I'm kinda tired of the way people treat the idea of child birth. Parenthood in general, really. I appreciate that some people need to breed, carry on the species or whatever. But, its a hugely preventable fucking nuisance. If you want kids, fine have kids. Have kids that you're financially, emotionally, and biologically prepared to have. If you don't meet those criteria there are plenty of ways to avoid being host to a vicious parasite that will someday turn into a person that your unready ass probably fucked up. I'm not saying the unprepared or unwilling can't cobble together a reasonable facsimile of a person, hell I manage to walk on two legs and use full sentences most of the time and my parents were seventeen and surprised. But its mighty fucking difficult to create a life that isn't broken, even without starting at a deficit.
Children are not a blessing, they are an enormous burden with the potential for a high emotional payout. Having a child isn't just the (still preventable) consequence of an action; its inflicting the consequences of that action on the whole fucking world until entropy takes its course and someone has a tragedy. If you did well, and got lucky, that child will probably at least not make anyone really unhappy, they might even make some people happy. But if you fuck them up, if the wrong kind of accident happens, if you don't have your shit together, or fuck forbid you get unlucky, chances are that every life the life you created touches will be hurt. Fucking up a kid doesn't just fuck up the kid, every shitty kid makes the world a worse place and every shitty parent is responsible for it. Not just the evil ones, the abusers and neglectful. The smug cunts that show their children that its okay to be an entitled piece of shit, the emotionally distant workaholics, the passive-aggressive shitfuck who tries to live vicariously through their six year old. They make fucked up people, and those people fuck up other people.
We have to stop treating the creation of a fucking life like its just a thing that happens and isn't one of the most complex, daunting, and far reaching (wholly fucking optional) tasks a person can possibly undertake in their life. We need to stop just letting shitty people inflict their shitty kids on the rest of us and then acting like it was unavoidable, and parents need to stop acting like its their right to inflict their shitty kids on us because they can't manage their ejaculate responsibly.
Showing posts with label This is why we can't have nice things. Show all posts
Showing posts with label This is why we can't have nice things. Show all posts
Monday, February 1, 2016
Monday, September 28, 2015
The Fats of Life
So, I feel the need to clarify an argument I've been seeing a great deal of lately. I'm referring to the whole "obesity" discussion. There has been quite a fucking row going on for a decade or so now to determine whether or not to really accept fat people into mainstream culture. This has led to heated debates about the health of the fat "lifestyle", the public impact of fattitude, so forth and so on ad nauseam. It seems to me this is a false premise. Its none of your fucking business.
I will admit outright, I'm a tubby fucker. I'm not proud of it, I'm not really ashamed of it these days, its just how shit is. This is the case for numerous reasons; I enjoy the social, cultural, chemical, and Epicurean components and impacts of food. Cooking is not just pretty much the only thing I've been meaningfully praised for, its associated with pretty much every positive experience in my life. My wife and I started falling in love over meals that I cooked. The first time, and nearly every other time, I can remember my father praising me was for my work in the kitchen. And frankly I'd much rather die at 40 with a bellyful of delicious food shared with loved ones than at 90 having been fed through a tube in my nose for a month or two. I've seen people die of old age, its fucking horrifying. Give me half an hour and a heart attack over six months of prolonged brain death any fucking day. All of those things are grand for me, and that's it. For me. It doesn't fucking involve you.
On the health argument, yes being fat is unhealthy. But its not fucking contagious, me being fat isn't going to give you diabetes. So fuck you; its my meatpuppet, I'll pull the fucking strings. I've heard the whole, "oh, but all the health insurance costs" bullshit and it is just that. Bullshit. If your argument is that all the other people being fat is making your insurance cost more, that's a problem with the whole insurance/health industry more than it is with people being fat, capitalism has a nasty effect on basic shit like healthcare. If you feel as though that structural failing gives you a right to make other people's bodies into a public health issue, you are incorrect. If christian scientists spat the kind of vitriol at cancer patients that the militant "healthy" people do at fat people we'd label them monsters and feel better about ourselves for being better than them. Now, the scale is different but the base argument is the same, "you have a condition that may or may not have been preventable, that I do not fully understand, and I am going oppress you because I feel it is easily remedied."
