I'm kinda tired of the way people treat the idea of child birth. Parenthood in general, really. I appreciate that some people need to breed, carry on the species or whatever. But, its a hugely preventable fucking nuisance. If you want kids, fine have kids. Have kids that you're financially, emotionally, and biologically prepared to have. If you don't meet those criteria there are plenty of ways to avoid being host to a vicious parasite that will someday turn into a person that your unready ass probably fucked up. I'm not saying the unprepared or unwilling can't cobble together a reasonable facsimile of a person, hell I manage to walk on two legs and use full sentences most of the time and my parents were seventeen and surprised. But its mighty fucking difficult to create a life that isn't broken, even without starting at a deficit.
Children are not a blessing, they are an enormous burden with the potential for a high emotional payout. Having a child isn't just the (still preventable) consequence of an action; its inflicting the consequences of that action on the whole fucking world until entropy takes its course and someone has a tragedy. If you did well, and got lucky, that child will probably at least not make anyone really unhappy, they might even make some people happy. But if you fuck them up, if the wrong kind of accident happens, if you don't have your shit together, or fuck forbid you get unlucky, chances are that every life the life you created touches will be hurt. Fucking up a kid doesn't just fuck up the kid, every shitty kid makes the world a worse place and every shitty parent is responsible for it. Not just the evil ones, the abusers and neglectful. The smug cunts that show their children that its okay to be an entitled piece of shit, the emotionally distant workaholics, the passive-aggressive shitfuck who tries to live vicariously through their six year old. They make fucked up people, and those people fuck up other people.
We have to stop treating the creation of a fucking life like its just a thing that happens and isn't one of the most complex, daunting, and far reaching (wholly fucking optional) tasks a person can possibly undertake in their life. We need to stop just letting shitty people inflict their shitty kids on the rest of us and then acting like it was unavoidable, and parents need to stop acting like its their right to inflict their shitty kids on us because they can't manage their ejaculate responsibly.
Showing posts with label anti shitty behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anti shitty behavior. Show all posts
Monday, February 1, 2016
Monday, October 19, 2015
Fuck That Guy
So, its been pointed out to me that since two of my Rules are dedicated to the idea of That Guy (and the rest can at least also apply to That Guy situations) I should probably make an attempt to clarify the term. In the original post I linked to Shane from the Walking Dead, I did this because Shane exhibits every single That Guy behavior right up until he gets his proper That Guy comeuppance. Not every TG is going to be as bad as Shane and hell, a good many of them will be significantly less fictional, so its important to note the signs. Unfortunately, the nastiest indicator of this tragic condition isn't apparent until its too late, That Guy is prone to casual betrayal.
The betrayal will always be something more major than you would have thought them capable of, it will always be a surprise (at least to you) and it will always be something you could have seen coming if you were paying attention. Meaningful looks when they think you aren't looking, occasional spikes in passive aggressive behavior in regard to a specific thing, that sort of thing. When the hurt does finally come it will be accompanied by either an attempt to shift blame or play the "you would have done the same" card. Eddie Norton in The Italian Job is a great example of the latter. I know I use a lot of cinematic references, but the real people send me into a rage spiral so fiction it is. After whatever bullshit justification That Guy attempts there will usually be some conciliatory effort or apology as That Guy seeks to avoid the alienation that would deprive them of their resources, i.e. you. This is usually the point at which to abscond with whatever you have left or kill the fucker (in an appropriately dire apocalyptic scenario).
If you'd like to spot TG before they fuck up your shit, there is an earlier indicator; negotiation. Specifically, TG doesn't. Everything is either a straight up acquiescence or petulant insistence on their own way. I'm not talking about your friend who doesn't care where you go out to dinner, just as long as it isn't any one of a dozen places they don't like. I'm talking about your "friend" who decides you are all going out to that Ethiopian place and then gets pissy when someone asks about going somewhere else.
There's more to it than this, because of course there is; people are complex, but these are the big ones. Now, I don't want it to seem like I'm speaking from atop an ivory tower or anything here. I don't come by my loathing of this sort of person artificially, I am one. I know how fucking terrible That Guy is because I spent most of my life fucking over the people around me for fun and profit, until I started getting fucked over by the people around me. It took a while, but eventually I worked out what the shape of the problem was and took my own advice. I cut ties with that part of myself. As much as possible anyway. I'm proof that That Guy can change his ways, I hope, but don't ever doubt for a moment that the first step to changing is admitting to yourself how wrong you are, and That Guy is allergic to change and terrified of being wrong.
