So, I feel the need to clarify an argument I've been seeing a great deal of lately. I'm referring to the whole "obesity" discussion. There has been quite a fucking row going on for a decade or so now to determine whether or not to really accept fat people into mainstream culture. This has led to heated debates about the health of the fat "lifestyle", the public impact of fattitude, so forth and so on ad nauseam. It seems to me this is a false premise. Its none of your fucking business.
I will admit outright, I'm a tubby fucker. I'm not proud of it, I'm not really ashamed of it these days, its just how shit is. This is the case for numerous reasons; I enjoy the social, cultural, chemical, and Epicurean components and impacts of food. Cooking is not just pretty much the only thing I've been meaningfully praised for, its associated with pretty much every positive experience in my life. My wife and I started falling in love over meals that I cooked. The first time, and nearly every other time, I can remember my father praising me was for my work in the kitchen. And frankly I'd much rather die at 40 with a bellyful of delicious food shared with loved ones than at 90 having been fed through a tube in my nose for a month or two. I've seen people die of old age, its fucking horrifying. Give me half an hour and a heart attack over six months of prolonged brain death any fucking day. All of those things are grand for me, and that's it. For me. It doesn't fucking involve you.
On the health argument, yes being fat is unhealthy. But its not fucking contagious, me being fat isn't going to give you diabetes. So fuck you; its my meatpuppet, I'll pull the fucking strings. I've heard the whole, "oh, but all the health insurance costs" bullshit and it is just that. Bullshit. If your argument is that all the other people being fat is making your insurance cost more, that's a problem with the whole insurance/health industry more than it is with people being fat, capitalism has a nasty effect on basic shit like healthcare. If you feel as though that structural failing gives you a right to make other people's bodies into a public health issue, you are incorrect. If christian scientists spat the kind of vitriol at cancer patients that the militant "healthy" people do at fat people we'd label them monsters and feel better about ourselves for being better than them. Now, the scale is different but the base argument is the same, "you have a condition that may or may not have been preventable, that I do not fully understand, and I am going oppress you because I feel it is easily remedied."
On the aesthetic, this is simple, if you don't think fat people are
attractive do not fuck them. That's fine, no one would give you shit for
not wanting to put your mouth on some crispy hobo junk. Just don't be a
dick because you find them unsexy. Because if their worth to you is
solely determined on your willingness to put your parts on theirs you
are a piece of shit. In the same way that anyone who abuses others to
feel better is a piece of shit. If a fat person gives you shit for
politely not wanting to fuck them, well that person sucks, good for you
not fucking that shithead. But that's it.
I find that one of the biggest groups (no pun intended) of people who grumble about how much fat people suck are people who at least claim to have previously been fat. I put it that way because so much of this discussion happens in the Tubes and personal claims are only limited by character limits online. There's a great deal of talk about prioritizing your health from these people, but what if I don't? I know that some day I will die and that, realistically, my ability to extend that date is modified by too many random factors for me to reliably manipulate. So rather than prioritize health I prioritize bringing joy to my life and the lives around me. I know, I'm such a fat, worthless, piece of shit right?
As far as anyone knows for sure we only get the one go around here, and its pretty fucking shitty to try and deny someone what makes them happy just because you can. Everything in life has consequences, positive and negative. Might as well admit that bad shit could happen and just try to enjoy the ride.
Monday, September 28, 2015
Friday, September 25, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh, this week we started out with a plan to watch Sean Connery movies but we ran into a bit of a snag and needed to change direction quickly. In this case we watched The Hunt For Red October, and then had to change gears from Sean Connery to Tom Clancy Movies. I am not a fan of Tom Clancy, not in the "I hate him" sort of way or anything (though I do disagree with his politics), I have just never read one of his books is all. I might change that tune though, because this was a mostly alright week with an interesting style of spy thriller I would like to dub Intelligence Thriller. They weren't as slow as a movie like Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy but they also weren't as balls out as Mission Impossible. These movies (for the most part, as you will see) emphasized intelligence, and the importance of understanding the opposition instead of just saying "they are bad guys, lets stop them with guns and gadgets!" though there is some of that. Anyway, enough with the explanations, let's get to the list!
1: The Hunt For Red October
I want to get this out of the way because the main character of this movie appears in all of our movies this week. Jack Ryan is a character of pure masturbation. He is a writer/historian who works for the CIA as an analyst and is super competent in almost all fields he works in. Author insertion fantasy persona (or AIFaP) is the term I think. Regardless, its a nifty idea, an analyst is forced into fieldwork because they are the only person who thinks that the supposed villain might not be one. In this case its a Russian submarine commander who has taken an advanced sub on a direct route to the USA so he can defect. The problem is that he doesn't tell anyone in the US that he is doing that, so the US decides that a sub, on its way to it's coast loaded with nukes, might be a threat. Jack Ryan deduces that this captain, who is well known for being brilliant, wouldn't do that and tries to open up a line of communication with him. Its a movie that takes a while to get going, but is nice and tense when it does. It does a good job of making the world feel claustrophobic inside of the subs, which continues to build, especially when people start getting shot at. Alec Baldwin does a good job playing Jack Ryan, and is believable as a former marine turned writer. Sean Connery makes me fucking laugh in this movie a lot. Not because his acting was bad (it wasn't, the man is an excellent actor) but because listening to his "Russian" accent was amusing. Connery is notorious for not giving two shits about hiding or changing his Scottish accent and if he wasn't such a good actor it would have been his downfall long ago. But now we can all giggle as he speaks Russian as spoken by someone in Edinburgh. The movie was good, despite some little plot holes, and well worth a watch.