On the aesthetic, this is simple, if you don't think fat people are attractive do not fuck them. That's fine, no one would give you shit for not wanting to put your mouth on some crispy hobo junk. Just don't be a dick because you find them unsexy. Because if their worth to you is solely determined on your willingness to put your parts on theirs you are a piece of shit. In the same way that anyone who abuses others to feel better is a piece of shit. If a fat person gives you shit for politely not wanting to fuck them, well that person sucks, good for you not fucking that shithead. But that's it.
I find that one of the biggest groups (no pun intended) of people who grumble about how much fat people suck are people who at least claim to have previously been fat. I put it that way because so much of this discussion happens in the Tubes and personal claims are only limited by character limits online. There's a great deal of talk about prioritizing your health from these people, but what if I don't? I know that some day I will die and that, realistically, my ability to extend that date is modified by too many random factors for me to reliably manipulate. So rather than prioritize health I prioritize bringing joy to my life and the lives around me. I know, I'm such a fat, worthless, piece of shit right?
As far as anyone knows for sure we only get the one go around here, and its pretty fucking shitty to try and deny someone what makes them happy just because you can. Everything in life has consequences, positive and negative. Might as well admit that bad shit could happen and just try to enjoy the ride.
I will admit outright, I'm a tubby fucker. I'm not proud of it, I'm not really ashamed of it these days, its just how shit is. This is the case for numerous reasons; I enjoy the social, cultural, chemical, and Epicurean components and impacts of food. Cooking is not just pretty much the only thing I've been meaningfully praised for, its associated with pretty much every positive experience in my life. My wife and I started falling in love over meals that I cooked. The first time, and nearly every other time, I can remember my father praising me was for my work in the kitchen. And frankly I'd much rather die at 40 with a bellyful of delicious food shared with loved ones than at 90 having been fed through a tube in my nose for a month or two. I've seen people die of old age, its fucking horrifying. Give me half an hour and a heart attack over six months of prolonged brain death any fucking day. All of those things are grand for me, and that's it. For me. It doesn't fucking involve you.
On the health argument, yes being fat is unhealthy. But its not fucking contagious, me being fat isn't going to give you diabetes. So fuck you; its my meatpuppet, I'll pull the fucking strings. I've heard the whole, "oh, but all the health insurance costs" bullshit and it is just that. Bullshit. If your argument is that all the other people being fat is making your insurance cost more, that's a problem with the whole insurance/health industry more than it is with people being fat, capitalism has a nasty effect on basic shit like healthcare. If you feel as though that structural failing gives you a right to make other people's bodies into a public health issue, you are incorrect. If christian scientists spat the kind of vitriol at cancer patients that the militant "healthy" people do at fat people we'd label them monsters and feel better about ourselves for being better than them. Now, the scale is different but the base argument is the same, "you have a condition that may or may not have been preventable, that I do not fully understand, and I am going oppress you because I feel it is easily remedied."
On the aesthetic, this is simple, if you don't think fat people are attractive do not fuck them. That's fine, no one would give you shit for not wanting to put your mouth on some crispy hobo junk. Just don't be a dick because you find them unsexy. Because if their worth to you is solely determined on your willingness to put your parts on theirs you are a piece of shit. In the same way that anyone who abuses others to feel better is a piece of shit. If a fat person gives you shit for politely not wanting to fuck them, well that person sucks, good for you not fucking that shithead. But that's it.
I find that one of the biggest groups (no pun intended) of people who grumble about how much fat people suck are people who at least claim to have previously been fat. I put it that way because so much of this discussion happens in the Tubes and personal claims are only limited by character limits online. There's a great deal of talk about prioritizing your health from these people, but what if I don't? I know that some day I will die and that, realistically, my ability to extend that date is modified by too many random factors for me to reliably manipulate. So rather than prioritize health I prioritize bringing joy to my life and the lives around me. I know, I'm such a fat, worthless, piece of shit right?
As far as anyone knows for sure we only get the one go around here, and its pretty fucking shitty to try and deny someone what makes them happy just because you can. Everything in life has consequences, positive and negative. Might as well admit that bad shit could happen and just try to enjoy the ride.
Monday, June 22, 2015
See Spot Run... Into The Woodchipper
So, I'm not going to be covering anything super special today. Which is depressing, because today I want to talk about plot-killing dogs. Short of movies actually about killing evil dogs (and Old Yeller), no one is ever really down with a dog dying on film. Its almost never justified to murder a puppy for story, its not a plot-crucial action, just blatant, cheap emotional manipulation. Movies and shows kill animals to demonstrate how cruel a villain is or vengeguffin for the protagonist in whatever hackneyed premise the author has devised.
