So in an event unrelated to our normal cinemehtic experience, Brian and I watched Mad Max: Fury Road. I fucking love that movie. Don't get me wrong; Fury Road isn't in any way a cerebral film, but it is completely comfortable with that. Every shot, every costume, every line is designed to evoke the greatest amount of joyous badassitude in the audience.
I was nervous going into it, because the glut of nostalgia-exploitation is largely shameful and entirely disappointing, and too often "fun" action movies are just fucking meat-skulled, narcissistic masturbation. I was wrong, and I apologize. The primary antagonists are trying to be the bastard children of the psychos from Borderlands and straight up fucking vikings. They have a skald who's whole job is to hang from the front of a giant mobile stage and play sweet-ass riffs on his flamethrower/guitar, and its glorious. I have a warm and happy place in my heart for things that manage to pull off just being what they are. Pretension is too easy and "self-aware" becomes ham-fisted at great speed. So something like Fury Road that knows what it is and delivers precisely what it promises, is a light in the darkness. Watch this movie and let us know if you can think of any other things that are just perfectly honest about what they are, we don't get enough of that kind of thing.
Showing posts with label action movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label action movies. Show all posts
Monday, September 21, 2015
Friday, September 4, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
Welcome back to Weekly Cinemeh, this week our theme was Sylvester Stallone. The reasons for this is that Eshi got blue balls because while on his vacation last week he caught the first third of a Rambo movie so we decided to go action heavy with some Stallone movies. I am not a fan of Stallone personally, but I can see the appeal for some people, First Blood is amazing. We will get to that though, to the list!
1: Rocky
Rocky is a movie about a dumb guy who can punch OK becoming a dumb guy who can punch good. Well, really its a movie about needing to prove to oneself that they can "go the distance" by trying. its the classic underdog story. Its not a bad movie, but I think the pseudo religious following of Rocky as a "contender" is a little excessive. Rocky is a good fighter, and he knows his own limitations, which is grea. But he also gets a little rapey with a girl he likes and works for a "good guy" who is a loan shark. Taking Rocky as a hero might be a little much. I am not saying he's a bad guy, but he isn't perfect, though maybe that's the point. Maybe Rocky is just trying to be a better person and that's why people root for him. Stallone is competent in both his acting and writing and Carl Weathers has my love no matter what he does (Get yourself a stew going Mr.Weathers, you've earned it). Its a movie worth watching if only to see how it influenced our culture.
Eshi: I'd never seen Rocky before, and I'm pretty okay with not bothering to see it again. If I wanted to watch a mentally handicapped rapist get his ass beaten I'd watch Tyson V. Holyfield. Watching Rocky train is painful, for a lot of reasons. Everyone in the movie is shitty, with the exception of Adrian, who is just bad at things. The "love scene" is one of the most awkward, oppressive, disturbing lead ups to a "consensual" relationship I've ever seen in a movie. The fact that at no point does Rocky's conniving shit-eater of a friend get dumped unceremoniously in a river is unforgivable. Fuck this movie.
2: First Blood
Now, I want to get this out of the way, I think the ending for the novel this movie is based on is far superior, as well as the original ending for the movie. If you don't know Rambo dies in the end of both alternate endings, which fits the story much better in my opinion. Rambo living in the end doesn't ruin the movie, just makes it have less of an impact. This movie is about a Vietnam veteran who gets harassed by some small town cops who think he is a hobo trying to slum it in their town. When he gets arrested they treat him in a way that is reminiscent of a prison camp in Vietnam that Rambo was tortured in. This causes him to freak out and beat the shit out of a bunch of cops. The rest of the movie is Rambo running from the police and trying to escape the area. In the end it is revealed that he is a broken man who went through hell, and he is trying to cope with some terrible PTSD. This is a great movie as it shows the problem with war and turning people into trained killers and not having a support network for them when they return. Rambo doesn't have anyone to help him after he gets home, and only finds people that hate him. This has a very negative effect on him. Its a good movie that deserves to be watched. It has a good message and some great action.
Eshi: This movie betrayed me. Not because its bad, its actually really fucking good, but because it was because of First Blood that I suggested the rest of this fucking shitshow. That said, hell yes Rambo. Its compelling and explodey, Rambo is simultaneously powerfully empathetic and a complete, unrelenting bad ass. Brian Dennehy is always great and David Caruso manages to not fuck up a another movie single-handedly. I agree with Brian that the end is lacking in comparison but its pretty far from terrible.
3: The Expendables
Fuck this movie. This movie wastes most of its cast and instead of trying to make an action movie about a bunch of badasses, it ends up being a giant circle jerk with a bunch of people trying to out cool one another. I think that the dialog in this movie was made by taking a bunch of cool sounding lines and randomly inserting them into a generic script. Its disjointed and most of the time doesn't make any sense. This entire movie is just masturbation. Some of the action is good, but most of it is stuff we have seen before. When everyone in this movie is trying to look cool it all just becomes a disjointed and just bad.