The betrayal will always be something more major than you would have thought them capable of, it will always be a surprise (at least to you) and it will always be something you could have seen coming if you were paying attention. Meaningful looks when they think you aren't looking, occasional spikes in passive aggressive behavior in regard to a specific thing, that sort of thing. When the hurt does finally come it will be accompanied by either an attempt to shift blame or play the "you would have done the same" card. Eddie Norton in The Italian Job is a great example of the latter. I know I use a lot of cinematic references, but the real people send me into a rage spiral so fiction it is. After whatever bullshit justification That Guy attempts there will usually be some conciliatory effort or apology as That Guy seeks to avoid the alienation that would deprive them of their resources, i.e. you. This is usually the point at which to abscond with whatever you have left or kill the fucker (in an appropriately dire apocalyptic scenario).
If you'd like to spot TG before they fuck up your shit, there is an earlier indicator; negotiation. Specifically, TG doesn't. Everything is either a straight up acquiescence or petulant insistence on their own way. I'm not talking about your friend who doesn't care where you go out to dinner, just as long as it isn't any one of a dozen places they don't like. I'm talking about your "friend" who decides you are all going out to that Ethiopian place and then gets pissy when someone asks about going somewhere else.
There's more to it than this, because of course there is; people are complex, but these are the big ones. Now, I don't want it to seem like I'm speaking from atop an ivory tower or anything here. I don't come by my loathing of this sort of person artificially, I am one. I know how fucking terrible That Guy is because I spent most of my life fucking over the people around me for fun and profit, until I started getting fucked over by the people around me. It took a while, but eventually I worked out what the shape of the problem was and took my own advice. I cut ties with that part of myself. As much as possible anyway. I'm proof that That Guy can change his ways, I hope, but don't ever doubt for a moment that the first step to changing is admitting to yourself how wrong you are, and That Guy is allergic to change and terrified of being wrong.
Monday, August 31, 2015
We Can't Get Ahead if We Keep Stepping on Each Other's Necks
I swear I'm not dead. The last couple of weeks have just been weird, I'm back now. So I'm going to celebrate my return by beating a dead horse. It was brought to my attention over my little sabbatical how fucking badly our society handles the gender discussion. We're not even bothering with the basics in this one; if the general tenor of modern gender politics eludes you this post can wait for you to get educated, or you could not read this one. I truly wouldn't blame you at this point. No, today we're talking about why the whole conversation is probably fucked.
The first major stumbling block in the conversation about gender has nothing to do with anything even remotely involving what bits everyone has or how they feel about them. When people start talking about bad shit that happened to them a certain percentage of the population seem to compete for biggest victim. That percentage is close enough to 100 that we could probably just call it everybody. Not everybody all the time, but everybody has had that day. When someone brings up their troubles and you just can't help but share your own, for whatever reason. Now, sometimes this is an ego thing, sometimes its an attempt to make a connection, sometimes its just the bad shit version of sitting around trading stories. Unfortunately, they all look alike from the outside and we're hardwired to assume the first. So by contributing your story, regardless of intent, its assumed you're either trying to spotlight or out-victim the other party. Add in the fact that you can't really talk your way out of that assumption without making it worse and the conversation starts to look pretty bleak.
The second hurdle here is essentially that men exist. Not because we're evil or stupid or exceptionally privileged or whatever, but because men are both the oppressors and fellow oppressed. "The Patriarchy" is the go to villain of the gender debate, and to some extent rightfully so since the practices established by several historically insular groups of sociopathic, shitsouled douchebags oppressed a planet for pretty much all of history. Pretty much everyone acknowledges that men are also damaged by gender stereotypes; emotional abuse, disregarding male victimization in rape and assault cases etc. However, men have a precarious place in discussing gender issues, partially because some people shit the bed for the rest of us, but also partially because of the ease with which criticism can be interpreted as the aforementioned bed-shitting. A man talking about feminism tends to come off as a misogynist, a parrot, or a "man-splainer", which really limits our viable roles in the conversation.
