tells the story of a fuck-hungry young man that nobody gives a fuck about trying to schmooze his way into college. This is all about the big names. Rodney Dangerfeild is a dynamo, Chevey Chase is a dick, and Bill Murray proves his ability to straight up make a character pretty much just by showing up. It's a ball to watch, though I can understand how it might have diminished with time.
1: Groundhog Day
I love this movie, mostly because Bill Murray is great, but also because I like the base premise. A TV weatherman is stuck in an infinite loop of a location shoot for a Groundhog day festival. It has been described as the perfect Buddhist movie, and I can see why. A man continually relives the same day over and over again, constantly understanding the world more and more. The movie starts off with Bill Murray over-indulging in vices, but soon becomes bored with it and starts improving himself and acting for other's benefit until he breaks the cycle. Besides that kind of nifty (and according to IMDB unintentional) interpretation, it is just a fun movie. It makes the most of Murray's style of sarcastic humor really well, and shows off how this type of situation might actually play out. If you kept repeating the same day over and over again, would you try to become a master of everything you could? Its a delightful movie with a good cast (Andie MacDowell and Murray have some good chemistry) and a nifty message, check it out.
Eshi: Groundhog Day has everything that makes Bill Murray great; he's sharp, sarcastic, witty, cruel, touching, charming, crude. Its beautiful. One of the things that I particularly enjoyed, especially in the Buddhist context, is how at no point does Murray's character evolve on his own. Every moment of epiphany, from his initial hedonistic plunge to his inexorable enlightenment, is accompanied by the gentle guidance of Andie MacDowell's character. I really enjoy that his personal evolution only takes place because of other people. It has definitely earned its status.
2: Kingpin
Kingpin is another one of those stories where a disgraced sports hero helps a "young" talent make it to the big leagues. Where kingpin differs is that it doesn't treat the premise with any real sense of seriousness. This is a Farrelly brothers movie after all, and the sport is bowling, something that isn't considered a sport by most of the populace. A bunch of this particular movie trope popped up after this one, and while I know this wasn't the first to do it, I know that it was the first I saw that was done like this. I really liked Randy Quaid in this movie, though I think that Bill Murray and Woody Harrelson are far funnier than he is. Vanessa Angel's character kind of disappoints me a little. She basically disappears from the movie just as her plot starts to actually resolve until the end of the film, and I can kinda get why, but I think the relationship with Harrelson's character could have been explored more (two broken people forming a relationship via mutual understanding and support, but I don't think that's the point of the movie, so I see why the didn't). Its a fun movie, check it out.
Eshi: Oh Randy Quaid, what the fuck man. I'm not sure anyone else could have pulled off his character in this. I don't know what it is about being crazier than the bear that fucked the porcupine that lends itself so well to wide-eyed naiveté but it's the best. Brian is right, Vanessa Angel's role was a bit of a wasted opportunity. I like Woody Harrelson but I always have a hard time believing him as an asshole, I can't not see him as an affable stoner, but I guess thats more my fault than his. It's also pretty amazing how Bill Murray can always make a skeezy douchebag fun, even at his most hate-able he's still charming.
3: Caddyshack
Caddyshack is about a kid who wants to go to college, working though the summer at a golf course to pay for his education. That being said the movie changes gears constantly and that story falls by the wayside and the movie becomes more and more about the wacky people who populate the club. I think there is a good reason for this. The side characters have far more personality and charisma than the leading man, and are Chevey Chase, Bill Murray, and fucking Rodney Dangerfield. This is a movie I saw when I was probably too young, though that's the case with most movies I have seen, and rewatching it now was a little odd. It wasn't as funny as I remember it being, though the jokes I didn't get as a kid were far funnier now. Its an odd feeling, challenging nostalgia. That being said, its still a very funny movie and you should check it out.
