Okay, I know I've been a fucking louse lately. Medical issues and general malaise have left me pretty much incapable of sustained creativity, so the idea of putting together a continuous narrative has been equal parts insurmountable and agonizing. But things are getting better and I love writing B&S so I'm gonna soldier on today. That brings us to our sponsor: Getting Your Shit Together.
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We set out briskly after a sparse breakfast. The locals seemed happy to watch us go, for all their hospitality I imagine they feared the barbarians at their gates taking their kindness to us as some kind of affront. In truth I at least was glad to be underway in earnest. The old man's tales of dark Gods and evil magics had festered in my dreams and made me desperate to learn their truth. Our journeys had given me glimpses of the knowledge and power I craved. I became more convinced than ever that if only I could learn the wicked secret behind the horrors that these cults summoned to their aid I could be a vaccine. That I could use their sickening craft to fight them. If only I could find the Will to look upon their works and the strength to understand. But I digress.
The forest air was thick and stagnant. Oppressive. At least the undergrowth was soft and, for a while at least, yielded readily to our axes and machetes. Though the stink of the bleeding flora made our eyes sting, and their vital juices had dulled our blades irredeemably by midday, we were mostly in good spirits. There was a small clearing near a stream where we stopped for lunch. It was a quiet place, more so than the stretch of jungle we'd passed through. A persistent quietude that one of the younger volunteers, Simmons I think, commented upon with some measure of trepidation. He was right to be concerned, it turned out.
We had nearly finished our lunch when a shrill cry filled the forest, as though the rage and pain of all the world was being forced through the bent and twisted trees. It made my soul ache and my vision swim. Dear friends I wish from the bottom of my heart that I could tell you what transpired over the next few hours, but the cry, that horrid shriek, robbed my of consciousness. I did not wake until at least that night, and the waking was cold comfort.
Monday, November 30, 2015
Friday, November 27, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This week our theme was cop movies. We had a lot to choose from this week so we picked some classics. Cop movies are odd because in most of them the main characters are cheered on for doing their jobs poorly, but because they are doing it for justice we are cool with it. Anyways, it was a fun week, To the list!
1: Serpico
Serpico is about a cop who is the only person who wants to follow the law, breaking with what I said in my intro. One of the cool/terrifying things about this movie is that it is based on an actual policeman who revealed the massive police corruption in the NYPD. The movie starts with Serpico getting shot and immediately goes into a flashback of his career as a cop, from beat cop to plainclothes. Serpico is a good officer with one flaw, he is the only clean cop on the force. Serpico then starts trying to clean up the force by working with some state investigators while also trying to not get killed by other cops who don't trust him because he isn't dirty like them. Al Pacino is the standout talent in this film as a policeman on the edge, not just because he wants justice to prevail, but because he doesn't want to get killed doing it (though the rest of the cast is competent). This is one of the better biography movies I have seen because it isn't only an entertaining movie but also has a good message that still needs to be addressed. The direction is solid, and the movie is great at building tension. Its a good movie, watch it.
Eshi: I have a hard time buying Pacino as a cop, and the fact that Serpico is the least stereotypical cop possible doesn't really help. He just always looks a little surprised and bewildered by the world around him to me. Fortunately, that kinda helps in this role, as Serpico is constantly being threatened and harangued for what really ought to be normal behavior for a cop. Really, Serpico is a pretty bad ass film about a pretty nifty dude, hampered only by the fact that old movies all seem to have a very flat tone to me. I think its a lighting thing. Anyway, if you wanna spend a couple hours just fucking loathing New York this is a great choice.
2: The French Connection
This is another movie that has a basis in reality, though its far more fictionalized than Serpico. This is a movie about a cop on the edge and his partner who is slightly less on the edge going after a drug ring that is starting to move on a big deal. Gene Hackman has always been good at playing a slightly angry tough guy, and this movie shows that off quite well. In this case the bad guy's attempt to kill him drives him to be perhaps a bit overzealous, and his quest for revenge makes him less of a cop and more of a vigilante. I am also a fan of Roy Scheider who plays the less aggressive partner to Gene Hackman's character. The two have good chemistry and its fun watching them run around being cops. There is an unfortunate side effect of watching this movie almost 50 years after it was released: it doesn't seem quite as fresh as it did back then. TFC came out in 1971 and for back then the car chase scene was very new and this one in particular was spectacular, but thanks to movies like the Bourne trilogy and a variety of others, chase scenes have transcended what they used to be. This is unfortunate, because the big chase is still good, and is shot well, it just seems a little less unique than it should. Don't take that statement as a negative, the movie is good, and you should still watch it, I just wish I had seen it earlier.
Eshi: Soooo, Gene Hackman's character looses his shit in this movie. Brian kinda points it out, but really man, dude murder's a fellow cop straight up. And he gives no fucks, just keeps on about his murder-business. I don't even feel bad about spoiling that, the movie is from '71 and I mean... Jesus. Like a full cylinder into the dude. That said, there are some nice buddy cop moments and and watching Hackman get dragged around New York by a fancy Frenchman is a lot of fun. Still has that old movie slog that came up with Serpico but its still definitely forgivable. Give it a try sometime.