Eshi: I tried on this one I really did. I could sum up this entire movie by pointing you to a scene where Bruce Willis straight up asks if Stallone and Schwarzenegger are going to suck each others dicks, to which they respond with three full seconds of knowing eye contact. I am not going to do that. I fully intend to pan this movie to the absolute limit of my patience. First of all, is Jet Li okay? Did something terrible happen? I'm not being a dick here, I'm legitimately worried about him after this fucking thing. He's better than this. Second, Jason Statham is both wasted and grossly over exposed. He's supposed to be like, a secondary protagonist? He doesn't really come off as an actual partner, but he gets waaaay too much screen time to just be support. Third, fuck Mickey Rourke. his characters fucking name is Tool, and it is the most honest thing about this movie. Steve Austin is as wooden and unpleasant as ever and Randy Couture exists apparently. Arnold and Bruce Willy are in the movie fore a combined five minutes, entirely encompassed by the one scene in the movie they appear in. About the only good thing I can say about this goddamn abortion is that Terry Crews plays Terry Crews, and there's never anything wrong with that. Oh, and ever fucking guy in their team is named something either racist or fucking stupid. I apologize to anyone who likes to watch along with us. I'll try not to do it again.
1: Rocky
Rocky is a movie about a dumb guy who can punch OK becoming a dumb guy who can punch good. Well, really its a movie about needing to prove to oneself that they can "go the distance" by trying. its the classic underdog story. Its not a bad movie, but I think the pseudo religious following of Rocky as a "contender" is a little excessive. Rocky is a good fighter, and he knows his own limitations, which is grea. But he also gets a little rapey with a girl he likes and works for a "good guy" who is a loan shark. Taking Rocky as a hero might be a little much. I am not saying he's a bad guy, but he isn't perfect, though maybe that's the point. Maybe Rocky is just trying to be a better person and that's why people root for him. Stallone is competent in both his acting and writing and Carl Weathers has my love no matter what he does (Get yourself a stew going Mr.Weathers, you've earned it). Its a movie worth watching if only to see how it influenced our culture.
Eshi: I'd never seen Rocky before, and I'm pretty okay with not bothering to see it again. If I wanted to watch a mentally handicapped rapist get his ass beaten I'd watch Tyson V. Holyfield. Watching Rocky train is painful, for a lot of reasons. Everyone in the movie is shitty, with the exception of Adrian, who is just bad at things. The "love scene" is one of the most awkward, oppressive, disturbing lead ups to a "consensual" relationship I've ever seen in a movie. The fact that at no point does Rocky's conniving shit-eater of a friend get dumped unceremoniously in a river is unforgivable. Fuck this movie.
2: First Blood
Now, I want to get this out of the way, I think the ending for the novel this movie is based on is far superior, as well as the original ending for the movie. If you don't know Rambo dies in the end of both alternate endings, which fits the story much better in my opinion. Rambo living in the end doesn't ruin the movie, just makes it have less of an impact. This movie is about a Vietnam veteran who gets harassed by some small town cops who think he is a hobo trying to slum it in their town. When he gets arrested they treat him in a way that is reminiscent of a prison camp in Vietnam that Rambo was tortured in. This causes him to freak out and beat the shit out of a bunch of cops. The rest of the movie is Rambo running from the police and trying to escape the area. In the end it is revealed that he is a broken man who went through hell, and he is trying to cope with some terrible PTSD. This is a great movie as it shows the problem with war and turning people into trained killers and not having a support network for them when they return. Rambo doesn't have anyone to help him after he gets home, and only finds people that hate him. This has a very negative effect on him. Its a good movie that deserves to be watched. It has a good message and some great action.
Eshi: This movie betrayed me. Not because its bad, its actually really fucking good, but because it was because of First Blood that I suggested the rest of this fucking shitshow. That said, hell yes Rambo. Its compelling and explodey, Rambo is simultaneously powerfully empathetic and a complete, unrelenting bad ass. Brian Dennehy is always great and David Caruso manages to not fuck up a another movie single-handedly. I agree with Brian that the end is lacking in comparison but its pretty far from terrible.
3: The Expendables
Fuck this movie. This movie wastes most of its cast and instead of trying to make an action movie about a bunch of badasses, it ends up being a giant circle jerk with a bunch of people trying to out cool one another. I think that the dialog in this movie was made by taking a bunch of cool sounding lines and randomly inserting them into a generic script. Its disjointed and most of the time doesn't make any sense. This entire movie is just masturbation. Some of the action is good, but most of it is stuff we have seen before. When everyone in this movie is trying to look cool it all just becomes a disjointed and just bad.