Eshi: Caddyshack tells the story of a fuck-hungry young man that nobody gives a fuck about trying to schmooze his way into college. This is all about the big names. Rodney Dangerfeild is a dynamo, Chevey Chase is a dick, and Bill Murray proves his ability to straight up make a character pretty much just by showing up. It's a ball to watch, though I can understand how it might have diminished with time.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Zero Provocation
I have weird feelings about gaming journalism. On one hand we greatly enjoy the services, both journalistic and recreational, of folks like Jim Sterling, Laura Dale, and Yahtzee Croshaw. Jim Sterling in particular is an eloquent and earnest consumer advocate whom I greatly admire. On the other hand, a great deal of time and money has been dedicated to creating a powerful, public-facing back-feed loop in the area of games media. The sheer shameless, entitled corruption in mainstream gaming journalism has been so pervasive and so resented for so many years that it periodically gets tied to some asscheese's personal beef with someone in the industry by gossamer threads and we all go on a merry hatebinge for a week or so.
The good works and great joy contributed by the bad-ass PCs mentioned previously give me something very much like hope. It could just be an erection, but I'm pretty sure hope is involved. It's hard not be jaded about it though. I've been gaming since my fingers were big enough to push the buttons, and for most of that time gamers have been losing some really important battles to corporate profits. We've seen a couple big wins over the years; the slow, steady grinds towards greater inclusion and acceptance, towards better transparency in the industry and towards gaming as a positive force in the world.
Unfortunately, we've also suffered some pretty heavy consumer defeats. The hype-machine of mainstream games journalism has contributed to the success of anti-consumer standards for years, they've been selling out and selling us out since the console wars.
So really, I guess I don't have weird feelings about games journalism. I have a deep love and appreciation for games journalists and the work they do on our behalf, and an articulated, slow-fucking hateboner for the corporate schills who've consistently collaborated with those who would do harm. So pretty much like regular journalism.
The good works and great joy contributed by the bad-ass PCs mentioned previously give me something very much like hope. It could just be an erection, but I'm pretty sure hope is involved. It's hard not be jaded about it though. I've been gaming since my fingers were big enough to push the buttons, and for most of that time gamers have been losing some really important battles to corporate profits. We've seen a couple big wins over the years; the slow, steady grinds towards greater inclusion and acceptance, towards better transparency in the industry and towards gaming as a positive force in the world.
Unfortunately, we've also suffered some pretty heavy consumer defeats. The hype-machine of mainstream games journalism has contributed to the success of anti-consumer standards for years, they've been selling out and selling us out since the console wars.
So really, I guess I don't have weird feelings about games journalism. I have a deep love and appreciation for games journalists and the work they do on our behalf, and an articulated, slow-fucking hateboner for the corporate schills who've consistently collaborated with those who would do harm. So pretty much like regular journalism.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This week we have such sights to show you, with Hellraiser 1-3. This is another one of the catch up weeks. I had seen the first Hellraiser and one of the other ones (I thought it was 2, but I was wrong) and Eshi hadn't seen any. I have odd feelings about the series because I like this kind of gory body horror, but it gets very silly very quickly. I also know that there are 8 sequels, which might be too many. Anyway, to the list!
1: Hellraiser
Hellraiser is a movie written and directed by Clive Barker, and is a wonderful example of why body horror is great. This movie introduced the world to Cenobites, demons who used to be people who were transformed by an obsession with sensation. The story isn't super complex, but it sounds odd. Basically, there is a puzzle box that if you solve it, opens a gate to hell and a bunch of Cenobites come out and torture you to death. Hellraiser deals with a guy who accidentally escapes from this torture and convinces an old lover to kill people so he can be fully resurrected. Antics Ensue. For the time the effects are great and Andrew Robinson plays a great bad guy (he played Garak in DS9). Its a good movie if you like gore and creepy villains. Doug Bradley is also great as pinhead. There's a reason the character is so popular. Check it out if you like some good old fashioned body horror.
Eshi: I kinda feel like Hellraiser is inspired by the kind of porn watched by lovecraftian cultists. Pleasures man wasn't meant to know making monsters out of viscera and cum. Doug Bradley builds the character of Pinhead well, well enough to earn the cult following these films have gathered. Watching shitty person after shitty person get chain fucked into oblivion is a surprisingly resilient pleasure, as a full week of Hellraiser movies has attested to. The concept behind the Cenobites is joyous to me, both in their sensation seeking and in their relative neutrality. Hellraiser opens on the Cenobites being summoned by a willing (if ill-advised) man, torturing him for the psychedelic sadomasochistic pleasures of one and all, and then politely cleaning up after themselves and going back to hell. Those motherfuckers are classy, as movie monsters go.