There is no monolith in this story, feminism isn't made up of one egalitarian philosophy made into a movement, the patriarchy isn't the endless ranks of white men hellbent on destroying all they survey, and believing that we should have fair treatment regardless of circumstance doesn't make you part of any group. If it did this probably wouldn't be a problem anymore. Its easy to point to a system and blame it on those most benefited, logical even. But doing so ignores every unwitting contributor, every asshole willing to fuck themselves over to keep someone else from succeeding, everyone who has let things get worse instead of trying to do better. Sadly, the systems of oppression we toil under are ancient and vast machines, built by every act of shitty self-promotion, cruelty, selfish ambition, and hostile competition in history. We're all guilty, and its not enough to tear down the system, we need to make something better or we'll just end up here again.
The first major stumbling block in the conversation about gender has nothing to do with anything even remotely involving what bits everyone has or how they feel about them. When people start talking about bad shit that happened to them a certain percentage of the population seem to compete for biggest victim. That percentage is close enough to 100 that we could probably just call it everybody. Not everybody all the time, but everybody has had that day. When someone brings up their troubles and you just can't help but share your own, for whatever reason. Now, sometimes this is an ego thing, sometimes its an attempt to make a connection, sometimes its just the bad shit version of sitting around trading stories. Unfortunately, they all look alike from the outside and we're hardwired to assume the first. So by contributing your story, regardless of intent, its assumed you're either trying to spotlight or out-victim the other party. Add in the fact that you can't really talk your way out of that assumption without making it worse and the conversation starts to look pretty bleak.
The second hurdle here is essentially that men exist. Not because we're evil or stupid or exceptionally privileged or whatever, but because men are both the oppressors and fellow oppressed. "The Patriarchy" is the go to villain of the gender debate, and to some extent rightfully so since the practices established by several historically insular groups of sociopathic, shitsouled douchebags oppressed a planet for pretty much all of history. Pretty much everyone acknowledges that men are also damaged by gender stereotypes; emotional abuse, disregarding male victimization in rape and assault cases etc. However, men have a precarious place in discussing gender issues, partially because some people shit the bed for the rest of us, but also partially because of the ease with which criticism can be interpreted as the aforementioned bed-shitting. A man talking about feminism tends to come off as a misogynist, a parrot, or a "man-splainer", which really limits our viable roles in the conversation.
There is no monolith in this story, feminism isn't made up of one egalitarian philosophy made into a movement, the patriarchy isn't the endless ranks of white men hellbent on destroying all they survey, and believing that we should have fair treatment regardless of circumstance doesn't make you part of any group. If it did this probably wouldn't be a problem anymore. Its easy to point to a system and blame it on those most benefited, logical even. But doing so ignores every unwitting contributor, every asshole willing to fuck themselves over to keep someone else from succeeding, everyone who has let things get worse instead of trying to do better. Sadly, the systems of oppression we toil under are ancient and vast machines, built by every act of shitty self-promotion, cruelty, selfish ambition, and hostile competition in history. We're all guilty, and its not enough to tear down the system, we need to make something better or we'll just end up here again.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Sick Post Bro
I am feeling kind of shitty, so this post is going to be almost non existent. I have been feeling a little depressed lately. I have seen a lot of news about people killing one another, police being assholes, people in general being ass holes, stuff like that. I am sure many of our readers have seen much of the same news about, and I thought we could all use some cheering up. E.B. White (the man who wrote Charlotte's Web and Stuart Little and was a big contributor to the New Yorker) once got a letter from a man who lost faith in humanity. His response is great.
Dear Mr. Nadeau:
As long as there is one upright man, as long as there is one compassionate woman, the contagion may spread and the scene is not desolate. Hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time. I shall get up Sunday morning and wind the clock, as a contribution to order and steadfastness.
Sailors have an expression about the weather: they say, the weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society — things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed, sometimes rather suddenly. It is quite obvious that the human race has made a queer mess of life on this planet. But as a people we probably harbor seeds of goodness that have lain for a long time waiting to sprout when the conditions are right. Man’s curiosity, his relentlessness, his inventiveness, his ingenuity have led him into deep trouble. We can only hope that these same traits will enable him to claw his way out.
Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope. And wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day.