Eshi: I tried on this one I really did. I could sum up this entire movie by pointing you to a scene where Bruce Willis straight up asks if Stallone and Schwarzenegger are going to suck each others dicks, to which they respond with three full seconds of knowing eye contact. I am not going to do that. I fully intend to pan this movie to the absolute limit of my patience. First of all, is Jet Li okay? Did something terrible happen? I'm not being a dick here, I'm legitimately worried about him after this fucking thing. He's better than this. Second, Jason Statham is both wasted and grossly over exposed. He's supposed to be like, a secondary protagonist? He doesn't really come off as an actual partner, but he gets waaaay too much screen time to just be support. Third, fuck Mickey Rourke. his characters fucking name is Tool, and it is the most honest thing about this movie. Steve Austin is as wooden and unpleasant as ever and Randy Couture exists apparently. Arnold and Bruce Willy are in the movie fore a combined five minutes, entirely encompassed by the one scene in the movie they appear in. About the only good thing I can say about this goddamn abortion is that Terry Crews plays Terry Crews, and there's never anything wrong with that. Oh, and ever fucking guy in their team is named something either racist or fucking stupid. I apologize to anyone who likes to watch along with us. I'll try not to do it again.
Friday, April 10, 2015
Weekly Cinemeh
This week we decided to go in a less serious route (its not like we are particularly serious to begin with) and watch some action movies. I will admit to liking the occasional action movie, though they tend to be middle of the road to just terrible. Every once in a while you get movies that are essentially perfect movie: They hit all the right notes for what they are supposed to be (Yippee-Kay Yay motherfuckers).
1: White House Down
This was my second time seeing this movie (we try to do movies that one or both of us have never seen) and I have been pushing it on Eshi for a while. Why? Because this is a Die Hard movie without the title. I heard that before watching it and I thought "really? One of two movies that came out within spitting distance of each other about people blowing up the white house was good?" It looked like a shitty action movie, but when curiosity caught up to me I had to watch it. I mean come on, it was compared to one of my favorite movies, it might actually be good. Here is the shocker: This movie is great fun. It scratches all the itches that Die Hard did (the first one and maybe the third one) and is a very entertaining movie. Its not a perfect movie, some of the green-screening is kinda bad (seriously every outdoors shot is green screened poorly), and it can get a little flag-wavy(literally at one point) what with it being about the white house, and some of the plot points are slightly insane. Its reasonably well acted and the rapport between Channing Tatum and Jammie Fox was good. If you are looking for a fun time, this is a good movie for it.
Eshi: I was hesitant about this movie partly because, as Brian mentioned, it looked a lot like the sibling to Olympus Has Fallen which looked like hot sick wrapped in Gerard Butler. Having watched it, I feel myself reconsidering my moratorium on Chan Tates. Spiffy explosions, some fun lines, and some pretty solid chemistry. Oh, and it is entirely a Die Hard movie, like a real one... not like #4. Jesus Bruce, we all love you here and we want what is best for you, learn to say no. Anyway... yeah its good, watch this one.
2: The Peacemaker
Spoilers ahead. This movie was odd. I like the actors (George Clooney and Nicole Kidman) and some of the action was exciting and well done, but the plot ignores something that would have solved the whole situation: better police-work. When the bad guy might be in a building, leave people at the fucking exits, don't just traipse up to his room with all your men. When the bad guy is flying in don't let people leave the airport until you can confirm that they don't have a nuke on them, even if they are diplomats. I am sure that they would understand being held up if it meant not being exploded. This is slightly unfair because the movie isn't bad per-Se, just kinda middle of the road. The main idea behind the plot was cool, and I genuinely thought that the bad guy's motivation and plan had potential to be a cool moral turn around (maybe I shouldn't kill a bunch on innocent people to get revenge for innocent people being killed). Even though it didn't go in that direction it was still a fun movie. If you just want to see George Clooney kill a bunch of bad guys, watch The American instead.
Eshi: I dig George Clooney. I like Nicole Kidman. They do not play well together. The action in this movie was pretty balls-out, but the characterization was... I'm going to say unfortunate. The antagonist fell into kind of a weird uncanny valley of sympathy, like I get why he's all fucked up, I appreciate his rage, but he's pretty fucking stupid for such a blatant stereotype of academia. There was almost no chemistry in the movie and the plot falls on its face like a drunken hobo being repeatedly tazed. This movie was unworthy.