2: Hellbound: Hellraiser II
I like when sequels show off how the first movie impacted the world, and also add some context for the events of the first movie. In this case Hellraiser II shows the mental damage that the events of the first movie had on the heroine while also showing us the backstory of Pinhead and how Cenobites are made. It also includes a Doctor that had been obsessed with the puzzle boxes and cenobites and uses his influence to get all of the victims he can so that he can research them. Its a take on the Cthulian cultist and it makes him a very fun character to watch. Its not as good as the first movie but it gives you more of an interesting world, and fills in some interesting mythology. Its a fun movie, check it out.
Eshi: Hellbound strengthened all of my lovecraftian theories about the series. A trend to continue (spoilers). There is a moment in the film that, to me, perfectly encompasses the moment when an investigator becomes a cultist. It's beautiful. I'm not super keen on any of the cast in this one except Doug Bradley, so he ends up carrying the film despite his relative lack of screen time. Really, the world building makes this one, and makes it one of the better attempts.
3: Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth
I have a feeling that this movie is where the series started to tailspin. An investigative reporter starts looking into the death of a person due to hooked chains. This event causes her to become embroiled in a plan Pinhead has to break into reality permanently. The movie started out very similarly to the first two but goes out of fucking control when an army of cenobites start fucking shit up in the real world. Terry Farrel, who was also in DS9 as Jadzia Dax, plays Joey, the investigative journalist, is a competent actress and this movie throws a lot of shit at her character which she handles well. Pinhead is really good in this movie, as both his pre and post cenobiting incarnations, and kind of made watching the movie worth it. Its an interesting film, but the flood of silly cenobites made the ending a little laughable. Check it out if you saw the first two, but don't expect to much.
Eshi: There is a Cenobite that is also a robotic cd player, and that is probably the most indicative thing I can say about Hell on Earth.
1: Hellraiser
Hellraiser is a movie written and directed by Clive Barker, and is a wonderful example of why body horror is great. This movie introduced the world to Cenobites, demons who used to be people who were transformed by an obsession with sensation. The story isn't super complex, but it sounds odd. Basically, there is a puzzle box that if you solve it, opens a gate to hell and a bunch of Cenobites come out and torture you to death. Hellraiser deals with a guy who accidentally escapes from this torture and convinces an old lover to kill people so he can be fully resurrected. Antics Ensue. For the time the effects are great and Andrew Robinson plays a great bad guy (he played Garak in DS9). Its a good movie if you like gore and creepy villains. Doug Bradley is also great as pinhead. There's a reason the character is so popular. Check it out if you like some good old fashioned body horror.
Eshi: I kinda feel like Hellraiser is inspired by the kind of porn watched by lovecraftian cultists. Pleasures man wasn't meant to know making monsters out of viscera and cum. Doug Bradley builds the character of Pinhead well, well enough to earn the cult following these films have gathered. Watching shitty person after shitty person get chain fucked into oblivion is a surprisingly resilient pleasure, as a full week of Hellraiser movies has attested to. The concept behind the Cenobites is joyous to me, both in their sensation seeking and in their relative neutrality. Hellraiser opens on the Cenobites being summoned by a willing (if ill-advised) man, torturing him for the psychedelic sadomasochistic pleasures of one and all, and then politely cleaning up after themselves and going back to hell. Those motherfuckers are classy, as movie monsters go.
2: Hellbound: Hellraiser II
I like when sequels show off how the first movie impacted the world, and also add some context for the events of the first movie. In this case Hellraiser II shows the mental damage that the events of the first movie had on the heroine while also showing us the backstory of Pinhead and how Cenobites are made. It also includes a Doctor that had been obsessed with the puzzle boxes and cenobites and uses his influence to get all of the victims he can so that he can research them. Its a take on the Cthulian cultist and it makes him a very fun character to watch. Its not as good as the first movie but it gives you more of an interesting world, and fills in some interesting mythology. Its a fun movie, check it out.
Eshi: Hellbound strengthened all of my lovecraftian theories about the series. A trend to continue (spoilers). There is a moment in the film that, to me, perfectly encompasses the moment when an investigator becomes a cultist. It's beautiful. I'm not super keen on any of the cast in this one except Doug Bradley, so he ends up carrying the film despite his relative lack of screen time. Really, the world building makes this one, and makes it one of the better attempts.