Sincerely,
E. B. White
This made me feel better about things, at least a little bit, and I hope that it may help, in some small way, the few people who real this blog.
(quote source)
Dear Mr. Nadeau:
As long as there is one upright man, as long as there is one compassionate woman, the contagion may spread and the scene is not desolate. Hope is the thing that is left to us, in a bad time. I shall get up Sunday morning and wind the clock, as a contribution to order and steadfastness.
Sailors have an expression about the weather: they say, the weather is a great bluffer. I guess the same is true of our human society — things can look dark, then a break shows in the clouds, and all is changed, sometimes rather suddenly. It is quite obvious that the human race has made a queer mess of life on this planet. But as a people we probably harbor seeds of goodness that have lain for a long time waiting to sprout when the conditions are right. Man’s curiosity, his relentlessness, his inventiveness, his ingenuity have led him into deep trouble. We can only hope that these same traits will enable him to claw his way out.
Hang on to your hat. Hang on to your hope. And wind the clock, for tomorrow is another day.
Sincerely,
E. B. White
This made me feel better about things, at least a little bit, and I hope that it may help, in some small way, the few people who real this blog.
(quote source)
Monday, August 10, 2015
Rabble Rabble Rabble
So I've been having a hard time landing on topics to write about lately. At least partly because, like the German baby, I don't have much to say when things are acceptable. I mean yeah the world is on fire and the idea of justice is more of a novel hypothetical then a social imperative; but my shit is going pretty alright. Which is kind of an interesting phenomena, I care that bad things are going on in the world, and I'm still all about fixing those problems, it just isn't something I feel the need to get all frothy about anymore.
I don't see the point in getting outraged because outrage is a worthless commodity these days. We all know about, if not acknowledge, the big problems that we face as a species. There is no point in spreading awareness. I would rather enjoy the opportunity to help people where I can than stress out about all the people being predictably disappointing. And since so much of what I do is either pop culture (which I'm way behind on) or social ills you can see how I might have hit a dry spot. I'm going to try to do more YKWFA in the coming months as I exercise my developing giveafuck gland. Meanwhile Brian is still holding strong as ever and Weekly Cinemeh is on the docket for the foreseeable future.
I don't see the point in getting outraged because outrage is a worthless commodity these days. We all know about, if not acknowledge, the big problems that we face as a species. There is no point in spreading awareness. I would rather enjoy the opportunity to help people where I can than stress out about all the people being predictably disappointing. And since so much of what I do is either pop culture (which I'm way behind on) or social ills you can see how I might have hit a dry spot. I'm going to try to do more YKWFA in the coming months as I exercise my developing giveafuck gland. Meanwhile Brian is still holding strong as ever and Weekly Cinemeh is on the docket for the foreseeable future.
Monday, August 3, 2015
The Trouble With Overactive Reflexes
I've been thinking about the idea of reflexive responses lately, and I've come to a conclusion. Fuck that shit. Every time you say "I'm fine" and you're not its just easier than the conversation, you have failed a little as a human being. Now, I get how that can be off-putting but hear me out.
First, let's clarify some terminology. When I say reflexive response I'm referring to any time someone shortcuts a conversation without thinking about it. If somebody asks if you're okay and you don't want them to know, don't say you're fine or okay or whatever. Fine and okay are great if everything if fine or okay, but if they aren't you're fucking lying outright. If you don't want to talk about something at the very least think of why you don't want to talk to them and consider if that makes you a shit-spigot or not. I'm being pretty specific here but only because I think "I'm fine" is probably the worst offender on this front. We should never aspire to circumvent communication, if for no better reason than no one can do anything if they don't know what's going on. Problems can't be solved and joy can't be shared if we don't talk about it. If you don't want your joy shared you're a dick and if you don't want your problems solved you need to get your shit sorted out.
The worst part about it is we've all done it, hell most of us have probably done it today. It's so much easier to just brush off a discussion with placation than it is to have it that we don't even fucking think about it. We don't even give people the option to get involved and we don't give ourselves the chance to let go of shit. Honest and genuine communication is one of the most important pillars of society and we've turned our backs on it because we let ourselves be embarrassed about stupid shit. Next time someone asks you something I you respond without thinking, stop and consider what you're actually saying by not saying anything of content.