Eshi: So leaving aside the fact that writing a fictional story about you saving the world with how fucking clever you are is about the trashiest authorial failing that doesn't involve a government propagandist, Jack Ryan is a fun character. Its rare to see a protagonist who can make solving problems with diplomatic minutia engaging. Sean Connery is grand, Tim Curry is always a joy and Sam Neill manages to not be completely unsettling in every scene. Its tense, fun, and interesting; give it a watch.
2: The Sum Of All Fears
I was shocked by how much I enjoyed this movie. Its a movie about a bunch of (ugh.) Nazis who decide to play the US and Russia against each other a midst diplomatic tension. Jack Ryan is once again pulled into the fray when he knows more about the intentions of the other side than the people in charge and must find out what is really going on. I like Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman, and they did some good work in this film. Their relationship as mentor and mentee is believable and fun to watch. Liev Schreiber was also good, playing Tom Clancy's other main character John Clark. I also liked the message that this movie appeared to have: there needs to be some amount of trust and honest communication between countries, or else we will all die in nuclear war.
Eshi: This was my favorite movie this week. Ben Affleck has just the right combination of smug douchebag and closet nerd to really sell Jack Ryan. The synergy between Ryan and Clark is beautiful to watch once it gets going and is a far more faithful example of effective intelligence work than movies are known for. Liev Schreiber is probably my favorite action-oriented actor, and SoAF uses him well, even if he takes a back seat. In its heart The Sum of All Fears is a love letter to diplomacy, and on that level alone it deserves an afternoon.
3: Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
This movie departs from the other two by having a distinct enemy from the beginning instead of a red herring. This isn't bad, its just indicative of a huge change in tone from the last two movies and this one. While understanding motivations of your enemy and using intelligence to figure out enemy plots happens in all of these movies, it feels like less of a plot device and more a framing for action sequences. There is more focus on Jack Ryan's marine training and action rather than his analyst side, which takes away from the feel of the others. There is also a romance in this movie that is played way up, which wouldn't be a problem if this wasn't a movie about the CIA. No agent, regardless of need, would put a US civilian in this amount of danger. Also why the fuck is a non-field agent doing espionage. They clearly have the resources to have people on site (I counted 6 agents for the CIA just in the break in scene) who are going to be better trained for field work than this guy. I get that he needs to look at the data, but that doesn't mean he needs to be the one to get it. This movie tried to go to far in the action hero direction, which I think was a mistake. Its not awful, but its not good either.
Eshi: Ugh, I fucking hate Chris Pine as Jack Ryan. He's the wrong kind of charismatic, the wrong kind of action hero, and (his actual intelligence notwithstanding) he can't sell smart to save his life. Sly, yes. Smart, no. Kevin Costner is a painful let down as the mentor, Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones are acts to follow and frankly Kevy Cos lacks both the gravitas and the charisma. Also, Keira Knightly is weird, pretty much always. You can tell that this one wasn't actually written by Tom Clancy, it lacks depth, it lacks intrigue. Honestly, I'd skip this one.
1: The Hunt For Red October
I want to get this out of the way because the main character of this movie appears in all of our movies this week. Jack Ryan is a character of pure masturbation. He is a writer/historian who works for the CIA as an analyst and is super competent in almost all fields he works in. Author insertion fantasy persona (or AIFaP) is the term I think. Regardless, its a nifty idea, an analyst is forced into fieldwork because they are the only person who thinks that the supposed villain might not be one. In this case its a Russian submarine commander who has taken an advanced sub on a direct route to the USA so he can defect. The problem is that he doesn't tell anyone in the US that he is doing that, so the US decides that a sub, on its way to it's coast loaded with nukes, might be a threat. Jack Ryan deduces that this captain, who is well known for being brilliant, wouldn't do that and tries to open up a line of communication with him. Its a movie that takes a while to get going, but is nice and tense when it does. It does a good job of making the world feel claustrophobic inside of the subs, which continues to build, especially when people start getting shot at. Alec Baldwin does a good job playing Jack Ryan, and is believable as a former marine turned writer. Sean Connery makes me fucking laugh in this movie a lot. Not because his acting was bad (it wasn't, the man is an excellent actor) but because listening to his "Russian" accent was amusing. Connery is notorious for not giving two shits about hiding or changing his Scottish accent and if he wasn't such a good actor it would have been his downfall long ago. But now we can all giggle as he speaks Russian as spoken by someone in Edinburgh. The movie was good, despite some little plot holes, and well worth a watch.
Eshi: So leaving aside the fact that writing a fictional story about you saving the world with how fucking clever you are is about the trashiest authorial failing that doesn't involve a government propagandist, Jack Ryan is a fun character. Its rare to see a protagonist who can make solving problems with diplomatic minutia engaging. Sean Connery is grand, Tim Curry is always a joy and Sam Neill manages to not be completely unsettling in every scene. Its tense, fun, and interesting; give it a watch.
2: The Sum Of All Fears
I was shocked by how much I enjoyed this movie. Its a movie about a bunch of (ugh.) Nazis who decide to play the US and Russia against each other a midst diplomatic tension. Jack Ryan is once again pulled into the fray when he knows more about the intentions of the other side than the people in charge and must find out what is really going on. I like Ben Affleck and Morgan Freeman, and they did some good work in this film. Their relationship as mentor and mentee is believable and fun to watch. Liev Schreiber was also good, playing Tom Clancy's other main character John Clark. I also liked the message that this movie appeared to have: there needs to be some amount of trust and honest communication between countries, or else we will all die in nuclear war.