3: Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth
I have a feeling that this movie is where the series started to tailspin. An investigative reporter starts looking into the death of a person due to hooked chains. This event causes her to become embroiled in a plan Pinhead has to break into reality permanently. The movie started out very similarly to the first two but goes out of fucking control when an army of cenobites start fucking shit up in the real world. Terry Farrel, who was also in DS9 as Jadzia Dax, plays Joey, the investigative journalist, is a competent actress and this movie throws a lot of shit at her character which she handles well. Pinhead is really good in this movie, as both his pre and post cenobiting incarnations, and kind of made watching the movie worth it. Its an interesting film, but the flood of silly cenobites made the ending a little laughable. Check it out if you saw the first two, but don't expect to much.
Eshi: There is a Cenobite that is also a robotic cd player, and that is probably the most indicative thing I can say about Hell on Earth.
Monday, May 9, 2016
Getting The Poison Out
Last week was slow, sorry about that. Just one of those weeks where there aren't any fucks to spare. We'll see if this week manages to surpass the legacy of the last one.
I'm bad at finishing things. Pretty much always have been. I think its a weird side effect of a deep and formative abandonment complex. I can hardly bare to read a book all the way through for feeling like I'm losing something. It's probably got something to do with a more than healthy sense of sloth too, but it's not just that. I feel like finishing something is putting it behind you in a way I'm uncomfortable with. Like you're putting aside something that you've given a bit of yourself to. I don't know, it's strange to write about.
When I take on a project; a story, designing a game, running a campaign, I feel fantastic. I love the idea of creating something, leaving even a small good thing in the world. But then there comes a point where I can see the end of the thing and I shut down. I don't know how to just let a thing be done and move on with my life, so I get all fuckheaded and lose the vision. Even if I do manage to finish a project of any consequence it falls apart at the end because I'm too messed up by then to wrap it up elegantly. I'm working on it but the more I explore the anxiety, the more things it seems to tie to. It's disheartening to see how much of my life, how many people I care about, have been affected by my panicked death grip on the objects of my affection. The terrible fear that the things I love will leave me.
I hate that last sentence. It's been slowly ruining my life since I was a child. Writing it makes my heart drop. Because its a self-fulfilling prophesy. I can't stand to finish a project and be done with something I've invested myself in, so I poison my own projects. I'm so terrified of losing the people I care about I freak out and risk driving them away. I feel like its getting better but the more I work on it the bigger it seems, hopefully attention bias. I know this is kind of a masturbatory post, but this is where I write things I'm thinking about. I don't know, fuck it.
I'm bad at finishing things. Pretty much always have been. I think its a weird side effect of a deep and formative abandonment complex. I can hardly bare to read a book all the way through for feeling like I'm losing something. It's probably got something to do with a more than healthy sense of sloth too, but it's not just that. I feel like finishing something is putting it behind you in a way I'm uncomfortable with. Like you're putting aside something that you've given a bit of yourself to. I don't know, it's strange to write about.
When I take on a project; a story, designing a game, running a campaign, I feel fantastic. I love the idea of creating something, leaving even a small good thing in the world. But then there comes a point where I can see the end of the thing and I shut down. I don't know how to just let a thing be done and move on with my life, so I get all fuckheaded and lose the vision. Even if I do manage to finish a project of any consequence it falls apart at the end because I'm too messed up by then to wrap it up elegantly. I'm working on it but the more I explore the anxiety, the more things it seems to tie to. It's disheartening to see how much of my life, how many people I care about, have been affected by my panicked death grip on the objects of my affection. The terrible fear that the things I love will leave me.
I hate that last sentence. It's been slowly ruining my life since I was a child. Writing it makes my heart drop. Because its a self-fulfilling prophesy. I can't stand to finish a project and be done with something I've invested myself in, so I poison my own projects. I'm so terrified of losing the people I care about I freak out and risk driving them away. I feel like its getting better but the more I work on it the bigger it seems, hopefully attention bias. I know this is kind of a masturbatory post, but this is where I write things I'm thinking about. I don't know, fuck it.
Friday, April 29, 2016
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This week we are continuing our quest to fill in gaps with some Hitchcock. Hitchcock is considered to be one of the better directors, and I can see why. He has some great ways of filming scenes and his ability to generate tension is great. I loved this week. To the list!