First, let's clarify some terminology. When I say reflexive response I'm referring to any time someone shortcuts a conversation without thinking about it. If somebody asks if you're okay and you don't want them to know, don't say you're fine or okay or whatever. Fine and okay are great if everything if fine or okay, but if they aren't you're fucking lying outright. If you don't want to talk about something at the very least think of why you don't want to talk to them and consider if that makes you a shit-spigot or not. I'm being pretty specific here but only because I think "I'm fine" is probably the worst offender on this front. We should never aspire to circumvent communication, if for no better reason than no one can do anything if they don't know what's going on. Problems can't be solved and joy can't be shared if we don't talk about it. If you don't want your joy shared you're a dick and if you don't want your problems solved you need to get your shit sorted out.
The worst part about it is we've all done it, hell most of us have probably done it today. It's so much easier to just brush off a discussion with placation than it is to have it that we don't even fucking think about it. We don't even give people the option to get involved and we don't give ourselves the chance to let go of shit. Honest and genuine communication is one of the most important pillars of society and we've turned our backs on it because we let ourselves be embarrassed about stupid shit. Next time someone asks you something I you respond without thinking, stop and consider what you're actually saying by not saying anything of content.
Monday, April 20, 2015
The Rules
I've been thinking a lot lately about practical morality. I know normally I'm more an ethics guy, and I stand by my prioritizing ethics over morality. But the rules people live by are important and I think we can all benefit from discussing them. So here are mine, this list can and probably will grow as shit happens and points are inevitably made. Feel free to comment with your list or rules you find important that you think I missed. (Disclaimer: These rules are discussed in a metaphorical tone, Kinda Whatevs does not condone or support the doing of harm (no matter how appropriate) to people (no matter how deserving). Neither Kinda Whatevs or its representatives espouse the breaking of laws or the destructive flouting of social conventions.)
1. Confirm Your Kill: This rule is just as true of violence as it is of chores. If you start something, don't just finish it, make fucking sure its done. Any number of problems is prevented by just making sure that the task you set out to do really is a done deal. This particular rule grows from the old "anything worth doing is worth doing well" maxim, only focused more directly on the solving of problems.
2. Be a Person: I've always found it vitally important to define personhood. Even more so for the individual than for society. A civilization has to on some level acquiesce to the least possible definition of personhood but I feel like one should hold themselves to a higher standard than the bare minimum of what society can call a person. In that vein, I think everyone should at some point sit down and define for themselves what it means to be a person, not just a human. You don't have to (and shouldn't) enforce this definition on others, but you should absolutely ensure that you live up to it... and probably avoid people who fall short of your definition to avoid the inevitable preventable conflict.
3. Don't Be That Guy: We all know That Guy. Sex, gender, creed, color, there is no category of human designation that is immune to That Guy. That Guy can come from anywhere, be anyone, but they are always a dick, they're Machiavellian, they're shitty, they lack loyalty, compassion and any sense of comradery. Fuck That Guy, its not even enough to not be That Guy, you should do everything you can to not seem like That Guy just to avoid confusion, at least partially because of Rule 4.
4. Kill That Guy: You probably don't have to actually kill this fucker, but definitely cut them out of your life. Nothing good ever comes from dealing with That Guy. Ever. Avoid whenever possible and do whatever you can be comfortable with to keep them out of your shit.
5. We Kill Monsters: Evil prevails because the Good fail to act or whatever. If you see someone being hurt and you do nothing then you are culpable. Not as fully as the one doing harm, but if you can do something and you don't then fuck you, you fail at society. Once again, you don't have to hurt anybody, but we have a responsibility as members of a society to help each other, that is the entire reason behind civilization.
1. Confirm Your Kill: This rule is just as true of violence as it is of chores. If you start something, don't just finish it, make fucking sure its done. Any number of problems is prevented by just making sure that the task you set out to do really is a done deal. This particular rule grows from the old "anything worth doing is worth doing well" maxim, only focused more directly on the solving of problems.
2. Be a Person: I've always found it vitally important to define personhood. Even more so for the individual than for society. A civilization has to on some level acquiesce to the least possible definition of personhood but I feel like one should hold themselves to a higher standard than the bare minimum of what society can call a person. In that vein, I think everyone should at some point sit down and define for themselves what it means to be a person, not just a human. You don't have to (and shouldn't) enforce this definition on others, but you should absolutely ensure that you live up to it... and probably avoid people who fall short of your definition to avoid the inevitable preventable conflict.