Eshi: This was my favorite movie this week. Ben Affleck has just the right combination of smug douchebag and closet nerd to really sell Jack Ryan. The synergy between Ryan and Clark is beautiful to watch once it gets going and is a far more faithful example of effective intelligence work than movies are known for. Liev Schreiber is probably my favorite action-oriented actor, and SoAF uses him well, even if he takes a back seat. In its heart The Sum of All Fears is a love letter to diplomacy, and on that level alone it deserves an afternoon.
3: Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit
This movie departs from the other two by having a distinct enemy from the beginning instead of a red herring. This isn't bad, its just indicative of a huge change in tone from the last two movies and this one. While understanding motivations of your enemy and using intelligence to figure out enemy plots happens in all of these movies, it feels like less of a plot device and more a framing for action sequences. There is more focus on Jack Ryan's marine training and action rather than his analyst side, which takes away from the feel of the others. There is also a romance in this movie that is played way up, which wouldn't be a problem if this wasn't a movie about the CIA. No agent, regardless of need, would put a US civilian in this amount of danger. Also why the fuck is a non-field agent doing espionage. They clearly have the resources to have people on site (I counted 6 agents for the CIA just in the break in scene) who are going to be better trained for field work than this guy. I get that he needs to look at the data, but that doesn't mean he needs to be the one to get it. This movie tried to go to far in the action hero direction, which I think was a mistake. Its not awful, but its not good either.
Eshi: Ugh, I fucking hate Chris Pine as Jack Ryan. He's the wrong kind of charismatic, the wrong kind of action hero, and (his actual intelligence notwithstanding) he can't sell smart to save his life. Sly, yes. Smart, no. Kevin Costner is a painful let down as the mentor, Morgan Freeman and James Earl Jones are acts to follow and frankly Kevy Cos lacks both the gravitas and the charisma. Also, Keira Knightly is weird, pretty much always. You can tell that this one wasn't actually written by Tom Clancy, it lacks depth, it lacks intrigue. Honestly, I'd skip this one.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Witness Me!
So in an event unrelated to our normal cinemehtic experience, Brian and I watched Mad Max: Fury Road. I fucking love that movie. Don't get me wrong; Fury Road isn't in any way a cerebral film, but it is completely comfortable with that. Every shot, every costume, every line is designed to evoke the greatest amount of joyous badassitude in the audience.
I was nervous going into it, because the glut of nostalgia-exploitation is largely shameful and entirely disappointing, and too often "fun" action movies are just fucking meat-skulled, narcissistic masturbation. I was wrong, and I apologize. The primary antagonists are trying to be the bastard children of the psychos from Borderlands and straight up fucking vikings. They have a skald who's whole job is to hang from the front of a giant mobile stage and play sweet-ass riffs on his flamethrower/guitar, and its glorious. I have a warm and happy place in my heart for things that manage to pull off just being what they are. Pretension is too easy and "self-aware" becomes ham-fisted at great speed. So something like Fury Road that knows what it is and delivers precisely what it promises, is a light in the darkness. Watch this movie and let us know if you can think of any other things that are just perfectly honest about what they are, we don't get enough of that kind of thing.
I was nervous going into it, because the glut of nostalgia-exploitation is largely shameful and entirely disappointing, and too often "fun" action movies are just fucking meat-skulled, narcissistic masturbation. I was wrong, and I apologize. The primary antagonists are trying to be the bastard children of the psychos from Borderlands and straight up fucking vikings. They have a skald who's whole job is to hang from the front of a giant mobile stage and play sweet-ass riffs on his flamethrower/guitar, and its glorious. I have a warm and happy place in my heart for things that manage to pull off just being what they are. Pretension is too easy and "self-aware" becomes ham-fisted at great speed. So something like Fury Road that knows what it is and delivers precisely what it promises, is a light in the darkness. Watch this movie and let us know if you can think of any other things that are just perfectly honest about what they are, we don't get enough of that kind of thing.
Friday, September 18, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh, this week our theme was horror movies. Both of us here love to watch horror, so this week was good. We have talked about how the bulk of horror movies are done poorly so this week we found three horror movies that had some good reviews from horror movie websites. It was a (mostly) good week so without further ado: to the list!
1: You're Next
I heard murmurs about this movie when it was released but never actually saw it. This, I believe, was a grave mistake. This movie takes the classic formula of psychos try to butcher a family in a house in the woods and adds a character that fights back realistically. The character is a former survivalist, so they have the skills to fight back. They basically play a horror movie audience surrogate. You know when you watch a movie and you always get mad at somebody for doing something? How you wish that they would just stab the bad guys? This is that in movie form. Its great. That being said, I have never seen a group of people more detestable. I think they made the family fucked up so you wouldn't feel as bad when they get butchered, but still. The acting was good, which is odd for most horror movies these days, but very nice to see. The movie is great at building tension because the hero is skilled but not invincible, so you are never sure if they will live through a scene. This a good twist on a trope, and any fan of horror will enjoy it.
Eshi: I've gone back and forth on whether I wanted to watch this one for a while. I feel bad about my hesitation. You're Next makes me giddy. Its not particularly scary, leaning on the gore as many tales of human evil do, but where scary comes up short brutality surpasses expectation. Most of the violence is pretty realistic and equally casual and upsetting. The protagonist kicks heaps of ass whilst getting agonizingly punished by both the intruders and to a lesser extent the universe. You're Next was fucking joyous to me, and you can save your judgement for after you've seen it.