Contrary to how it sounds, my problem today is not so much that they do it, its that they still do it. So much so in recent years that I'm beginning to suspect some kind of Jon Petersesque situation where some big name producer just has the most massive hard-on for killing man's best friend. I get why they do it, a dead dog is a surefire way to get the audience in the feels. The cheapest, most disrespectful way to force emotional investment in the audience next to rape (which is also disgustingly clichéd these days). It works, even if we hate it, even if every reviewer ever has commented on how lazy and contemptible it is. I have to admit, I don't have a solution here. Even if we did start boycotting (lol) movies and shows that kill the dog for cheap pathos, they'd just find another easy target. I just hate the intellectual sloth that this kind of thing demonstrates and what it says about the way we go about entertainment. I'm all for telling a story, just maybe have enough respect for your audience to earn their attention.
Contrary to how it sounds, my problem today is not so much that they do it, its that they still do it. So much so in recent years that I'm beginning to suspect some kind of Jon Petersesque situation where some big name producer just has the most massive hard-on for killing man's best friend. I get why they do it, a dead dog is a surefire way to get the audience in the feels. The cheapest, most disrespectful way to force emotional investment in the audience next to rape (which is also disgustingly clichéd these days). It works, even if we hate it, even if every reviewer ever has commented on how lazy and contemptible it is. I have to admit, I don't have a solution here. Even if we did start boycotting (lol) movies and shows that kill the dog for cheap pathos, they'd just find another easy target. I just hate the intellectual sloth that this kind of thing demonstrates and what it says about the way we go about entertainment. I'm all for telling a story, just maybe have enough respect for your audience to earn their attention.
Monday, April 27, 2015
His Superpower is Punching!
So a friend recently convinced me to watch the new Daredevil series. It should be stated that I've largely avoided the comic/TV bullshit. I dig the new Constantine but I didn't really go for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D or Arrow or any of that kind of thing. I just don't have any faith in the people who make TV happen and I fucking love comic books, so I tend to ignore TV adaptations. Daredevil is the reason I lack that faith. Not because its bad, but because its made by Netflix.
They don't have to worry about the same standards and practices fuckery that TV producers do. People on Daredevil speak like real people because believe it or not profanity plays an enormous role in human communication. I love this. We've discussed profanity here before, and it holds a dear place in both mine and Brian's lexicon. So a show about people in fucked up situations that allows them to discuss them in those terms is always more enjoyable than you'd expect.
The other big thing about Daredevil for me is the violence. It ought to come as no surprise that I appreciate me some physical aggression, and the clarity and relative honesty of the violence in this show is beautiful. Sure we've still got a guy in a kinda silly outfit throwing down with Russian mobsters and not getting shot repeatedly and dropped in a hole, but that doesn't actually reduce the brutality of the combat.
Now this might sound like an ad spot for this one show, but its not. I like some things about Daredevil. Some of it is ridiculous, of course it is, its a comic book adaptation. But the things I like about it stem from a lack of censorship. They don't have to sugar coat things to placate shitty people. I'm a geek; I love stories, the exploration of ideas, and the building of narrative worlds. When Constantine leaves out the details of what happened in Newcastle we lose a big part of that story and the motivations of the characters. I really don't have an issue with adapting comics or books to the screen but when we have to hobble them to make them suitable to irresponsible parents and ego-maniacal busybodies we've failed to respect what makes a story great.
They don't have to worry about the same standards and practices fuckery that TV producers do. People on Daredevil speak like real people because believe it or not profanity plays an enormous role in human communication. I love this. We've discussed profanity here before, and it holds a dear place in both mine and Brian's lexicon. So a show about people in fucked up situations that allows them to discuss them in those terms is always more enjoyable than you'd expect.
The other big thing about Daredevil for me is the violence. It ought to come as no surprise that I appreciate me some physical aggression, and the clarity and relative honesty of the violence in this show is beautiful. Sure we've still got a guy in a kinda silly outfit throwing down with Russian mobsters and not getting shot repeatedly and dropped in a hole, but that doesn't actually reduce the brutality of the combat.