3: Hard Boiled
Watching a John Woo action movie is like watching a kung fu movie with guns. There is a lot of emphasis on movement and scenes being highly mobile, flowing from one room to the next as the action continues to accelerate. This is a movie about two cops, one undercover, the other not, taking on a gun running ring out of Hong Kong. Chow Yun-Fat is a great actor and it was fun watching him slide around on the floor and fire two guns (also whilst leaping though the air). There are some truly epic fight scenes in this movie, and was a super fun to watch. If you haven't seen a John Woo movie, this is an excellent place to start.
Eshi: I had a gunfight erection ten minutes after the start of this movie. People give John Woo a lot of shit for his style but really, the man is a goddamn artist. The action, despite everyone having an infinite ammo cheat, was fucking spectacular, the camera work was goddamn intimate, and the story was just insane enough to be delightful. There was a kinda weird undertone of literally everyone seeming like they wanted to suck Tony Leung's dick, but it starts to seem pretty natural after about 45 minutes. He's a very pretty man is what I'm getting at. So, fuck yeah watch this movie.
1: White House Down
This was my second time seeing this movie (we try to do movies that one or both of us have never seen) and I have been pushing it on Eshi for a while. Why? Because this is a Die Hard movie without the title. I heard that before watching it and I thought "really? One of two movies that came out within spitting distance of each other about people blowing up the white house was good?" It looked like a shitty action movie, but when curiosity caught up to me I had to watch it. I mean come on, it was compared to one of my favorite movies, it might actually be good. Here is the shocker: This movie is great fun. It scratches all the itches that Die Hard did (the first one and maybe the third one) and is a very entertaining movie. Its not a perfect movie, some of the green-screening is kinda bad (seriously every outdoors shot is green screened poorly), and it can get a little flag-wavy(literally at one point) what with it being about the white house, and some of the plot points are slightly insane. Its reasonably well acted and the rapport between Channing Tatum and Jammie Fox was good. If you are looking for a fun time, this is a good movie for it.
Eshi: I was hesitant about this movie partly because, as Brian mentioned, it looked a lot like the sibling to Olympus Has Fallen which looked like hot sick wrapped in Gerard Butler. Having watched it, I feel myself reconsidering my moratorium on Chan Tates. Spiffy explosions, some fun lines, and some pretty solid chemistry. Oh, and it is entirely a Die Hard movie, like a real one... not like #4. Jesus Bruce, we all love you here and we want what is best for you, learn to say no. Anyway... yeah its good, watch this one.
2: The Peacemaker
Spoilers ahead. This movie was odd. I like the actors (George Clooney and Nicole Kidman) and some of the action was exciting and well done, but the plot ignores something that would have solved the whole situation: better police-work. When the bad guy might be in a building, leave people at the fucking exits, don't just traipse up to his room with all your men. When the bad guy is flying in don't let people leave the airport until you can confirm that they don't have a nuke on them, even if they are diplomats. I am sure that they would understand being held up if it meant not being exploded. This is slightly unfair because the movie isn't bad per-Se, just kinda middle of the road. The main idea behind the plot was cool, and I genuinely thought that the bad guy's motivation and plan had potential to be a cool moral turn around (maybe I shouldn't kill a bunch on innocent people to get revenge for innocent people being killed). Even though it didn't go in that direction it was still a fun movie. If you just want to see George Clooney kill a bunch of bad guys, watch The American instead.
Eshi: I dig George Clooney. I like Nicole Kidman. They do not play well together. The action in this movie was pretty balls-out, but the characterization was... I'm going to say unfortunate. The antagonist fell into kind of a weird uncanny valley of sympathy, like I get why he's all fucked up, I appreciate his rage, but he's pretty fucking stupid for such a blatant stereotype of academia. There was almost no chemistry in the movie and the plot falls on its face like a drunken hobo being repeatedly tazed. This movie was unworthy.
3: Hard Boiled
Watching a John Woo action movie is like watching a kung fu movie with guns. There is a lot of emphasis on movement and scenes being highly mobile, flowing from one room to the next as the action continues to accelerate. This is a movie about two cops, one undercover, the other not, taking on a gun running ring out of Hong Kong. Chow Yun-Fat is a great actor and it was fun watching him slide around on the floor and fire two guns (also whilst leaping though the air). There are some truly epic fight scenes in this movie, and was a super fun to watch. If you haven't seen a John Woo movie, this is an excellent place to start.
Eshi: I had a gunfight erection ten minutes after the start of this movie. People give John Woo a lot of shit for his style but really, the man is a goddamn artist. The action, despite everyone having an infinite ammo cheat, was fucking spectacular, the camera work was goddamn intimate, and the story was just insane enough to be delightful. There was a kinda weird undertone of literally everyone seeming like they wanted to suck Tony Leung's dick, but it starts to seem pretty natural after about 45 minutes. He's a very pretty man is what I'm getting at. So, fuck yeah watch this movie.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)