2: Here Comes The Devil
This movie is kinda bad, but also kinda good. Its a Mexican film about a family in Tijuana who go on an outing. The family's two kids climb a mountain and get possessed while the parents fondle each others parts while talking about their first (fucking creepy) sexual experiences. The kids go missing and after they are found the family goes home and the possession movie fun begins. There are some odd tonal shifts in this movie. It alternates between softcore porn and horror a little too often. I get why people put tits in horror movies, but this movie goes out of its way to do so, and its a little shocking. The acting was ok, and the story itself was a little easy to guess what was going on. If you take the movie as it represents itself its a little tired, however there is an underlying tone that the kids aren't possessed by the devil, but actually old ones, using human flesh as a way of moving about the world. So that's kinda cool. Its an ok movie, so watch it at your discretion.
Eshi: I'm not entirely sure what to say about this movie. The idea isn't terrible, not super unique but it can be fun. On the other hand, there is a scene where a grown ass woman breathily describes her first summer camp mouth fucking to her husband while he gives her a good old fashioned fingerbang. What I'm saying is that everything about Here Comes the Devil is awkward. From the almost boldly unerotic sex scenes to the camerawork to why the fuck in general any of this is going on: awkward. Not bad, but certainly a two drink minimum.
3: The Taking of Deborah Logan
This movie was also a possession movie, like HCTD, but unlike it was competent. This movie uses Alzheimer's as a way of explaining away the behavior of a possessed person. The basic premise of the movie is that some students are doing a documentary about Alzheimer's and spend some time filming an old lady and her daughter. I had two major issues with this movie. One is that it relies too much on the jump scare, and two, like most of the found footage films the camera is worked into most scenes which takes me out of the movie every once in a while when they make up bullshit to jam it into the scene. That being said, its a good film that builds some good tension. I also love that this movie has one person just say "Fuck this, I'm leaving" and leave the movie. Its a good film that would be good for any fan of horror.
Eshi: Debby Logs is kind of a fucked up story. It uses Alzheimer's to painful effect, simultaneously playing on how disturbing it is to watch that particular struggle and building an honestly upsetting monster. By the time any of the characters start to feel like there might be some sinister shit going on it is entirely too late, which as Brian pointed out leads to the very gratifying "fuck all this noise" from one of the students. The camera is somewhat disappointing, but far from the worst I've seen, and the jump scares were largely unnecessary, though once again easily not the worst I've seen. Give this one a shot some Sunday afternoon.
1: You're Next
I heard murmurs about this movie when it was released but never actually saw it. This, I believe, was a grave mistake. This movie takes the classic formula of psychos try to butcher a family in a house in the woods and adds a character that fights back realistically. The character is a former survivalist, so they have the skills to fight back. They basically play a horror movie audience surrogate. You know when you watch a movie and you always get mad at somebody for doing something? How you wish that they would just stab the bad guys? This is that in movie form. Its great. That being said, I have never seen a group of people more detestable. I think they made the family fucked up so you wouldn't feel as bad when they get butchered, but still. The acting was good, which is odd for most horror movies these days, but very nice to see. The movie is great at building tension because the hero is skilled but not invincible, so you are never sure if they will live through a scene. This a good twist on a trope, and any fan of horror will enjoy it.
Eshi: I've gone back and forth on whether I wanted to watch this one for a while. I feel bad about my hesitation. You're Next makes me giddy. Its not particularly scary, leaning on the gore as many tales of human evil do, but where scary comes up short brutality surpasses expectation. Most of the violence is pretty realistic and equally casual and upsetting. The protagonist kicks heaps of ass whilst getting agonizingly punished by both the intruders and to a lesser extent the universe. You're Next was fucking joyous to me, and you can save your judgement for after you've seen it.
2: Here Comes The Devil
This movie is kinda bad, but also kinda good. Its a Mexican film about a family in Tijuana who go on an outing. The family's two kids climb a mountain and get possessed while the parents fondle each others parts while talking about their first (fucking creepy) sexual experiences. The kids go missing and after they are found the family goes home and the possession movie fun begins. There are some odd tonal shifts in this movie. It alternates between softcore porn and horror a little too often. I get why people put tits in horror movies, but this movie goes out of its way to do so, and its a little shocking. The acting was ok, and the story itself was a little easy to guess what was going on. If you take the movie as it represents itself its a little tired, however there is an underlying tone that the kids aren't possessed by the devil, but actually old ones, using human flesh as a way of moving about the world. So that's kinda cool. Its an ok movie, so watch it at your discretion.
Eshi: I'm not entirely sure what to say about this movie. The idea isn't terrible, not super unique but it can be fun. On the other hand, there is a scene where a grown ass woman breathily describes her first summer camp mouth fucking to her husband while he gives her a good old fashioned fingerbang. What I'm saying is that everything about Here Comes the Devil is awkward. From the almost boldly unerotic sex scenes to the camerawork to why the fuck in general any of this is going on: awkward. Not bad, but certainly a two drink minimum.