Now this might sound like an ad spot for this one show, but its not. I like some things about Daredevil. Some of it is ridiculous, of course it is, its a comic book adaptation. But the things I like about it stem from a lack of censorship. They don't have to sugar coat things to placate shitty people. I'm a geek; I love stories, the exploration of ideas, and the building of narrative worlds. When Constantine leaves out the details of what happened in Newcastle we lose a big part of that story and the motivations of the characters. I really don't have an issue with adapting comics or books to the screen but when we have to hobble them to make them suitable to irresponsible parents and ego-maniacal busybodies we've failed to respect what makes a story great.
Monday, April 13, 2015
In Which My Philosophy Digs Me a Hole
Alright, I've written about this kind of thing before but I feel like it needs to be discussed in more general terms. The more power you accumulate, in literally any measure of power, the less freedom you have. See that dot to the right there? That's a period.
Now I'm going to put away my asshole hat and explain. If you are reading this you live in a fucking society. If you live in a society you are beholden, in one way or another, to other people in the society. Be it for your food or the electricity that powers your shit or just goddamn human contact, you owe. Now its very easy to go about this as some kind of absurdly complex system of poorly metered debt, but that would be fucking stupid. The better method of interacting as a society is a perpetual effort to pay it forward, to make society as a whole a better place. The greater your personal success, and thus the more resources you've tapped in order to succeed, the more you can and should do to improve society. Not by some circuitous bullshit pseudoeconomics, personally, like you actually give a shit.
Here's where things get a little weird. For some people forgoing selfish bullshit because its shitty and idiotic isn't enough, so there's more. If you accumulate power and fail to utilize your assets to benefit society, society has a responsibility to take your fucking power away. We are individuals and that's important to remember, but we are all in this together whether we like it or not. Having someone accumulate power without making an effort to actively, directly improve the quality of life around them is exploitative to all of us.
In this country especially this has been a discussion made in bad faith. There is a great deal of talk of the inevitability of social good arising from personal freedom. Which would be great if there wasn't a predisposition towards being a cunt. Not everyone has it, but enough people have it that just assuming that successful people aren't going to be shitty is willfully self-destructive. To simultaneously massacre two goodhearted maxims, whatever gets you off, as long as you don't fuck anybody over. Power is a form of freedom and freedom must be tempered by responsibility or it is monstrous, and dealing with monsters is a terminal endeavor for at least one party.
Now I'm going to put away my asshole hat and explain. If you are reading this you live in a fucking society. If you live in a society you are beholden, in one way or another, to other people in the society. Be it for your food or the electricity that powers your shit or just goddamn human contact, you owe. Now its very easy to go about this as some kind of absurdly complex system of poorly metered debt, but that would be fucking stupid. The better method of interacting as a society is a perpetual effort to pay it forward, to make society as a whole a better place. The greater your personal success, and thus the more resources you've tapped in order to succeed, the more you can and should do to improve society. Not by some circuitous bullshit pseudoeconomics, personally, like you actually give a shit.
Here's where things get a little weird. For some people forgoing selfish bullshit because its shitty and idiotic isn't enough, so there's more. If you accumulate power and fail to utilize your assets to benefit society, society has a responsibility to take your fucking power away. We are individuals and that's important to remember, but we are all in this together whether we like it or not. Having someone accumulate power without making an effort to actively, directly improve the quality of life around them is exploitative to all of us.
In this country especially this has been a discussion made in bad faith. There is a great deal of talk of the inevitability of social good arising from personal freedom. Which would be great if there wasn't a predisposition towards being a cunt. Not everyone has it, but enough people have it that just assuming that successful people aren't going to be shitty is willfully self-destructive. To simultaneously massacre two goodhearted maxims, whatever gets you off, as long as you don't fuck anybody over. Power is a form of freedom and freedom must be tempered by responsibility or it is monstrous, and dealing with monsters is a terminal endeavor for at least one party.
Monday, April 6, 2015
Fuck You, Don't Pay Me
So here's a weird thing; I don't like getting paid. Not for my labor, not for goods, not at fucking all. Handling money in general bothers the fuck out of me. I've thought a great deal about why this is and how it happened that the absolute basis of our society came to repulse me. I'm not entirely sure how this state of affairs came about but I do have some reasons.