3: Beverly Hills Cop
Beverly Hills cop is a movie about a cop from Detroit going to Beverly Hills to solve the murder of his friend. This was one of my favorite cop movies when I was a teenager. When I saw it, I saw the TV cut which has about 50 less fucks, but that doesn't cut enough of the movie out to ruin it or anything. It was older than I was at the time and it was my first experience with Eddie Murphy as not a shitty kids movie comedian. Eddie Murphy's charisma and joking attitude made the story a little less harrowing for 15 year old me and seeing it again after a few years made me realize what a great movie it is to get a person into crime dramas. It still has a gritty story about a cop hunting the people who gunned down his best friend but does so not by killing a bunch of goons, but instead by using his wits to turn situations to his favor. Eddie Murphy is great in a complex role (you can tell he wants to kill the bad guy, but that he knows he can't because he is a cop) and his two cop sidekicks/babysitters are also fun to watch, particularly Judge Reinhold. Its a good movie that deserves a watch, even if it is a little dated (especially the music).
Eshi: I really dislike what Eddie Murphy has become, and Beverly Hills Cop is fucking why. In it; he's funny, charming, relatively intelligent, and engaging as a protagonist. Yet for, I don't know, twenty years or so, the man has just been a fucking chore to watch. Happily; this is not that, and BHC is delightful. Watching Murphy drag a bunch of straight-faced grumpy fucks around L.A. as a social character is grand. Its especially pleasant in our current climate of general police cuntitude. I just hope Eddie Murphy gets his shit together, 'cause he's been really bad for a long time and this proves that, at least once upon a time, he can do better.
1: Serpico
Serpico is about a cop who is the only person who wants to follow the law, breaking with what I said in my intro. One of the cool/terrifying things about this movie is that it is based on an actual policeman who revealed the massive police corruption in the NYPD. The movie starts with Serpico getting shot and immediately goes into a flashback of his career as a cop, from beat cop to plainclothes. Serpico is a good officer with one flaw, he is the only clean cop on the force. Serpico then starts trying to clean up the force by working with some state investigators while also trying to not get killed by other cops who don't trust him because he isn't dirty like them. Al Pacino is the standout talent in this film as a policeman on the edge, not just because he wants justice to prevail, but because he doesn't want to get killed doing it (though the rest of the cast is competent). This is one of the better biography movies I have seen because it isn't only an entertaining movie but also has a good message that still needs to be addressed. The direction is solid, and the movie is great at building tension. Its a good movie, watch it.
Eshi: I have a hard time buying Pacino as a cop, and the fact that Serpico is the least stereotypical cop possible doesn't really help. He just always looks a little surprised and bewildered by the world around him to me. Fortunately, that kinda helps in this role, as Serpico is constantly being threatened and harangued for what really ought to be normal behavior for a cop. Really, Serpico is a pretty bad ass film about a pretty nifty dude, hampered only by the fact that old movies all seem to have a very flat tone to me. I think its a lighting thing. Anyway, if you wanna spend a couple hours just fucking loathing New York this is a great choice.
2: The French Connection
This is another movie that has a basis in reality, though its far more fictionalized than Serpico. This is a movie about a cop on the edge and his partner who is slightly less on the edge going after a drug ring that is starting to move on a big deal. Gene Hackman has always been good at playing a slightly angry tough guy, and this movie shows that off quite well. In this case the bad guy's attempt to kill him drives him to be perhaps a bit overzealous, and his quest for revenge makes him less of a cop and more of a vigilante. I am also a fan of Roy Scheider who plays the less aggressive partner to Gene Hackman's character. The two have good chemistry and its fun watching them run around being cops. There is an unfortunate side effect of watching this movie almost 50 years after it was released: it doesn't seem quite as fresh as it did back then. TFC came out in 1971 and for back then the car chase scene was very new and this one in particular was spectacular, but thanks to movies like the Bourne trilogy and a variety of others, chase scenes have transcended what they used to be. This is unfortunate, because the big chase is still good, and is shot well, it just seems a little less unique than it should. Don't take that statement as a negative, the movie is good, and you should still watch it, I just wish I had seen it earlier.
Eshi: Soooo, Gene Hackman's character looses his shit in this movie. Brian kinda points it out, but really man, dude murder's a fellow cop straight up. And he gives no fucks, just keeps on about his murder-business. I don't even feel bad about spoiling that, the movie is from '71 and I mean... Jesus. Like a full cylinder into the dude. That said, there are some nice buddy cop moments and and watching Hackman get dragged around New York by a fancy Frenchman is a lot of fun. Still has that old movie slog that came up with Serpico but its still definitely forgivable. Give it a try sometime.
3: Beverly Hills Cop
Beverly Hills cop is a movie about a cop from Detroit going to Beverly Hills to solve the murder of his friend. This was one of my favorite cop movies when I was a teenager. When I saw it, I saw the TV cut which has about 50 less fucks, but that doesn't cut enough of the movie out to ruin it or anything. It was older than I was at the time and it was my first experience with Eddie Murphy as not a shitty kids movie comedian. Eddie Murphy's charisma and joking attitude made the story a little less harrowing for 15 year old me and seeing it again after a few years made me realize what a great movie it is to get a person into crime dramas. It still has a gritty story about a cop hunting the people who gunned down his best friend but does so not by killing a bunch of goons, but instead by using his wits to turn situations to his favor. Eddie Murphy is great in a complex role (you can tell he wants to kill the bad guy, but that he knows he can't because he is a cop) and his two cop sidekicks/babysitters are also fun to watch, particularly Judge Reinhold. Its a good movie that deserves a watch, even if it is a little dated (especially the music).
Eshi: I really dislike what Eddie Murphy has become, and Beverly Hills Cop is fucking why. In it; he's funny, charming, relatively intelligent, and engaging as a protagonist. Yet for, I don't know, twenty years or so, the man has just been a fucking chore to watch. Happily; this is not that, and BHC is delightful. Watching Murphy drag a bunch of straight-faced grumpy fucks around L.A. as a social character is grand. Its especially pleasant in our current climate of general police cuntitude. I just hope Eddie Murphy gets his shit together, 'cause he's been really bad for a long time and this proves that, at least once upon a time, he can do better.