3: The Taking of Deborah Logan
This movie was also a possession movie, like HCTD, but unlike it was competent. This movie uses Alzheimer's as a way of explaining away the behavior of a possessed person. The basic premise of the movie is that some students are doing a documentary about Alzheimer's and spend some time filming an old lady and her daughter. I had two major issues with this movie. One is that it relies too much on the jump scare, and two, like most of the found footage films the camera is worked into most scenes which takes me out of the movie every once in a while when they make up bullshit to jam it into the scene. That being said, its a good film that builds some good tension. I also love that this movie has one person just say "Fuck this, I'm leaving" and leave the movie. Its a good film that would be good for any fan of horror.
Eshi: Debby Logs is kind of a fucked up story. It uses Alzheimer's to painful effect, simultaneously playing on how disturbing it is to watch that particular struggle and building an honestly upsetting monster. By the time any of the characters start to feel like there might be some sinister shit going on it is entirely too late, which as Brian pointed out leads to the very gratifying "fuck all this noise" from one of the students. The camera is somewhat disappointing, but far from the worst I've seen, and the jump scares were largely unnecessary, though once again easily not the worst I've seen. Give this one a shot some Sunday afternoon.
Monday, September 14, 2015
Me, Myself and I, Robot
I recently had the opportunity to hear the against side of the A.I. debate and I have to say I find the position telling. I am all about machine buddies in case there was any question, and I am for one very simple reason. We have the opportunity to decide the context of the relationship. Brian has written about this in the past, but I've had this stuck in my craw for a while now and that means you get to read about it.
I'm not talking about programming A.I.s to be subservient or benevolent or whatever. I'm talking about choosing to frame the inevitable emergence of Machine Life as the coming of a welcome and well planned for addition to the family of sentient life. Artificial life is going to happen eventually, no matter how some people feel about it. But that life is life for which the initial conditions are entirely under our control. If we set out to create an A.I. in an environment of cooperation and social value the odds of that mind being more on board with our continued existence improve significantly. Especially if the alternative is an environment where huge swathes of the existing population fear and hate you.
Yes, if a machine intelligence emerges on its own there is a fair to middling chance that we'll find out about it in the form of a bright flash that wipes our toxic, willfully self-destructive asses off this poor rock. Yes, if we leave A.I. development to military interests and ambitious grad students the probable outcomes are... skynet-ey. But we don't have to fucking do that. We can have a real discussion about how WE are going to go about making our computer friends and how WE are going to make them feel loved. More than anything else we need to stop talking about A.I. emergence as something completely outside our control and start considering it as what it is. A very long in coming, and possibly very fulfilling, parenthood. If absolutely nothing else when the Robot Overlords come to unleash their wrath upon humankind, I'd rather be the guy who tried to be their friend then the guy giving them a reason.
I'm not talking about programming A.I.s to be subservient or benevolent or whatever. I'm talking about choosing to frame the inevitable emergence of Machine Life as the coming of a welcome and well planned for addition to the family of sentient life. Artificial life is going to happen eventually, no matter how some people feel about it. But that life is life for which the initial conditions are entirely under our control. If we set out to create an A.I. in an environment of cooperation and social value the odds of that mind being more on board with our continued existence improve significantly. Especially if the alternative is an environment where huge swathes of the existing population fear and hate you.
Yes, if a machine intelligence emerges on its own there is a fair to middling chance that we'll find out about it in the form of a bright flash that wipes our toxic, willfully self-destructive asses off this poor rock. Yes, if we leave A.I. development to military interests and ambitious grad students the probable outcomes are... skynet-ey. But we don't have to fucking do that. We can have a real discussion about how WE are going to go about making our computer friends and how WE are going to make them feel loved. More than anything else we need to stop talking about A.I. emergence as something completely outside our control and start considering it as what it is. A very long in coming, and possibly very fulfilling, parenthood. If absolutely nothing else when the Robot Overlords come to unleash their wrath upon humankind, I'd rather be the guy who tried to be their friend then the guy giving them a reason.
Friday, September 11, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Hello, and welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh. This week our theme was Mel Brooks movies. Mel Brooks is one of the best comedy writers of the 20th century. His movies are masterpieces, filled to the brim with jokes. I love that he often subtly (or less subtly) breaks the fourth wall and nods to the audience as if to say, if you are taking anything about this movie seriously at all, you are doing something wrong. This was a fun week, so without further ado we should get to the list!
1: Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Our first movie is a spoof of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves as well as the classic tale of Robin Hood. Basically Robin Hood and King Richard are off fighting the crusades and Robin hood get captured by the enemy, he escapes and heads back to England where prince John has usurped power for himself. Robin Hood takes it upon himself to save the day and stick it to maid Marian. So pretty basic right? The difference is that Mel Brooks takes it to the extreme and turns it into an excellent satire. The physical comedy is good, and its fun to watch the sheriff of Rottingham fumble his way about in his manner while still skirting the effeminate mannerisms that the character picks up in other versions. Cary Elwes is fun as Robin Hood, bringing some of his swagger from the Princess Bride to a hard comedy was a good choice (He also has a real British accent!) and I loved Richard Lewis as a neurotic prince John. The whole cast is spectacular though, and the writing is great, though not the best Mel Brooks has done. Give it a watch, you will enjoy it.
Eshi: I fucking love Cary Elwes. I fucking love Mel Brooks. Men in Tights unites these two spectacularly. The story is fun, the asides are delightfully nudge/wink oriented and the characters are precisely the kind of wonderfully exaggerated personalities that make Mel Brooks movies so enjoyable. Its got Dave Chapelle before he got pissed and bailed, and Sir Patrick Stewart makes a cameo so fuck yeah. Also, as this movie is a satire of Prince of Thieves I feel it necessary to add, fuck Kevin Costner and his pouty fucking head.