3. Don't Be That Guy: We all know That Guy. Sex, gender, creed, color, there is no category of human designation that is immune to That Guy. That Guy can come from anywhere, be anyone, but they are always a dick, they're Machiavellian, they're shitty, they lack loyalty, compassion and any sense of comradery. Fuck That Guy, its not even enough to not be That Guy, you should do everything you can to not seem like That Guy just to avoid confusion, at least partially because of Rule 4.
4. Kill That Guy: You probably don't have to actually kill this fucker, but definitely cut them out of your life. Nothing good ever comes from dealing with That Guy. Ever. Avoid whenever possible and do whatever you can be comfortable with to keep them out of your shit.
5. We Kill Monsters: Evil prevails because the Good fail to act or whatever. If you see someone being hurt and you do nothing then you are culpable. Not as fully as the one doing harm, but if you can do something and you don't then fuck you, you fail at society. Once again, you don't have to hurt anybody, but we have a responsibility as members of a society to help each other, that is the entire reason behind civilization.
Friday, December 26, 2014
See, Gamers Don't HAVE to be Jerks
We have talked about fans on this blog before. I once mentioned that the worst thing about some franchises is the fans that surround them. I was being hyperbolic when I talked about that. Not all fans are bad. Yesterday is a great example of this. Yesterday a bunch of people in the Pokemon community got together and did something nice for new players. In the latest generation of games there is a tool known as "wonder trade" where you can upload a pokemon and trade it for a random pokemon. On Christmas this year a bunch of people started uploading starter pokemon and other rare/nifty pokemon to give the newbies something cool as a Christmas gift when they start their adventures in Honnen. This is a bunch of players going out of their way to be nice to people just starting out.
I have been playing Pokemon since it came out in 1996. I was the perfect age for the target market back then, 10. It was not my first RPG type game, I played a lot of Final Fantasy VI and Final Fantasy Adventure (which was actually a Dragon Quest game) when I was a kid, but it was my first experience with a game that gave me a ton of control over my party. I got to choose from an impressive list of characters for my party, I could name them, and was forced to think about how to set up a party that would cover all of my bases so I wouldn't get caught unawares. I know what some of you are thinking, "you had to do all of that in Final Fantasy VI too" but FFVI's had a lot less customizability and the story was a little over my head as a stupid ten year old (such as genocide being a thing. Also an implied tentacle rape from one of tho bosses in the opera house scene) I bought Pokemon Red because there was a dragon on the games case and I have always thought dragons were cool (NEEEEEEEEEERRRRRD) and fell instantly in love.They are solid games, despite the dubious premise, and its great to see the community coming together to do something not shitty.
Fans helping new people fall in love with a good game is a great cause. Being nice is something that a disturbingly large amount gamers have a lot of trouble with, so its good to see a bunch of people get together and help kids feel good about a game. Especially in the face of general crappy behavior yesterday too.
I have been playing Pokemon since it came out in 1996. I was the perfect age for the target market back then, 10. It was not my first RPG type game, I played a lot of Final Fantasy VI and Final Fantasy Adventure (which was actually a Dragon Quest game) when I was a kid, but it was my first experience with a game that gave me a ton of control over my party. I got to choose from an impressive list of characters for my party, I could name them, and was forced to think about how to set up a party that would cover all of my bases so I wouldn't get caught unawares. I know what some of you are thinking, "you had to do all of that in Final Fantasy VI too" but FFVI's had a lot less customizability and the story was a little over my head as a stupid ten year old (such as genocide being a thing. Also an implied tentacle rape from one of tho bosses in the opera house scene) I bought Pokemon Red because there was a dragon on the games case and I have always thought dragons were cool (NEEEEEEEEEERRRRRD) and fell instantly in love.They are solid games, despite the dubious premise, and its great to see the community coming together to do something not shitty.
Fans helping new people fall in love with a good game is a great cause. Being nice is something that a disturbingly large amount gamers have a lot of trouble with, so its good to see a bunch of people get together and help kids feel good about a game. Especially in the face of general crappy behavior yesterday too.
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