The main reason, I think, is that being paid to do a thing manipulates the nature of that thing. I'm no longer doing a thing because I want to or because I enjoy it, I'm doing it because I've been bought. At least rented. Now, this is probably some deep-seated fuckery from the circumstances of my rearing or whatever, but that doesn't make it less of a problem. Its to the point that if someone offers to pay me for say, my fucking delicious homemade molasses bacon, I not only don't want to give them any more, but I don't even want to make it anymore. Because clearly this person doesn't appreciate the act of love and attempt at comradery represented by my bacon, and if they don't then what's the fucking point. By offering to pay me it takes a fun, tasty offering of friendship and reduces it, and thus me and my friendship, to a commodity.
That's kind of the rub here, getting paid makes me feel cheap. I don't really value my own survival for its own sake. The things I do are done for earnest companionship, shared and personal joy and, fuck forbid, because I genuinely believe in what's being done. Getting monetarily remunerated just takes all of those great, ephemeral joys and tries to reduce them to a grubby, coke-stained stack of bills. Or worse, a digital means of survival that can only exist theoretically for me. It's saying that yeah, what I do is great and all, but you'd rather wave me away with money than allow a connection to form.
I fully recognize my unacceptable luck at having my needs accounted for, I don't deny for a second that this is a problem evoked only from a position of plenty. Unfortunately, my marketable skills consist of small batch baconry and the ability to swear on the internet, so my prospects are slim on my own. And considering my little neurosis gets worse the more abject my poverty and completely predates my current relative comfort I have, I would be fucked without my goddamn amazing wifemonster. At the same time, I think it says something absolutely disgusting about our culture when the knee jerk response to an attempt at brotherhood or an exercise in delight that results in a physical object, is "Here's some money so you'll keep doing that for me."
The main reason, I think, is that being paid to do a thing manipulates the nature of that thing. I'm no longer doing a thing because I want to or because I enjoy it, I'm doing it because I've been bought. At least rented. Now, this is probably some deep-seated fuckery from the circumstances of my rearing or whatever, but that doesn't make it less of a problem. Its to the point that if someone offers to pay me for say, my fucking delicious homemade molasses bacon, I not only don't want to give them any more, but I don't even want to make it anymore. Because clearly this person doesn't appreciate the act of love and attempt at comradery represented by my bacon, and if they don't then what's the fucking point. By offering to pay me it takes a fun, tasty offering of friendship and reduces it, and thus me and my friendship, to a commodity.
That's kind of the rub here, getting paid makes me feel cheap. I don't really value my own survival for its own sake. The things I do are done for earnest companionship, shared and personal joy and, fuck forbid, because I genuinely believe in what's being done. Getting monetarily remunerated just takes all of those great, ephemeral joys and tries to reduce them to a grubby, coke-stained stack of bills. Or worse, a digital means of survival that can only exist theoretically for me. It's saying that yeah, what I do is great and all, but you'd rather wave me away with money than allow a connection to form.
I fully recognize my unacceptable luck at having my needs accounted for, I don't deny for a second that this is a problem evoked only from a position of plenty. Unfortunately, my marketable skills consist of small batch baconry and the ability to swear on the internet, so my prospects are slim on my own. And considering my little neurosis gets worse the more abject my poverty and completely predates my current relative comfort I have, I would be fucked without my goddamn amazing wifemonster. At the same time, I think it says something absolutely disgusting about our culture when the knee jerk response to an attempt at brotherhood or an exercise in delight that results in a physical object, is "Here's some money so you'll keep doing that for me."
Friday, April 3, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Welcome to Weekly Cinemeh! This week's theme was Irish movies, though the first one slightly cheats by being French, Belgian, and Irish. I didn't have a whole lot of experience with Irish movies at the beginning of the week, but with what we saw I definitely want to see more.
1: The Secret of Kells
This was an animated movie about the creation of and story around the Illuminated Bible known as the Book of Kells. If you click that link you can take a look at some of the amazing pictures painted on the pages. These people where amazing artists and did all of this in 800 C.E.. The movie itself deals with a boy who helps one of the original artists of the book finish it. The movie also focuses on Kells (a city based in an old Irish hill fort) and its need to defend against coastal raids by the Vikings. The animation in the film is amazing. Its art style reminded me of the old cartoon show Samurai Jack (one of my favorites from my teen years) and was very well done in general. It is a very beautiful movie, in terms of story, art and music. Very good movie for adults and children alike watch it.
Eshi: This was a really good week for me. I love Irish cinema and this was a great way to lead off. The way the Vikings are portrayed is masterful, they aren't just big scary men, they're wave upon wave of Darkness coming to wash all civilization and goodness from the world. Kells is a super well balanced story in terms of moral and, despite some relatively jebus heavy bits, doesn't overly rely on any particular tradition. Beautiful, watch it.