Friday, November 20, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This wee we decided to watch sports movies. The clinch is though, neither of us really like sports all that much, so they are all parodies. It was a fun week: to the list!
1: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
I enjoyed Dodgeball, even though it is kind of a dumb comedy. This movie is about a bunch of average guys, who go to Average Joe's Gym needing to make a bunch of money to keep the gym. A rival gym, who wants to buy their gym to turn into a parking structure tries to stop them. The medium for the conflict? A dodgeball tournament where the prize for 1st place is the exact amount of money they need to keep the gym. Its a classic premise of old sports movies. The difference here is that the movie doesn't take itself seriously at all. The average guys are all misfits of some variety, for instance the wonderful Alan Tudyk thinks he is a pirate, and the bad guys are cartoonishly evil. Vince Vaughn is far more subdued in the movie, which is odd considering the characters he usually plays. He is not quite a straight man, he just uses sarcasm as his main source of humor. Its not a bad film, and has quite a few good jokes and some very funny people in it (Rip Torn is great). Don't go in expecting too much and its a fun time.
Eshi: I have weird feelings about Ben Stiller. On one hand, Zoolander and Dodgeball are both fucking joyful. On the other hand, a startling amount of his catalog leaves me feeling like poor Gerry's semen had curdled before little Ben was conceived. Regardless, Dodgeball is grand. Its very well cast, well written, and weirdly optimistic. About my only complaint is that they kinda waste Alan Tudyk, but then I'd watch him just stare confusedly into a camera for an hour or two. A great movie to get toasty and enjoy.
2: Balls of Fury
Balls of Fury is a take on kung fu movies that uses ping pong instead of martial arts. Basically an ex-world champion level ping pong player is hired by the FBI to help track down and investigate a Chinese gangster. Its a fun movie, though a little to0 often the jokes fall flat. I love that Christopher Walken is in this movie as the big boss baddie. He gets to act over the top and crazy, which is something Walken is very good at. Its another movie that shouldn't be taken seriously. Watch with some friends and some booze and you should have a good time.
Eshi: I had forgotten how much I love 80's butt rock. The Dan Fogler tries a little too hard for most of the movie but its Immediately made up for by the rest of the cast. Brian mentioned Christopher Walken, and he more than carries his weight, but Aisha Tyler features prominently, as does the legendary James Hong, Maggie Q, and Thomas Lennon, who I don't feel gets enough work. Hell, even George Lopez manages to not be completely off-putting. Balls of Fury is goddamn ridiculous, and it revels completely in that.
3: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
I skipped this movie in the past because I don't really get the whole Nascar thing, but it doesn't focus a lot on that. Its mostly a movie about an asshole being redeemed after being humbled by a superior foe. Nascar is just a framing device, and the movie doesn't explain shit about the sport. I actually liked the bad guy. He wasn't a villain, he was just brought in to make the main racing team perform better. The main conflict happens because Ricky Bobby feels as though he absolutely needs to be the best. Its good to see a movie where the main characters greatest enemy is himself. It's also very funny, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are great together, and Jane Lynch is fun to watch (as always, really). I had fun, despite being a little heavy on the product placement. I get that it was supposed to be a parody of the rampant capitalism of Nascar, but there comes a point at which the parody is just the movie doing the thing its making fun of. If they did this with fake commercials, I would have found it a lot funnier. Instead they actually through a fucking Applebee's commercial in it.
Eshi: I loathe redneck culture, mostly because it was a barely dodged bullet for me. So this one always plays a little close to the line. I've known people who could have inspired this movie if they hadn't decided to take up a lucrative career in meth consumption. That said, Talladega Nights is fun as hell. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly have fucking amazing chemistry, and it play a substantial role here. Michael Clark Duncan is a little blown here, but mostly because his role doesn't fully counter how much I wish he was still kicking around. In all Will Ferrell puts out exactly what you would expect, and its just as fun as that would entail. Whatever that happens to mean to you. Give it a shot.
1: Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
I enjoyed Dodgeball, even though it is kind of a dumb comedy. This movie is about a bunch of average guys, who go to Average Joe's Gym needing to make a bunch of money to keep the gym. A rival gym, who wants to buy their gym to turn into a parking structure tries to stop them. The medium for the conflict? A dodgeball tournament where the prize for 1st place is the exact amount of money they need to keep the gym. Its a classic premise of old sports movies. The difference here is that the movie doesn't take itself seriously at all. The average guys are all misfits of some variety, for instance the wonderful Alan Tudyk thinks he is a pirate, and the bad guys are cartoonishly evil. Vince Vaughn is far more subdued in the movie, which is odd considering the characters he usually plays. He is not quite a straight man, he just uses sarcasm as his main source of humor. Its not a bad film, and has quite a few good jokes and some very funny people in it (Rip Torn is great). Don't go in expecting too much and its a fun time.
Eshi: I have weird feelings about Ben Stiller. On one hand, Zoolander and Dodgeball are both fucking joyful. On the other hand, a startling amount of his catalog leaves me feeling like poor Gerry's semen had curdled before little Ben was conceived. Regardless, Dodgeball is grand. Its very well cast, well written, and weirdly optimistic. About my only complaint is that they kinda waste Alan Tudyk, but then I'd watch him just stare confusedly into a camera for an hour or two. A great movie to get toasty and enjoy.