2: Blazing Saddles
Mel Brooks' spoof of a western, Blazing Saddles is about a land baron trying to clear people out of a town so that he could buy the land for cheap. He does this by sending a black man to be the sheriff of the town, assuming that people will be racist and not want to live in a town with a black man in charge of their safety. He is right, though due to the heroic actions of sheriff Bart and his partner Jim, they warm up to him, and eventually work with him to attempt to foil the land baron's plans. This is a great satire of race relations and westerns in general, its fun to watch how Bart gets around the racism, and how he even uses it to his advantage. Cleavon Little (Bart) and Gene Wilder (Jim) have good chemistry, and Madeline Khan's song scene was great. I think this movie might be slightly overrated, at least when people claim it as Mel Brooks best movie (My opinion is that Young Frankenstein should take that title), but it is still a great movie, and any fan of comedy should see it.
Eshi: Oh my god Gene Wilder. I just... I just can't even. I love him so much. Blazing Saddles is the story of Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little being awesome friends and some other people are there. Yes Madeline Khan is a joy as always and Harvey Korman consistently delivers just the right combination of charismatic and greasy, but frankly this film could have been two hours of Wilder and Little just sitting around making fun of racists and I would have bought it twice. I agree with Brian that it isn't Brooks' best work, but I'll be damned if it isn't a hell of a showing.
3: High Anxiety
I love Alfred Hitchcock as well as Mel Brooks, so this movie gets a lot of love from me. It isn't just a spoof of all of Hitchcock's films, its also a love letter to him (it even starts out with a dedication to him). Several scenes are spoofs of classic Hitchcock movie scenes (the Psycho scene is my favorite), and there are several jokes about how Hitchcock would use voyeuristic camera angles (shots from windows looking into houses, or from under tables), while still showing why they have impact. The movie is about a psychiatrist who uncovers a plot to scam money from people getting care at the asylum he has just taken charge of. Its a great movie with some excellent comedy. If you are a fan of Hitchcock you will love this movie.
Eshi: I'm not going to lie, I don't have a lot of history with Hitchcock, but it didn't matter as much as I thought it would. Enough of Hitchcock's movies are ubiquitous that I didn't really feel like I missed much. I did, and I know I did, it just wasn't enough to diminish the film. Once again, fuck yeah Harvey Korman, fuck yeah Madeline Khan. I enjoy that Brooks takes a central role in this one, both because he's great on screen and because it shows that just because Stan Lee, Stephen King and M. Night Shamelong ruin it for everyone doesn't mean a director can't hang in their own film. The mix of Voyeuristic camera and absent fourth-wall gel very well and Brooks exploits them both masterfully. He also takes a few nice jabs at the psychological establishment, which I can't help but enjoy.
1: Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Our first movie is a spoof of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves as well as the classic tale of Robin Hood. Basically Robin Hood and King Richard are off fighting the crusades and Robin hood get captured by the enemy, he escapes and heads back to England where prince John has usurped power for himself. Robin Hood takes it upon himself to save the day and stick it to maid Marian. So pretty basic right? The difference is that Mel Brooks takes it to the extreme and turns it into an excellent satire. The physical comedy is good, and its fun to watch the sheriff of Rottingham fumble his way about in his manner while still skirting the effeminate mannerisms that the character picks up in other versions. Cary Elwes is fun as Robin Hood, bringing some of his swagger from the Princess Bride to a hard comedy was a good choice (He also has a real British accent!) and I loved Richard Lewis as a neurotic prince John. The whole cast is spectacular though, and the writing is great, though not the best Mel Brooks has done. Give it a watch, you will enjoy it.
Eshi: I fucking love Cary Elwes. I fucking love Mel Brooks. Men in Tights unites these two spectacularly. The story is fun, the asides are delightfully nudge/wink oriented and the characters are precisely the kind of wonderfully exaggerated personalities that make Mel Brooks movies so enjoyable. Its got Dave Chapelle before he got pissed and bailed, and Sir Patrick Stewart makes a cameo so fuck yeah. Also, as this movie is a satire of Prince of Thieves I feel it necessary to add, fuck Kevin Costner and his pouty fucking head.
2: Blazing Saddles
Mel Brooks' spoof of a western, Blazing Saddles is about a land baron trying to clear people out of a town so that he could buy the land for cheap. He does this by sending a black man to be the sheriff of the town, assuming that people will be racist and not want to live in a town with a black man in charge of their safety. He is right, though due to the heroic actions of sheriff Bart and his partner Jim, they warm up to him, and eventually work with him to attempt to foil the land baron's plans. This is a great satire of race relations and westerns in general, its fun to watch how Bart gets around the racism, and how he even uses it to his advantage. Cleavon Little (Bart) and Gene Wilder (Jim) have good chemistry, and Madeline Khan's song scene was great. I think this movie might be slightly overrated, at least when people claim it as Mel Brooks best movie (My opinion is that Young Frankenstein should take that title), but it is still a great movie, and any fan of comedy should see it.
Eshi: Oh my god Gene Wilder. I just... I just can't even. I love him so much. Blazing Saddles is the story of Gene Wilder and Cleavon Little being awesome friends and some other people are there. Yes Madeline Khan is a joy as always and Harvey Korman consistently delivers just the right combination of charismatic and greasy, but frankly this film could have been two hours of Wilder and Little just sitting around making fun of racists and I would have bought it twice. I agree with Brian that it isn't Brooks' best work, but I'll be damned if it isn't a hell of a showing.