2: The Guard
This movie is from the writer-director John Michael McDonagh and is about an Irish police Sergent and an FBI agent working to stop a very violent drug cartel working out of rural Ireland. Much like his brother Martin McDonagh (who is amazing by the way, 7 Psychopaths and In Bruges are great films) he is a fan of black comedy it seems, though this movie ends in a much less tragic way as all of the Martin McDonagh films I have seen (and considering the third movie from this week, that was a good thing). This movie loves its dark humor and revels in making the main character, played by Brenden Gleeson, seemingly go out of his way to be as crass as possible to great effect. It also has one of the greatest scenes in a crime movie that I have ever seen because it calls out the ridiculousness of this scene in other movies. This was a great movie that I would suggest watching. I will definitely be watching more movies from him.
Eshi: Brendan Gleeson is boss as fuck in this film. I like the dark cop-type dramedy (see Filth) and Mr. McDonagh does some fine fucking work on that front. Don Cheadle is also pretty great in this one, flowing relatively cleanly between stuffy MIB and charismatic lawful good buddy... Fuck it, just watch anything with "McDonagh" in the credits.
3: The Wind That Shakes The Barley
I want to get this out of the way first: this movie is fucking depressing as hell. It is about one of the wars of Irish Independence and the Irish Civil war that took place shortly afterward, and the relationship between two brothers as they fight through it. As a historical film, I knew how it was going to end (No one can be happy in that kind of situation) but regardless it was a fantastic movie. It was powerful and was great at showing the horrors of war and the consequences of the actions that take place in trying to end a war. I usually have a pretty good stomach for bad shit happening in movies but I had to look away in a few scenes when shit got real. Cillian Murphy (he played the scarecrow in the Nolan Batman films and Thomas in Peaky Blinders) is a great actor and handles the weight of his role well, and Liam Cunningham has great screen presence (he was also in The Guard as one of the heads of the cartel). This movie made me go and look up more information about the fight for Irish independence because while I knew about it, I didn't know about the civil war that followed. This movie is amazing and I am still thinking about it two days later, watch it.
Eshi: This movie is 127 minutes (fucking really, that was only two hours?!) of continuous heartbreak. Cillian Murphy is, as always, fucking amazing. I can't honestly bring myself to say too much about this one. Not because I'm afraid of spoiling anything, but because two days later its still raw enough to hurt. This is not a fun, get together on the weekend and watch this on a lark film. The Wind That Shakes the Barley is the kind of movie you spend a couple of days prepping for and only watch it with someone you're comfortable both crying and yelling in front of. It hurts really fucking deep, but it is entirely worth it.
Honorable mentions: As usual our honorable mentions tend not to be movies we saw this past week but other similar things we like. This week I would like to suggest some Irish comedians who have great stand up specials or T.V. series. Dylan Moran (Black Books and several funny stand up specials), Dara O'Brien (Mock the Week and several great specials), Tommy Tiernan (I have only seen one special and it was fantastic), and Ed Byrne (several funny specials).
1: The Secret of Kells
This was an animated movie about the creation of and story around the Illuminated Bible known as the Book of Kells. If you click that link you can take a look at some of the amazing pictures painted on the pages. These people where amazing artists and did all of this in 800 C.E.. The movie itself deals with a boy who helps one of the original artists of the book finish it. The movie also focuses on Kells (a city based in an old Irish hill fort) and its need to defend against coastal raids by the Vikings. The animation in the film is amazing. Its art style reminded me of the old cartoon show Samurai Jack (one of my favorites from my teen years) and was very well done in general. It is a very beautiful movie, in terms of story, art and music. Very good movie for adults and children alike watch it.
Eshi: This was a really good week for me. I love Irish cinema and this was a great way to lead off. The way the Vikings are portrayed is masterful, they aren't just big scary men, they're wave upon wave of Darkness coming to wash all civilization and goodness from the world. Kells is a super well balanced story in terms of moral and, despite some relatively jebus heavy bits, doesn't overly rely on any particular tradition. Beautiful, watch it.