1: The Birds
I saw this movie when I was in middle school, and it has stuck with me since then. The Birds is an interesting horror movie premise because it takes something that is always in the background and makes it the danger. In the movie Psycho, Norman Bates even says that birds are naturally passive so it makes them seem non-threatening. This is the very basis of what makes good horror, and this was my first real example of that. The scenes where like 500 birds are all standing around, watching, are still chilling to this day. There isn't a bit of soundtrack in the movie, which also makes the bird's screeches stand out more. Though the story seems a little contrived. It's basically a romantic comedy that turns into a horror movie. Tippi Hedren's character is a stalker, no doubt about it, but that's ok because the guy she is stalking wants to bone her. Other than the odd setup, its a good movie, check it out.
Eshi: The Birds is the heartwarming tale of two unhinged fancy people courting disconcertingly over a backdrop of rural bird-murder. Hitchcock does a great job of making the innocuous stupidity of seagulls and turn it into dead-eyed malice. It's kinda like the reverse of Full Metal Jacket, the first bit is pretty banal and dead, much like I image the lives of the characters are, but then half way through it turns into a different movie, one where people get fucked up by egg-laying demons from the sky. I quite enjoyed The Birds in all, definitely give it a shot.
2: Psycho
Psycho starts out as a woman trying to escape after committing a crime. She hides out in a motel and then shit gets crazy. Anthony Perkins makes this movie. Everyone in it is good, but he is great. He's charming, disarming and unsettling all at once, and it makes him one of the best psychopaths in movie history. I also loved the way that Hitchcock used a narration track to show what Janet Leigh's character thought other people thought of her. It is an interesting way of going about showing the turmoil a character is feeling. The movie is tense and full of depth, it is fantastic. I know that this movie is well known for its twist but just in case you haven't seen it I don't want to talk about it here. Watch it.
Eshi: Psycho is kind of a delightful downward spiral. Things consistently get worse for pretty much everyone and it culminates in deep crazy in a way that was revolutionary for the time. As Brian said, Anthony Perkins is the soul of this film, though the fact that he then goes on to be involved in a Hitchcock-free Psycho 2 and 3 is somewhat discouraging. Psycho is a legendary piece of cinema and it deserves it.
3: Rope
I am disappointed in myself for not having seen this movie before. It is fantastic. The movie was shot in only a few long shots/takes (read the IMDB trivia page for some interesting stuff on that) which explains some of the odd shots that they do for transitions. Rope is about two people who kill a man because he is "intellectually inferior" to them. One of the men, who planned the whole thing, decides to throw a party afterwords to flaunt how perfect his crime is. One of the guests that he invites (James Stewart) figures out that something is wrong and spends the rest of the movie piecing the murder together. Jimmy Stewart is great, and plays an amazing character. His monologue at the end of the film is great and adds a good amount of weight to the preceding. John Dall also plays an amazing bad guy, even though he makes some very stupid mistakes. This movie is a great, tense, thriller that you should watch, if you like that kind of thing.
Eshi: This movie could alternately be titled "Pride Cometh Before the Fall" or "Nice Try Asshole". Jimmy Stewart is fucking phenomenal as the keen, misanthropic professor, and his overall chemistry shines with very nearly everyone on set. The whole film is peppered with agonizing shots and dialog as everyone at the party just barely edges around finding out the truth. Fucking masterful, watch it.
1: The Birds
I saw this movie when I was in middle school, and it has stuck with me since then. The Birds is an interesting horror movie premise because it takes something that is always in the background and makes it the danger. In the movie Psycho, Norman Bates even says that birds are naturally passive so it makes them seem non-threatening. This is the very basis of what makes good horror, and this was my first real example of that. The scenes where like 500 birds are all standing around, watching, are still chilling to this day. There isn't a bit of soundtrack in the movie, which also makes the bird's screeches stand out more. Though the story seems a little contrived. It's basically a romantic comedy that turns into a horror movie. Tippi Hedren's character is a stalker, no doubt about it, but that's ok because the guy she is stalking wants to bone her. Other than the odd setup, its a good movie, check it out.