2: Balls of Fury
Balls of Fury is a take on kung fu movies that uses ping pong instead of martial arts. Basically an ex-world champion level ping pong player is hired by the FBI to help track down and investigate a Chinese gangster. Its a fun movie, though a little to0 often the jokes fall flat. I love that Christopher Walken is in this movie as the big boss baddie. He gets to act over the top and crazy, which is something Walken is very good at. Its another movie that shouldn't be taken seriously. Watch with some friends and some booze and you should have a good time.
Eshi: I had forgotten how much I love 80's butt rock. The Dan Fogler tries a little too hard for most of the movie but its Immediately made up for by the rest of the cast. Brian mentioned Christopher Walken, and he more than carries his weight, but Aisha Tyler features prominently, as does the legendary James Hong, Maggie Q, and Thomas Lennon, who I don't feel gets enough work. Hell, even George Lopez manages to not be completely off-putting. Balls of Fury is goddamn ridiculous, and it revels completely in that.
3: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
I skipped this movie in the past because I don't really get the whole Nascar thing, but it doesn't focus a lot on that. Its mostly a movie about an asshole being redeemed after being humbled by a superior foe. Nascar is just a framing device, and the movie doesn't explain shit about the sport. I actually liked the bad guy. He wasn't a villain, he was just brought in to make the main racing team perform better. The main conflict happens because Ricky Bobby feels as though he absolutely needs to be the best. Its good to see a movie where the main characters greatest enemy is himself. It's also very funny, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly are great together, and Jane Lynch is fun to watch (as always, really). I had fun, despite being a little heavy on the product placement. I get that it was supposed to be a parody of the rampant capitalism of Nascar, but there comes a point at which the parody is just the movie doing the thing its making fun of. If they did this with fake commercials, I would have found it a lot funnier. Instead they actually through a fucking Applebee's commercial in it.
Eshi: I loathe redneck culture, mostly because it was a barely dodged bullet for me. So this one always plays a little close to the line. I've known people who could have inspired this movie if they hadn't decided to take up a lucrative career in meth consumption. That said, Talladega Nights is fun as hell. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly have fucking amazing chemistry, and it play a substantial role here. Michael Clark Duncan is a little blown here, but mostly because his role doesn't fully counter how much I wish he was still kicking around. In all Will Ferrell puts out exactly what you would expect, and its just as fun as that would entail. Whatever that happens to mean to you. Give it a shot.
Monday, November 16, 2015
The Further Adventures of Bre-... Oh Wait. Nope.
I'm going to take a short break from Brennan and Smythe this week on account of just, the worst sinus infection. I'm going in for scans tomorrow and today I'm just kind of sore and distracted. Between the headache and the general sense of malaise I'm not much of fit company right now. I come from a family that doesn't hold much regard for medical professionals, for several reasons, and as a result I let a seasonal sinus problem get pretty spectacularly out of control. This was years ago by the way, because Eshi doesn't believe in learning lessons.
I am a worrisome sort, so there's a good chance that I'll just need a quick procedure and it'll be done, but when you start seeing words like "meningitis" and "tumor" next to the thing you have its bound to kick up some nerves. Anyway, I'm all sick and shit. I'll write in earnest later, but for now I'm just going to bundle up and have some tea.
I am a worrisome sort, so there's a good chance that I'll just need a quick procedure and it'll be done, but when you start seeing words like "meningitis" and "tumor" next to the thing you have its bound to kick up some nerves. Anyway, I'm all sick and shit. I'll write in earnest later, but for now I'm just going to bundle up and have some tea.
Friday, November 13, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello and welcome back to weekly Cinemeh! This week we didn't really have a theme in mind, all the movies are dumb fun that we watched for the hell of it. The reason? Fallout 4 came out this week so both Eshi and I got distracted. Anyway, all the movies are fun, so think of this week as suggestions of what to watch if you get bored and just want to be amused.
1: Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
Eshi has mentioned this movie before in his top 5 a while ago and I can see why. It takes the trope of rednecks in the middle of nowhere all being serial killers and turns it on its head by making the spunky group of teenagers the bad guys. This isn't really a spoiler, as it comes up right away in the film, but seriously its great. This movie is far funnier than it has a right to be, mostly because Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine are fantastic comedic actors. Their bromantic interactions are what make the movie for me really. I also love that the basic idea behind the movie is that if people actually fucking talked to one another a ton of people wouldn't be killed in a wood chipper... or something to that affect. There are some great effects, a fun and clusterfucky story, and some excellent humor. Well worth the watch.
Eshi: I could gush about T&DvE all fucking day. We can talk about how the guys' relationship almost perfectly embodies the societies path to the return of masculine friendships as a genuine support structure (replacing a spectacularly damaging cultural standard of quasi-abusive/hyper-competitive man-friend). Or I could talk about how, while it is an homage to slasher movies in every respect, it itself is a classic Heroic Action film. Come to think of it I probably will do a more in depth analysis on T&D some day, because I'm just that much of a fucking nerd, but today is not that day. Today is the day I tell you to go watch one of my favorite movies because its made of hand-forged joy.
2: Conan the Barbarian
This fucking movie. I don't know why I like it some much. Its so ridiculous. I don't know what the best part is. Is it the fact that over half or Arnold's lines are his stereotypical "grunt"(Grunt doesn't do it justice, but I have no idea what you would call it) or that James Earl Jones has a head of hair that would make Fabio jealous. Its a great movie if you don't want to take something seriously. The story is kind of a typical fantasy jam (kid with dead parents trains up to beat the guy that killed them) but the way it tells it, bombastic and overly dramatic, makes it a joy. Arnold isn't a great actor but he looks like what you'd expect a dude named Conan the Barbarian to look like. Get tipsy and watch this movie with some friends, you will probably have a great time.