2: The Guard
This movie is from the writer-director John Michael McDonagh and is about an Irish police Sergent and an FBI agent working to stop a very violent drug cartel working out of rural Ireland. Much like his brother Martin McDonagh (who is amazing by the way, 7 Psychopaths and In Bruges are great films) he is a fan of black comedy it seems, though this movie ends in a much less tragic way as all of the Martin McDonagh films I have seen (and considering the third movie from this week, that was a good thing). This movie loves its dark humor and revels in making the main character, played by Brenden Gleeson, seemingly go out of his way to be as crass as possible to great effect. It also has one of the greatest scenes in a crime movie that I have ever seen because it calls out the ridiculousness of this scene in other movies. This was a great movie that I would suggest watching. I will definitely be watching more movies from him.
Eshi: Brendan Gleeson is boss as fuck in this film. I like the dark cop-type dramedy (see Filth) and Mr. McDonagh does some fine fucking work on that front. Don Cheadle is also pretty great in this one, flowing relatively cleanly between stuffy MIB and charismatic lawful good buddy... Fuck it, just watch anything with "McDonagh" in the credits.
3: The Wind That Shakes The Barley
I want to get this out of the way first: this movie is fucking depressing as hell. It is about one of the wars of Irish Independence and the Irish Civil war that took place shortly afterward, and the relationship between two brothers as they fight through it. As a historical film, I knew how it was going to end (No one can be happy in that kind of situation) but regardless it was a fantastic movie. It was powerful and was great at showing the horrors of war and the consequences of the actions that take place in trying to end a war. I usually have a pretty good stomach for bad shit happening in movies but I had to look away in a few scenes when shit got real. Cillian Murphy (he played the scarecrow in the Nolan Batman films and Thomas in Peaky Blinders) is a great actor and handles the weight of his role well, and Liam Cunningham has great screen presence (he was also in The Guard as one of the heads of the cartel). This movie made me go and look up more information about the fight for Irish independence because while I knew about it, I didn't know about the civil war that followed. This movie is amazing and I am still thinking about it two days later, watch it.
Eshi: This movie is 127 minutes (fucking really, that was only two hours?!) of continuous heartbreak. Cillian Murphy is, as always, fucking amazing. I can't honestly bring myself to say too much about this one. Not because I'm afraid of spoiling anything, but because two days later its still raw enough to hurt. This is not a fun, get together on the weekend and watch this on a lark film. The Wind That Shakes the Barley is the kind of movie you spend a couple of days prepping for and only watch it with someone you're comfortable both crying and yelling in front of. It hurts really fucking deep, but it is entirely worth it.
Honorable mentions: As usual our honorable mentions tend not to be movies we saw this past week but other similar things we like. This week I would like to suggest some Irish comedians who have great stand up specials or T.V. series. Dylan Moran (Black Books and several funny stand up specials), Dara O'Brien (Mock the Week and several great specials), Tommy Tiernan (I have only seen one special and it was fantastic), and Ed Byrne (several funny specials).
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Thank You Jeremy
Just this today. Brian and I talk about this shit... just entirely too much. We're creatives at heart, and this is a topic that we grind on even more at home then we do on here. I've had this exact argument in various states with varying degrees of success and I wish with all of my heart that I had ever managed the clarity and passion Jeremy brings to this rant. We here at Kinda Whatevs are once again in your debt sir. Now if you'll excuse me I need to see if I'll ever finish my shitty little story.
Monday, March 30, 2015
Shit-Swilling Subhuman Sonsabitches
This is going to be a short post so I don't devolve in to a crazy-eyed chainsaw-wielding redneck. So swatting is a thing apparently. It's been a thing for a while and it has always been fucked up beyond anything like acceptability. If you hit that link up there you might note that when the police discussed the penalty of the Nov. 6 2014 swatting as a fine and, possibly, a year in prison.
People die in SWAT raids. I've covered it before, but SWAT actions terrorize civilians, ruin lives and, occasionally, melt babies. So calling in a bomb threat or hostage situation on someone to fucking troll them makes you not a fucking person anymore. The idea that these fuckers get anything less than dropped in a fucking hole is disgusting to me. Many swatters are apparently kids. That doesn't change my opinion at all. If your shitty fucking kid is willing to fuck up someone's life this badly they don't get to try again, and you probably shouldn't either.