Eshi: The Birds is the heartwarming tale of two unhinged fancy people courting disconcertingly over a backdrop of rural bird-murder. Hitchcock does a great job of making the innocuous stupidity of seagulls and turn it into dead-eyed malice. It's kinda like the reverse of Full Metal Jacket, the first bit is pretty banal and dead, much like I image the lives of the characters are, but then half way through it turns into a different movie, one where people get fucked up by egg-laying demons from the sky. I quite enjoyed The Birds in all, definitely give it a shot.
2: Psycho
Psycho starts out as a woman trying to escape after committing a crime. She hides out in a motel and then shit gets crazy. Anthony Perkins makes this movie. Everyone in it is good, but he is great. He's charming, disarming and unsettling all at once, and it makes him one of the best psychopaths in movie history. I also loved the way that Hitchcock used a narration track to show what Janet Leigh's character thought other people thought of her. It is an interesting way of going about showing the turmoil a character is feeling. The movie is tense and full of depth, it is fantastic. I know that this movie is well known for its twist but just in case you haven't seen it I don't want to talk about it here. Watch it.
Eshi: Psycho is kind of a delightful downward spiral. Things consistently get worse for pretty much everyone and it culminates in deep crazy in a way that was revolutionary for the time. As Brian said, Anthony Perkins is the soul of this film, though the fact that he then goes on to be involved in a Hitchcock-free Psycho 2 and 3 is somewhat discouraging. Psycho is a legendary piece of cinema and it deserves it.
3: Rope
I am disappointed in myself for not having seen this movie before. It is fantastic. The movie was shot in only a few long shots/takes (read the IMDB trivia page for some interesting stuff on that) which explains some of the odd shots that they do for transitions. Rope is about two people who kill a man because he is "intellectually inferior" to them. One of the men, who planned the whole thing, decides to throw a party afterwords to flaunt how perfect his crime is. One of the guests that he invites (James Stewart) figures out that something is wrong and spends the rest of the movie piecing the murder together. Jimmy Stewart is great, and plays an amazing character. His monologue at the end of the film is great and adds a good amount of weight to the preceding. John Dall also plays an amazing bad guy, even though he makes some very stupid mistakes. This movie is a great, tense, thriller that you should watch, if you like that kind of thing.
Eshi: This movie could alternately be titled "Pride Cometh Before the Fall" or "Nice Try Asshole". Jimmy Stewart is fucking phenomenal as the keen, misanthropic professor, and his overall chemistry shines with very nearly everyone on set. The whole film is peppered with agonizing shots and dialog as everyone at the party just barely edges around finding out the truth. Fucking masterful, watch it.
Monday, April 25, 2016
Shameful Self-promotion
So I wrote a weird little story. Its a little long to post here so its up here instead. Give it a read if you've got a minute.
Friday, April 22, 2016
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This week we decided to fill in some cultural gaps for Eshi by watching the Indiana Jones Trilogy. Now, I saw these movies when I was like, 12. I remember liking them a lot. I mean, Han Solo, running around being an archeologist, hell yes. There is no denying the cultural impact of these movies, and the disappointment from the fourth was probably felt a little harder because of what we had come to expect from the series. Regardless, lets take a look at the good ones. To the list!
1: Raiders of The Lost Ark
One of the first things I noticed about rewatching this at my age; did Indy rape Marion? Is Indy a pedophile? Here, this is their entire exchange (taken from IMDB):
1: Raiders of The Lost Ark
One of the first things I noticed about rewatching this at my age; did Indy rape Marion? Is Indy a pedophile? Here, this is their entire exchange (taken from IMDB):
Indiana:
Hello, Marion.
Marion: Indiana Jones. I always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door. I never doubted that. Something made it inevitable. So, what are you doing here in Nepal?
Indiana: I need one of the pieces your father collected.
[Marion surprises him with a right cross to the jaw]
Marion: I've learned to hate you in the last ten years!
Indiana: I never meant to hurt you.
Marion: I was a child. I was in love. It was wrong and you knew it!
Indiana: You knew what you were doing.
Marion: Now I do. This is my place. Get out!