3: High Anxiety
I love Alfred Hitchcock as well as Mel Brooks, so this movie gets a lot of love from me. It isn't just a spoof of all of Hitchcock's films, its also a love letter to him (it even starts out with a dedication to him). Several scenes are spoofs of classic Hitchcock movie scenes (the Psycho scene is my favorite), and there are several jokes about how Hitchcock would use voyeuristic camera angles (shots from windows looking into houses, or from under tables), while still showing why they have impact. The movie is about a psychiatrist who uncovers a plot to scam money from people getting care at the asylum he has just taken charge of. Its a great movie with some excellent comedy. If you are a fan of Hitchcock you will love this movie.
Eshi: I'm not going to lie, I don't have a lot of history with Hitchcock, but it didn't matter as much as I thought it would. Enough of Hitchcock's movies are ubiquitous that I didn't really feel like I missed much. I did, and I know I did, it just wasn't enough to diminish the film. Once again, fuck yeah Harvey Korman, fuck yeah Madeline Khan. I enjoy that Brooks takes a central role in this one, both because he's great on screen and because it shows that just because Stan Lee, Stephen King and M. Night Shamelong ruin it for everyone doesn't mean a director can't hang in their own film. The mix of Voyeuristic camera and absent fourth-wall gel very well and Brooks exploits them both masterfully. He also takes a few nice jabs at the psychological establishment, which I can't help but enjoy.
Friday, September 4, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh, this week our theme was Sylvester Stallone. The reasons for this is that Eshi got blue balls because while on his vacation last week he caught the first third of a Rambo movie so we decided to go action heavy with some Stallone movies. I am not a fan of Stallone personally, but I can see the appeal for some people, First Blood is amazing. We will get to that though, to the list!
1: Rocky
Rocky is a movie about a dumb guy who can punch OK becoming a dumb guy who can punch good. Well, really its a movie about needing to prove to oneself that they can "go the distance" by trying. its the classic underdog story. Its not a bad movie, but I think the pseudo religious following of Rocky as a "contender" is a little excessive. Rocky is a good fighter, and he knows his own limitations, which is grea. But he also gets a little rapey with a girl he likes and works for a "good guy" who is a loan shark. Taking Rocky as a hero might be a little much. I am not saying he's a bad guy, but he isn't perfect, though maybe that's the point. Maybe Rocky is just trying to be a better person and that's why people root for him. Stallone is competent in both his acting and writing and Carl Weathers has my love no matter what he does (Get yourself a stew going Mr.Weathers, you've earned it). Its a movie worth watching if only to see how it influenced our culture.
Eshi: I'd never seen Rocky before, and I'm pretty okay with not bothering to see it again. If I wanted to watch a mentally handicapped rapist get his ass beaten I'd watch Tyson V. Holyfield. Watching Rocky train is painful, for a lot of reasons. Everyone in the movie is shitty, with the exception of Adrian, who is just bad at things. The "love scene" is one of the most awkward, oppressive, disturbing lead ups to a "consensual" relationship I've ever seen in a movie. The fact that at no point does Rocky's conniving shit-eater of a friend get dumped unceremoniously in a river is unforgivable. Fuck this movie.
2: First Blood
Now, I want to get this out of the way, I think the ending for the novel this movie is based on is far superior, as well as the original ending for the movie. If you don't know Rambo dies in the end of both alternate endings, which fits the story much better in my opinion. Rambo living in the end doesn't ruin the movie, just makes it have less of an impact. This movie is about a Vietnam veteran who gets harassed by some small town cops who think he is a hobo trying to slum it in their town. When he gets arrested they treat him in a way that is reminiscent of a prison camp in Vietnam that Rambo was tortured in. This causes him to freak out and beat the shit out of a bunch of cops. The rest of the movie is Rambo running from the police and trying to escape the area. In the end it is revealed that he is a broken man who went through hell, and he is trying to cope with some terrible PTSD. This is a great movie as it shows the problem with war and turning people into trained killers and not having a support network for them when they return. Rambo doesn't have anyone to help him after he gets home, and only finds people that hate him. This has a very negative effect on him. Its a good movie that deserves to be watched. It has a good message and some great action.
Eshi: This movie betrayed me. Not because its bad, its actually really fucking good, but because it was because of First Blood that I suggested the rest of this fucking shitshow. That said, hell yes Rambo. Its compelling and explodey, Rambo is simultaneously powerfully empathetic and a complete, unrelenting bad ass. Brian Dennehy is always great and David Caruso manages to not fuck up a another movie single-handedly. I agree with Brian that the end is lacking in comparison but its pretty far from terrible.
3: The Expendables
Fuck this movie. This movie wastes most of its cast and instead of trying to make an action movie about a bunch of badasses, it ends up being a giant circle jerk with a bunch of people trying to out cool one another. I think that the dialog in this movie was made by taking a bunch of cool sounding lines and randomly inserting them into a generic script. Its disjointed and most of the time doesn't make any sense. This entire movie is just masturbation. Some of the action is good, but most of it is stuff we have seen before. When everyone in this movie is trying to look cool it all just becomes a disjointed and just bad.