Eshi: I don't even really know what to say about Conan. As we've pretty fucking firmly established previously, I am a huge fantasy geek, so everything about this goddamn thing is simultaneously completely repellent to me and a two minute rewrite from a wet dream I've had. Conan doesn't come off as a movie, so much as it does the dramatic retelling of the transcripts from the saddest D&D group. Gods, I hope that's the saddest... Anyway, between Arnold crit-failing his Sound Like a Fucking Human rolls constantly and the bad guys looking like a non-consenual Anvil reunion tour, C the B is a good waste of an evening... provided you can't cobble together an adventure.
3: Goldfinger
I love me some James Bond and this movie is what I would consider the best example of a Bond movie. I have to say though, watching it now when I am more wizened then my younger self James Bond straight up rapes Pussy Galore. Its super uncomfortable to watch, because it is clear she isn't into it at first. This kind of kills a lot of the love I have for the movie, which is sad. This is where 90% of the James Bond stereotypes come from. This is the thing that sucks about Bond movies, they have all the fun action and gadgets and great villains you could want, but James Bond is the worst person ever. He is cruel, sexist, and kind of a piece of shit as a human being but you still want to like him because he has been the epitome of suave for a long time. This is the negative side of a charisma based hero I think. That being said, it is still a fun movie that is at least worth watching for the cultural relevance if nothing else.
Eshi: Oh my fucking Gods why does James Bond always rape somebody. I love that Bond movies are so campy, I love that the fight scenes look like the where choreographed in an alternate universe where everyone has Parkinson's, the convoluted plots, the ridiculous gadgets. I even love that there is a movie where someone seriously thought they could give Sean Connery a spray tan and a shitty wig and pass him off as Japanese. But every time there's a ten minute scene that is completely composed of the guy everyone supposedly wants to fuck trying entirely too hard to install himself in someone who is super actively not down with it I hate the universe a little more. There are better ways to show that your protagonist is a douchebag. I get the Bond was/is basically masturbatory, pretty much all fiction is to some extent, but Stockholming someone with your penis is maybe one of those urges you shouldn't encourage too much. Other than that though, Goldfinger was pretty fuckin' awesome.
1: Tucker and Dale vs. Evil
Eshi has mentioned this movie before in his top 5 a while ago and I can see why. It takes the trope of rednecks in the middle of nowhere all being serial killers and turns it on its head by making the spunky group of teenagers the bad guys. This isn't really a spoiler, as it comes up right away in the film, but seriously its great. This movie is far funnier than it has a right to be, mostly because Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine are fantastic comedic actors. Their bromantic interactions are what make the movie for me really. I also love that the basic idea behind the movie is that if people actually fucking talked to one another a ton of people wouldn't be killed in a wood chipper... or something to that affect. There are some great effects, a fun and clusterfucky story, and some excellent humor. Well worth the watch.
Eshi: I could gush about T&DvE all fucking day. We can talk about how the guys' relationship almost perfectly embodies the societies path to the return of masculine friendships as a genuine support structure (replacing a spectacularly damaging cultural standard of quasi-abusive/hyper-competitive man-friend). Or I could talk about how, while it is an homage to slasher movies in every respect, it itself is a classic Heroic Action film. Come to think of it I probably will do a more in depth analysis on T&D some day, because I'm just that much of a fucking nerd, but today is not that day. Today is the day I tell you to go watch one of my favorite movies because its made of hand-forged joy.
2: Conan the Barbarian
This fucking movie. I don't know why I like it some much. Its so ridiculous. I don't know what the best part is. Is it the fact that over half or Arnold's lines are his stereotypical "grunt"(Grunt doesn't do it justice, but I have no idea what you would call it) or that James Earl Jones has a head of hair that would make Fabio jealous. Its a great movie if you don't want to take something seriously. The story is kind of a typical fantasy jam (kid with dead parents trains up to beat the guy that killed them) but the way it tells it, bombastic and overly dramatic, makes it a joy. Arnold isn't a great actor but he looks like what you'd expect a dude named Conan the Barbarian to look like. Get tipsy and watch this movie with some friends, you will probably have a great time.
Eshi: I don't even really know what to say about Conan. As we've pretty fucking firmly established previously, I am a huge fantasy geek, so everything about this goddamn thing is simultaneously completely repellent to me and a two minute rewrite from a wet dream I've had. Conan doesn't come off as a movie, so much as it does the dramatic retelling of the transcripts from the saddest D&D group. Gods, I hope that's the saddest... Anyway, between Arnold crit-failing his Sound Like a Fucking Human rolls constantly and the bad guys looking like a non-consenual Anvil reunion tour, C the B is a good waste of an evening... provided you can't cobble together an adventure.
3: Goldfinger
I love me some James Bond and this movie is what I would consider the best example of a Bond movie. I have to say though, watching it now when I am more wizened then my younger self James Bond straight up rapes Pussy Galore. Its super uncomfortable to watch, because it is clear she isn't into it at first. This kind of kills a lot of the love I have for the movie, which is sad. This is where 90% of the James Bond stereotypes come from. This is the thing that sucks about Bond movies, they have all the fun action and gadgets and great villains you could want, but James Bond is the worst person ever. He is cruel, sexist, and kind of a piece of shit as a human being but you still want to like him because he has been the epitome of suave for a long time. This is the negative side of a charisma based hero I think. That being said, it is still a fun movie that is at least worth watching for the cultural relevance if nothing else.