People die in SWAT raids. I've covered it before, but SWAT actions terrorize civilians, ruin lives and, occasionally, melt babies. So calling in a bomb threat or hostage situation on someone to fucking troll them makes you not a fucking person anymore. The idea that these fuckers get anything less than dropped in a fucking hole is disgusting to me. Many swatters are apparently kids. That doesn't change my opinion at all. If your shitty fucking kid is willing to fuck up someone's life this badly they don't get to try again, and you probably shouldn't either.
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
It's a District Map, Not Digital Bukake
So, its no surprise to anyone who has been paying attention but politics is more fucked up than ever. Our congress is currently known as the "do nothing congress" because they haven't done shit for a long time. Its fucking crazy. There are plenty of reasons for this, most of which involve douchebaggery of the highest degree. I want to talk about one subject that I think can take a decent chunk of the blame: Gerrymandering.
Gerrymandering is the process in which the people who carve out congressional districts do so in order to make them more conservative or liberal. This helps reinforce incumbents of districts because they can cut the opposition out of their district entirely while including neighborhoods that are more supportive of the candidates ideology. In another equally shitty move parties can use gerrymandering to eliminate some of their opposition's power by splitting neighborhoods with the opposition's supporters into multiple other districts in which they will only make up a very small minority, and thus have their voice not heard. Its not like the gerrymanders are being sneaky about it either. The borders get really really fucked up.
That's the 12th district of North Carolina and its kind of bad, but it is far from the worst.
Illinois' 4th district looks like two districts, but it is not, its one, connected by a very tiny strip of land along a highway.
This shit is ridiculous, and it is helping to ruin our country. It might not seem like a big deal, just politicians being politicians or something like that, but that's wrong. This kind of gerrymandering eliminates the voices of people and forces politicians to be far more fanatical. You see, when you need to worry about pleasing your district in order to get reelected you need to do things your district will like. If you eliminate any real opposition you have you only need to represent certain ideals. This means that if you even attempt to compromise you are in danger of losing your district if a "more conservative" or "more liberal" candidate comes along at election time and points out that you don't hold as strong a view as theirs.
Our country was founded on the ideals of compromise. Ever hear of the great compromise? It is the reason that we have a bicameral congress, which allows us to reduce corruption (theoretically). By eliminating the voices of a state's constituents and forcing themselves into a fanatical position in which they are unable to do anything for anyone, They are crippling a process many of them claim to believe in just so that they can stay in a position of power. Fuck them. Also, gerrymandering is technically illegal, but those who do it use the vagueness of the laws (it is hard to define gerrymandering) against it to do it legally. Voter apathy/ignorance also plays a part in this but largely in that it makes gerrymandering easier. So, I shall reiterate: Fuck them.
Gerrymandering is the process in which the people who carve out congressional districts do so in order to make them more conservative or liberal. This helps reinforce incumbents of districts because they can cut the opposition out of their district entirely while including neighborhoods that are more supportive of the candidates ideology. In another equally shitty move parties can use gerrymandering to eliminate some of their opposition's power by splitting neighborhoods with the opposition's supporters into multiple other districts in which they will only make up a very small minority, and thus have their voice not heard. Its not like the gerrymanders are being sneaky about it either. The borders get really really fucked up.
That's the 12th district of North Carolina and its kind of bad, but it is far from the worst.
Illinois' 4th district looks like two districts, but it is not, its one, connected by a very tiny strip of land along a highway.
This shit is ridiculous, and it is helping to ruin our country. It might not seem like a big deal, just politicians being politicians or something like that, but that's wrong. This kind of gerrymandering eliminates the voices of people and forces politicians to be far more fanatical. You see, when you need to worry about pleasing your district in order to get reelected you need to do things your district will like. If you eliminate any real opposition you have you only need to represent certain ideals. This means that if you even attempt to compromise you are in danger of losing your district if a "more conservative" or "more liberal" candidate comes along at election time and points out that you don't hold as strong a view as theirs.
Our country was founded on the ideals of compromise. Ever hear of the great compromise? It is the reason that we have a bicameral congress, which allows us to reduce corruption (theoretically). By eliminating the voices of a state's constituents and forcing themselves into a fanatical position in which they are unable to do anything for anyone, They are crippling a process many of them claim to believe in just so that they can stay in a position of power. Fuck them. Also, gerrymandering is technically illegal, but those who do it use the vagueness of the laws (it is hard to define gerrymandering) against it to do it legally. Voter apathy/ignorance also plays a part in this but largely in that it makes gerrymandering easier. So, I shall reiterate: Fuck them.
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