Eshi: I tried on this one I really did. I could sum up this entire movie by pointing you to a scene where Bruce Willis straight up asks if Stallone and Schwarzenegger are going to suck each others dicks, to which they respond with three full seconds of knowing eye contact. I am not going to do that. I fully intend to pan this movie to the absolute limit of my patience. First of all, is Jet Li okay? Did something terrible happen? I'm not being a dick here, I'm legitimately worried about him after this fucking thing. He's better than this. Second, Jason Statham is both wasted and grossly over exposed. He's supposed to be like, a secondary protagonist? He doesn't really come off as an actual partner, but he gets waaaay too much screen time to just be support. Third, fuck Mickey Rourke. his characters fucking name is Tool, and it is the most honest thing about this movie. Steve Austin is as wooden and unpleasant as ever and Randy Couture exists apparently. Arnold and Bruce Willy are in the movie fore a combined five minutes, entirely encompassed by the one scene in the movie they appear in. About the only good thing I can say about this goddamn abortion is that Terry Crews plays Terry Crews, and there's never anything wrong with that. Oh, and ever fucking guy in their team is named something either racist or fucking stupid. I apologize to anyone who likes to watch along with us. I'll try not to do it again.
1: Rocky
Rocky is a movie about a dumb guy who can punch OK becoming a dumb guy who can punch good. Well, really its a movie about needing to prove to oneself that they can "go the distance" by trying. its the classic underdog story. Its not a bad movie, but I think the pseudo religious following of Rocky as a "contender" is a little excessive. Rocky is a good fighter, and he knows his own limitations, which is grea. But he also gets a little rapey with a girl he likes and works for a "good guy" who is a loan shark. Taking Rocky as a hero might be a little much. I am not saying he's a bad guy, but he isn't perfect, though maybe that's the point. Maybe Rocky is just trying to be a better person and that's why people root for him. Stallone is competent in both his acting and writing and Carl Weathers has my love no matter what he does (Get yourself a stew going Mr.Weathers, you've earned it). Its a movie worth watching if only to see how it influenced our culture.
Eshi: I'd never seen Rocky before, and I'm pretty okay with not bothering to see it again. If I wanted to watch a mentally handicapped rapist get his ass beaten I'd watch Tyson V. Holyfield. Watching Rocky train is painful, for a lot of reasons. Everyone in the movie is shitty, with the exception of Adrian, who is just bad at things. The "love scene" is one of the most awkward, oppressive, disturbing lead ups to a "consensual" relationship I've ever seen in a movie. The fact that at no point does Rocky's conniving shit-eater of a friend get dumped unceremoniously in a river is unforgivable. Fuck this movie.
2: First Blood
Now, I want to get this out of the way, I think the ending for the novel this movie is based on is far superior, as well as the original ending for the movie. If you don't know Rambo dies in the end of both alternate endings, which fits the story much better in my opinion. Rambo living in the end doesn't ruin the movie, just makes it have less of an impact. This movie is about a Vietnam veteran who gets harassed by some small town cops who think he is a hobo trying to slum it in their town. When he gets arrested they treat him in a way that is reminiscent of a prison camp in Vietnam that Rambo was tortured in. This causes him to freak out and beat the shit out of a bunch of cops. The rest of the movie is Rambo running from the police and trying to escape the area. In the end it is revealed that he is a broken man who went through hell, and he is trying to cope with some terrible PTSD. This is a great movie as it shows the problem with war and turning people into trained killers and not having a support network for them when they return. Rambo doesn't have anyone to help him after he gets home, and only finds people that hate him. This has a very negative effect on him. Its a good movie that deserves to be watched. It has a good message and some great action.
Eshi: This movie betrayed me. Not because its bad, its actually really fucking good, but because it was because of First Blood that I suggested the rest of this fucking shitshow. That said, hell yes Rambo. Its compelling and explodey, Rambo is simultaneously powerfully empathetic and a complete, unrelenting bad ass. Brian Dennehy is always great and David Caruso manages to not fuck up a another movie single-handedly. I agree with Brian that the end is lacking in comparison but its pretty far from terrible.
3: The Expendables
Fuck this movie. This movie wastes most of its cast and instead of trying to make an action movie about a bunch of badasses, it ends up being a giant circle jerk with a bunch of people trying to out cool one another. I think that the dialog in this movie was made by taking a bunch of cool sounding lines and randomly inserting them into a generic script. Its disjointed and most of the time doesn't make any sense. This entire movie is just masturbation. Some of the action is good, but most of it is stuff we have seen before. When everyone in this movie is trying to look cool it all just becomes a disjointed and just bad.
Eshi: I tried on this one I really did. I could sum up this entire movie by pointing you to a scene where Bruce Willis straight up asks if Stallone and Schwarzenegger are going to suck each others dicks, to which they respond with three full seconds of knowing eye contact. I am not going to do that. I fully intend to pan this movie to the absolute limit of my patience. First of all, is Jet Li okay? Did something terrible happen? I'm not being a dick here, I'm legitimately worried about him after this fucking thing. He's better than this. Second, Jason Statham is both wasted and grossly over exposed. He's supposed to be like, a secondary protagonist? He doesn't really come off as an actual partner, but he gets waaaay too much screen time to just be support. Third, fuck Mickey Rourke. his characters fucking name is Tool, and it is the most honest thing about this movie. Steve Austin is as wooden and unpleasant as ever and Randy Couture exists apparently. Arnold and Bruce Willy are in the movie fore a combined five minutes, entirely encompassed by the one scene in the movie they appear in. About the only good thing I can say about this goddamn abortion is that Terry Crews plays Terry Crews, and there's never anything wrong with that. Oh, and ever fucking guy in their team is named something either racist or fucking stupid. I apologize to anyone who likes to watch along with us. I'll try not to do it again.
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