Eshi: Oh my fucking Gods why does James Bond always rape somebody. I love that Bond movies are so campy, I love that the fight scenes look like the where choreographed in an alternate universe where everyone has Parkinson's, the convoluted plots, the ridiculous gadgets. I even love that there is a movie where someone seriously thought they could give Sean Connery a spray tan and a shitty wig and pass him off as Japanese. But every time there's a ten minute scene that is completely composed of the guy everyone supposedly wants to fuck trying entirely too hard to install himself in someone who is super actively not down with it I hate the universe a little more. There are better ways to show that your protagonist is a douchebag. I get the Bond was/is basically masturbatory, pretty much all fiction is to some extent, but Stockholming someone with your penis is maybe one of those urges you shouldn't encourage too much. Other than that though, Goldfinger was pretty fuckin' awesome.
Monday, November 9, 2015
Brennan & Smythe Episode 3: There's More!
My computer took a rocket-powered, stratospheric shit recently, so today's post might be a bit brief. The fate of my computer does, however, lead fortuitously to our sponsor for today's episode: Murphey's Law. Do you miss feeling like the whole world is conspiring against you? Is the ease of success making you soft? Don't worry! Murphey's Law is here to help. Watch helplessly as things go fuck-headed for no apparent reason. Feel that comforting old panic as your best laid plans are torn asunder by the vagueries of fate. Murphey's Law : Because fuck you! Now on with the show.
The death cast a pall upon our small party as we searched the village and questioned its residents. They were kindly folk, clearly as disturbed by this morning's morbidity as my companions. Patrick managed to calm one of the older gentlemen sufficiently to extract the man's reckoning of the likely course of Jenkin's demise. The village was occasionally troubled by forest folk, madmen who lived in the hills and sustained themselves via a hardy regiment of banditry and rape.
Apparently, they would come to a home in the night, drug the residents, and then proceed to torture the menfolk and drag the women to the hills to cater to their sinister impulses. The man had many theories regarding the reasons for such sadism; they worship evil gods, they use nefarious magics to make themselves immortal, simply that they hate good folk and revel in making them suffer. Standard Boogyman folklore, but given the circumstances, not to be disregarded out of hand.
Our search of the village bore little fruit, and some of our compatriots had started to grow concerned about the merit of our expedition. However, between Patrick appealing to their better nature and my calling for vengeance for our terribly fallen comrade, the majority soon regained their fortitude. We bolstered our spirits and resolved to set out come morning. The rest of the day was spent rechecking supplies and fortifying the room we would be sharing that night. Understandably, there was little resistance to communal bunking and setting watch. The morning would break upon us blessedly devoid of event, the peace granting a renewed confidence as we set upon our way.
The death cast a pall upon our small party as we searched the village and questioned its residents. They were kindly folk, clearly as disturbed by this morning's morbidity as my companions. Patrick managed to calm one of the older gentlemen sufficiently to extract the man's reckoning of the likely course of Jenkin's demise. The village was occasionally troubled by forest folk, madmen who lived in the hills and sustained themselves via a hardy regiment of banditry and rape.
Apparently, they would come to a home in the night, drug the residents, and then proceed to torture the menfolk and drag the women to the hills to cater to their sinister impulses. The man had many theories regarding the reasons for such sadism; they worship evil gods, they use nefarious magics to make themselves immortal, simply that they hate good folk and revel in making them suffer. Standard Boogyman folklore, but given the circumstances, not to be disregarded out of hand.
Our search of the village bore little fruit, and some of our compatriots had started to grow concerned about the merit of our expedition. However, between Patrick appealing to their better nature and my calling for vengeance for our terribly fallen comrade, the majority soon regained their fortitude. We bolstered our spirits and resolved to set out come morning. The rest of the day was spent rechecking supplies and fortifying the room we would be sharing that night. Understandably, there was little resistance to communal bunking and setting watch. The morning would break upon us blessedly devoid of event, the peace granting a renewed confidence as we set upon our way.
Friday, November 6, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This week we go in a different direction from our month of horror and do some foreign comedies. I enjoy comedies so this week was a good week for me. To the list!
1: Closer to The Moon
This movie is based on the true story of the Rosenthal gang's heist in soviet controlled Romania after WWII. Basically a bunch of Romanian's who were part of the Jewish resistance movement against the Nazis get fired from their jobs and replaced by people who are more willing to support the Soviet Union, and in response they decide to rob a bank. Its a dark story that is shown through a series of funny moments. The writer/director is a Romanian man named Nae Caranfil who lived through this time period and I think his ability to find humor in a dark time is great. The cast is good, Mark Stong is good at playing good guys who are slightly sinister and Vera Farmiga does a great job in a pretty complex role. The movie deals well with a subject that gets lost over in the US. People who grow up during a war are a much different group than people born during peacetime, especially when the war is fought in your country. This movie portrays the communists behind the iron curtain as incompetent, self serving, violent, and bovine. One of my favorite jokes in the movie is the extras in the "documentary" being filmed are all communist soldiers, and none of them know how to do anything other than be soldiers so it's funny watching them try to act. Its a good movie, watch it.
Eshi: Closer to The Moon is kind of a weird thing. It's a comedy, it certainly has a humorous bent but the comedy is kind of perpendicular to the plot. Its not a dark comedy, where disturbing or upsetting material is handled in a funny way, its more like a fucked up drama wearing a silly hat. That said, the funny bits are pretty funny and the drama is compelling. I would have liked to see more Romanian actors featured prominently but really only because I'm not super familiar with any and I enjoy learning about international pop culture.