This is an uncomfortable thing that popped up in our rewatching of raiders that I didn't see when I was younger, and it kind of lends a fucked up flavor to the rest of the movie. Regardless, I just wanted to point it out in case any one else might have forgotten about it. Raiders is a pretty good movie about an "archeologist" working for the U.S. government and tasked with finding the ark of the covenant before the Nazis because it might be a weapon. Harrison Ford is really good at playing a rogue archetype. He has the looks and the charisma to pull it off well, which is why he also flourished as Han Solo. While the movie takes some pretty extreme liberties with archeology, it's still fun to watch. Like its sequels, you cannot take it to seriously. These movies are meant to be pulp-y adventures and Raiders catches that feeling well. Chases are over the top, the fights are exciting, and the movie revels in bombastic set pieces. The cast is good, and have good chemistry together. Its a fun movie, that influenced so much in cinema that it should be watched just to see the influence it lends.
Eshi: I've ignored the whole Indiana Jones franchise for years. Didn't watch it as a kid until the unspeakable fourth one came out, and that kinda poisoned me against the rest of the series. Recently, as Brian said, I've been trying to fill in some of my cinematic gaps. So we decided Indy had to happen. Raiders was lots of fun. Harrison Ford, as a tomb-raiding archeologist in a world where the average I.Q. is down thirty or forty points on average, is the lovable, bumbling douchebag so many action stars wish they could pull off. You end up liking him despite yourself, implied sexual exploitation and everything. It's worth the watch on a lazy weekend.
2: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
I am not really a fan of this movie. It feels too much like the people who made it wanted to make a more child friendly movie than raiders to expand the demographic. That being said, there is some gruesome shit in this movie that makes it not ok for kids. People are ripped apart by gators at one point. The main bad guy rips the heart out of someone's chest and the burns them alive (long story involving evil magic). This movie was the weakest in the trilogy until they decided to not make it a trilogy anymore. It seems a little too much like "white guy saves the day" for me, and I don't think it has a great grasp on the religion it portrays (why the hell was a voodoo doll in this movie?). That being said, some of the chase scenes are fun and the movie is at least watchable. Also, what the hell happened to Short Round? This movie takes place a year before raiders, but he is not in that movie at all. Just saying. Anyway, check it out.
Eshi: Racism is out of control. Temple of Doom develops an auto-fellatio problem that only seems to worsen as the franchise continues. ToD is a prequel, which has the unfortunate side effect of making Dr. Jones in the first movie an even bigger piece of shit. Indy isn't just an affable dickhead anymore, he's a willingly deluded (watches a dude murder people with his racist hate magic, still doesn't believe in all the "hocus pocus"), multiple-kidnapper (Short Round is a fucking street urchin that Indy just kinda takes, and he literally holds Kate Capshaw's character hostage in order to extort/escape from fucking mobsters), whose most endearing feature is a meme. Feel free to skip this one.
3: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
I really like this movie. Some of the "puzzles" that get solved don't make sense (the roman numeral one in particular seemed stupid) and how Indiana speaks English in Nazi Germany and isn't arrested didn't make sense, but it is still a fun movie. After watching all those James Bond movies it was nice to see Sean Connery as a bumbler. Connery is a great actor, and he has a lot of fun with this role. I found it odd that they made one of the Nazis seem like they might turn around and be a good guy but then just drops that and kills them off. The movie still remains action packed with some great chase scenes. I love it when a movie just decides to go over the top and does so well. It's so easy for that to get out of hand and dumb, but Last Crusade handles the action with finesse (most of the time). This movie is fun, check it out. Also, remember your Charlemagne.
Eshi: I feel like Sean Connery kinda saved this movie. Indy continues his decent into masturbatory material for Spielberg and Lucas, wandering ever farther into the land of unintentional competence porn. Allison Doody has no chemistry with Harrison Ford whatsoever, which makes his persistent molestation, and her apparent apathy, uncomfortable. Connery, however, is just the right amount of clueless nerd, confusedly stumbling through hostile situations, too oblivious to acknowledge his own immanent peril. Last Crusade is back to fun, despite it's flaws. Maybe give it a go.
Marion: Indiana Jones. I always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door. I never doubted that. Something made it inevitable. So, what are you doing here in Nepal?
Indiana: I need one of the pieces your father collected.
[Marion surprises him with a right cross to the jaw]
Marion: I've learned to hate you in the last ten years!
Indiana: I never meant to hurt you.