2: In The Loop
This is a movie based around a very funny Brittish TV show called The Thick Of It, which I love. Its about a group of politicians around 2001-2002 dealing with the possibility of going to war in Iraq. This movie is full of British and American comedians and some amazing insults. Its a lot like the TV show. You get to see some politicians being evil and/or incompetent who get yelled at by Peter Capaldi (whom you may know as the 12th Dr. Who) who is employed by the British government to keep politicians in line. It is a fun film with some very funny bits. Peter Capaldi is amazing at playing rage incarnate, and I would say that the movie is worth watching just to see him insult the poor people under his command. The subject matter can be a little dry, but the characters are fun to watch and its a good political satire. Watch it.
Eshi: I really wish that politicians were so easily dominated by loud noises and colorful profanity, I feel like someday they could be domesticated, maybe even housebroken. Peter Capaldi is both super charismatic and wonderfully descriptive with his outbursts. In The Loop is well cast and superbly written, even if I'm not super on-board with some of the visual choices, (the whole thing is shot in soft focus). Give it a shot sometime.
3: The Trip To Italy
The Trip to Italy is a movie that was originally a TV miniseries about two British comedians, Rob Bryden and Steve Coogan, traveling around the Italian countryside eating at some amazing restaurants and enjoying a beautiful country. I enjoyed the first The Trip movie, it was fun watching two comedians who do a lot of voices compete with each other while driving around and eating good food. It was a fun ride. The sequel is just more of that but in Italy. I don't think this movie was as good as the first, but it was still fun to watch dueling impressionists out Michael Cain one another. There are some amazingly funny bits and some great scenery. Its a deeper movie than just all of that though. These two comedians deal with mid-life crises, getting closer to death, and the various amounts of success and failure each have experienced. Watch it if you liked the first movie, you will probably like the second because it is just more of the same.
Eshi: The Trip was a fun, low-intensity comedy about a couple of friends/rivals going through their mid-life crises via road trip and restaurant tour. The Trip To Italy is that but in Italy. Don't get me wrong, it is exactly what its expected to be, and it was very enjoyable, but it was probably unnecessary. Steve Coogan is the same ego-maniacal douche Steve Coogan so often portrays and Rob Bryden is as delightful as he usually is, save that I noticed that he looks like a Welsh Mitt Romney. I watched this mostly for the fucking beautiful shots of the Italian coast and delicious Italian food. The steady background of two talented comedians bantering was just a very welcome bonus.
1: Closer to The Moon
This movie is based on the true story of the Rosenthal gang's heist in soviet controlled Romania after WWII. Basically a bunch of Romanian's who were part of the Jewish resistance movement against the Nazis get fired from their jobs and replaced by people who are more willing to support the Soviet Union, and in response they decide to rob a bank. Its a dark story that is shown through a series of funny moments. The writer/director is a Romanian man named Nae Caranfil who lived through this time period and I think his ability to find humor in a dark time is great. The cast is good, Mark Stong is good at playing good guys who are slightly sinister and Vera Farmiga does a great job in a pretty complex role. The movie deals well with a subject that gets lost over in the US. People who grow up during a war are a much different group than people born during peacetime, especially when the war is fought in your country. This movie portrays the communists behind the iron curtain as incompetent, self serving, violent, and bovine. One of my favorite jokes in the movie is the extras in the "documentary" being filmed are all communist soldiers, and none of them know how to do anything other than be soldiers so it's funny watching them try to act. Its a good movie, watch it.
Eshi: Closer to The Moon is kind of a weird thing. It's a comedy, it certainly has a humorous bent but the comedy is kind of perpendicular to the plot. Its not a dark comedy, where disturbing or upsetting material is handled in a funny way, its more like a fucked up drama wearing a silly hat. That said, the funny bits are pretty funny and the drama is compelling. I would have liked to see more Romanian actors featured prominently but really only because I'm not super familiar with any and I enjoy learning about international pop culture.
2: In The Loop
This is a movie based around a very funny Brittish TV show called The Thick Of It, which I love. Its about a group of politicians around 2001-2002 dealing with the possibility of going to war in Iraq. This movie is full of British and American comedians and some amazing insults. Its a lot like the TV show. You get to see some politicians being evil and/or incompetent who get yelled at by Peter Capaldi (whom you may know as the 12th Dr. Who) who is employed by the British government to keep politicians in line. It is a fun film with some very funny bits. Peter Capaldi is amazing at playing rage incarnate, and I would say that the movie is worth watching just to see him insult the poor people under his command. The subject matter can be a little dry, but the characters are fun to watch and its a good political satire. Watch it.
Eshi: I really wish that politicians were so easily dominated by loud noises and colorful profanity, I feel like someday they could be domesticated, maybe even housebroken. Peter Capaldi is both super charismatic and wonderfully descriptive with his outbursts. In The Loop is well cast and superbly written, even if I'm not super on-board with some of the visual choices, (the whole thing is shot in soft focus). Give it a shot sometime.
3: The Trip To Italy
The Trip to Italy is a movie that was originally a TV miniseries about two British comedians, Rob Bryden and Steve Coogan, traveling around the Italian countryside eating at some amazing restaurants and enjoying a beautiful country. I enjoyed the first The Trip movie, it was fun watching two comedians who do a lot of voices compete with each other while driving around and eating good food. It was a fun ride. The sequel is just more of that but in Italy. I don't think this movie was as good as the first, but it was still fun to watch dueling impressionists out Michael Cain one another. There are some amazingly funny bits and some great scenery. Its a deeper movie than just all of that though. These two comedians deal with mid-life crises, getting closer to death, and the various amounts of success and failure each have experienced. Watch it if you liked the first movie, you will probably like the second because it is just more of the same.