Marion: I was a child. I was in love. It was wrong and you knew it!
Indiana: You knew what you were doing.
Marion: Now I do. This is my place. Get out!
This is an uncomfortable thing that popped up in our rewatching of raiders that I didn't see when I was younger, and it kind of lends a fucked up flavor to the rest of the movie. Regardless, I just wanted to point it out in case any one else might have forgotten about it. Raiders is a pretty good movie about an "archeologist" working for the U.S. government and tasked with finding the ark of the covenant before the Nazis because it might be a weapon. Harrison Ford is really good at playing a rogue archetype. He has the looks and the charisma to pull it off well, which is why he also flourished as Han Solo. While the movie takes some pretty extreme liberties with archeology, it's still fun to watch. Like its sequels, you cannot take it to seriously. These movies are meant to be pulp-y adventures and Raiders catches that feeling well. Chases are over the top, the fights are exciting, and the movie revels in bombastic set pieces. The cast is good, and have good chemistry together. Its a fun movie, that influenced so much in cinema that it should be watched just to see the influence it lends.
Eshi: I've ignored the whole Indiana Jones franchise for years. Didn't watch it as a kid until the unspeakable fourth one came out, and that kinda poisoned me against the rest of the series. Recently, as Brian said, I've been trying to fill in some of my cinematic gaps. So we decided Indy had to happen. Raiders was lots of fun. Harrison Ford, as a tomb-raiding archeologist in a world where the average I.Q. is down thirty or forty points on average, is the lovable, bumbling douchebag so many action stars wish they could pull off. You end up liking him despite yourself, implied sexual exploitation and everything. It's worth the watch on a lazy weekend.
2: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
I am not really a fan of this movie. It feels too much like the people who made it wanted to make a more child friendly movie than raiders to expand the demographic. That being said, there is some gruesome shit in this movie that makes it not ok for kids. People are ripped apart by gators at one point. The main bad guy rips the heart out of someone's chest and the burns them alive (long story involving evil magic). This movie was the weakest in the trilogy until they decided to not make it a trilogy anymore. It seems a little too much like "white guy saves the day" for me, and I don't think it has a great grasp on the religion it portrays (why the hell was a voodoo doll in this movie?). That being said, some of the chase scenes are fun and the movie is at least watchable. Also, what the hell happened to Short Round? This movie takes place a year before raiders, but he is not in that movie at all. Just saying. Anyway, check it out.
Eshi: Racism is out of control. Temple of Doom develops an auto-fellatio problem that only seems to worsen as the franchise continues. ToD is a prequel, which has the unfortunate side effect of making Dr. Jones in the first movie an even bigger piece of shit. Indy isn't just an affable dickhead anymore, he's a willingly deluded (watches a dude murder people with his racist hate magic, still doesn't believe in all the "hocus pocus"), multiple-kidnapper (Short Round is a fucking street urchin that Indy just kinda takes, and he literally holds Kate Capshaw's character hostage in order to extort/escape from fucking mobsters), whose most endearing feature is a meme. Feel free to skip this one.
3: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
I really like this movie. Some of the "puzzles" that get solved don't make sense (the roman numeral one in particular seemed stupid) and how Indiana speaks English in Nazi Germany and isn't arrested didn't make sense, but it is still a fun movie. After watching all those James Bond movies it was nice to see Sean Connery as a bumbler. Connery is a great actor, and he has a lot of fun with this role. I found it odd that they made one of the Nazis seem like they might turn around and be a good guy but then just drops that and kills them off. The movie still remains action packed with some great chase scenes. I love it when a movie just decides to go over the top and does so well. It's so easy for that to get out of hand and dumb, but Last Crusade handles the action with finesse (most of the time). This movie is fun, check it out. Also, remember your Charlemagne.
Eshi: I feel like Sean Connery kinda saved this movie. Indy continues his decent into masturbatory material for Spielberg and Lucas, wandering ever farther into the land of unintentional competence porn. Allison Doody has no chemistry with Harrison Ford whatsoever, which makes his persistent molestation, and her apparent apathy, uncomfortable. Connery, however, is just the right amount of clueless nerd, confusedly stumbling through hostile situations, too oblivious to acknowledge his own immanent peril. Last Crusade is back to fun, despite it's flaws. Maybe give it a go.
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