Eshi: The Trip was a fun, low-intensity comedy about a couple of friends/rivals going through their mid-life crises via road trip and restaurant tour. The Trip To Italy is that but in Italy. Don't get me wrong, it is exactly what its expected to be, and it was very enjoyable, but it was probably unnecessary. Steve Coogan is the same ego-maniacal douche Steve Coogan so often portrays and Rob Bryden is as delightful as he usually is, save that I noticed that he looks like a Welsh Mitt Romney. I watched this mostly for the fucking beautiful shots of the Italian coast and delicious Italian food. The steady background of two talented comedians bantering was just a very welcome bonus.
Monday, November 2, 2015
The Shocking Endeavors of Brennan & Smythe Ep. 2
Welcome back! Round 2 of The Shocking Endeavors of Brennan & Smythe is about to get underway, but first a word from our sponsor: Supplementary Day Drinking. Are you a creative in a rut? Maybe an office worker run dry on giveafuck. Try Supplementary Day Drinking to give you the competitive edge of a really nice buzz. Why face down that deadline alone when your friends Mr. Whiskey and the Archduke Lord Rummington have got your back? Supplementary Day Drinking: lets get some Giveafuck down you.
I am fortunate that my proclivity for publicly assaulting people with my cane coupled with my tenacious curiosity in regards to certain specialized fields of astrology and geology grants me a delightful amount of liberty in my responsibilities to the University. They quite appreciate having me as a resource, but any excuse to get me off campus is more than welcome. And so it was a simple matter to convince the Dean that I was desperately needed to investigate this pressing matter... and that it would serve the University well in scholarly circles if they where to reopen my "Fieldwork" account that I may be fully prepared for a major discovery that I could then attribute to their generosity. Between Mr. Brennan's broad reaching contacts as a private investigator, and my enthusiasm where spending Arkham's money is concerned we had no difficulty assembling a team for this little expedition. We were kitted and on our way to Thailand within a week of speaking to Newberg.
Other than a few incidents of motion sickness from a former student of mine with a curious disposition, and a frankly unacceptable quantity of stinging insects, our journey to the island was uneventful. I find the long, slow hikes and rickety boat trips on such an adventure almost soothing; at least when I'm not being fucking eaten alive. Someday, there will be a reckoning upon all the crawling, biting, stinging things and it shall be glorious.
We arrived on Ko Surin greeted by a young local man named Aawut, who had been arranged by Newberg to guide us to the relevant village. Aawut was a friendly sort, with a ready smile and keen eyes. He treated our weary little party to a small but hearty supper after the requisite salutations and networking. Our team having been welcomed and fed, the long trek caught up with us and we were shepherded to our respective quarters. The rooms were small, but comfortable as such things go, and for me at least the sleep afforded was quite restful.
Admittedly, the joys associated with a restful sleep were somewhat diminished when the rising sun brought gruesome tidings. Jenkins, a sturdy man in his forties Patrick had recruited in a seaside tavern, was found gutted and strewn about his bedroom after he had missed breakfast. Upon inspecting the body I found evidence of a high degree of precision and the use of a very sharp curved blade. It seemed like the wounds had been made while Jenkins yet lived, at least most of them, but there was no sign of struggle, no defensive injuries. The poor man had been drugged, tortured to death, and desecrated. Our journey had not been in vain.
I am fortunate that my proclivity for publicly assaulting people with my cane coupled with my tenacious curiosity in regards to certain specialized fields of astrology and geology grants me a delightful amount of liberty in my responsibilities to the University. They quite appreciate having me as a resource, but any excuse to get me off campus is more than welcome. And so it was a simple matter to convince the Dean that I was desperately needed to investigate this pressing matter... and that it would serve the University well in scholarly circles if they where to reopen my "Fieldwork" account that I may be fully prepared for a major discovery that I could then attribute to their generosity. Between Mr. Brennan's broad reaching contacts as a private investigator, and my enthusiasm where spending Arkham's money is concerned we had no difficulty assembling a team for this little expedition. We were kitted and on our way to Thailand within a week of speaking to Newberg.
Other than a few incidents of motion sickness from a former student of mine with a curious disposition, and a frankly unacceptable quantity of stinging insects, our journey to the island was uneventful. I find the long, slow hikes and rickety boat trips on such an adventure almost soothing; at least when I'm not being fucking eaten alive. Someday, there will be a reckoning upon all the crawling, biting, stinging things and it shall be glorious.
We arrived on Ko Surin greeted by a young local man named Aawut, who had been arranged by Newberg to guide us to the relevant village. Aawut was a friendly sort, with a ready smile and keen eyes. He treated our weary little party to a small but hearty supper after the requisite salutations and networking. Our team having been welcomed and fed, the long trek caught up with us and we were shepherded to our respective quarters. The rooms were small, but comfortable as such things go, and for me at least the sleep afforded was quite restful.
Admittedly, the joys associated with a restful sleep were somewhat diminished when the rising sun brought gruesome tidings. Jenkins, a sturdy man in his forties Patrick had recruited in a seaside tavern, was found gutted and strewn about his bedroom after he had missed breakfast. Upon inspecting the body I found evidence of a high degree of precision and the use of a very sharp curved blade. It seemed like the wounds had been made while Jenkins yet lived, at least most of them, but there was no sign of struggle, no defensive injuries. The poor man had been drugged, tortured to death, and desecrated. Our journey had not been in vain.
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