Decency Isn't Genetic

Brian and I don't really talk much about family on here. Sure there's the occasional dig at the filthy, manipulative cunt-basket that my wife clawed herself out of in infancy. And every once in a while I'll write an unintelligible screed about the poor fucks who don't understand about genitals. But actual discussion of family is pretty limited. Now, this is partially because, with the noted exception of my father, we've all pretty much cut ties with our families. I'm not going to talk about the reasons for that, less because it isn't any of your fucking business what kind of shitty people spawned us and more because it would be an almost tragically short post. Instead, I going to talk about the other reason we don't talk about it much. Those people aren't really family.

I'm not talking about some kind of cultish, "We're your family now; here's your 'punch'", kinda thing. I do legitimately value the concept of family, a group of people upon whom you are supposed to be able to intrinsically rely, I just feel like that structure is entirely too important to be left to the capriciousness of fate. In my experience the people who share your blood are more likely to be the people to fuck you over hardest, both because they have the access and because you're less likely to be truly prepared for it. The worst bit is that most of the time the "family" that ruins you doesn't even understand the damage they've done. Because being betrayed or used by blood isn't just your casual exploitation, its your framework for society. If you can't trust your relatives then what chance does some fucking stranger have? No, fuck that. We all need a support network and sharing a sexually viable ancestor at whatever point in history is presently convenient is an insufficient metric by which to organize.

Beyond that is the question of affection. If I'm going to trust someone enough to turn to them in my time of strife I'd really rather actually like that person. I make it a policy not to go out of my way to deal with people I don't enjoy in general, and that goes double for people I'm related to. Life is too short and too unpredictable to devote time and effort to maintaining relationships with people you don't like.

I recently had a transaction with a man I've met fewer times than I have fingers who was my mother's brother. I'm ambivalent about him, but I dislike his SO in a fashion so natural and effortless that it would literally take me more effort to not give a fuck. He was gobstruck that not only is this an acceptable standpoint to me (me! this man he'd met a few times years ago, the scandal of it), but that I didn't feel as though it should have a meaningful effect on either of our lives. We hadn't spoken to each other in years and had never shared an experience more significant than eating in the same building, if it wasn't for the fact that the alcoholic racist that raised him also raised one of the people who raised me I wouldn't even be expected to remember his name. Much less give a fuck about his wife.

We've chosen, instead of all that bullshit, to be adults and make the hard choices. To decide who to care about and to make the effort to nourish those relationships to the point where those people aren't just worthy of the trust we're putting in them, they extend the same trust in return. There might not be as many of us, but we love each other. Not because of what some relative strangers did to each other before we existed, but because we found people who we wanted to share that with.

Blame Society

Lately I've been feeling like a man divided. On one hand, as regular readers will attest to, I am all about society. Cultural, technological and scientific progress is just tits, and derives directly from the fact that we've banded together in such unreasonably large and cumbersome groups. On the other hand Civilization has always been based on, shall we say, coercive conscription and that is pretty fucking evil.

There is much to be said concerning the wonderful things a large group can accomplish, but all of those things are only possible because of the most basic action of a group. Bullying. While many groups function by accumulating like-minded people, those like-minded people then have the odious duty to enforce their common beliefs upon those in their vicinity. Now this isn't always violent, and it certainly isn't always bad, but it is always oppressive. And the larger the group gets the more power they have to enforce those beliefs and the more territory they need, and so the more people come under their authority, willing or not. Now this is fucked up enough when people are being forced from their homes, but what happens when there isn't anywhere to flee?

We've talked about this before, Brian had a very insightful post about the lack of unclaimed land and what that means, but that's only part of it. It is definitely fucked up that you can't opt out of society, but it is so much more fucked up that you can't opt out of civilization. Say I don't want to be a U.S. citizen anymore. My option is to go to another country that I find more tolerable. What about people who don't find any country tolerable, and just want to strike out on their own. First you would have to go somewhere that isn't already claimed by some group or another, which as previously discussed is a troublesome prospect at best. Then you'd have to make sure whatever magical land you landed on doesn't have any resources someone would want, because then they'd come and take it, and you'd have no claim to stop them. Now sure, this has always been true to some extent, but its a relatively recent phenomena that the people coming and forcing you off your land can do so exclusively from another fucking continent. Assuming you've managed to survive in this probably barren, distant and unlikely new home, you then have to hope you didn't leave behind any reason for someone to come looking for you, lest you draw the wrong kind of attention and someone buys your land out from under you to put up a factory or a landfill or something. The U.N. Universal Declaration of Human Rights is quite clear that everyone has the right to a nationality, but gives no mention of those who would rather not involve themselves in such an endeavor as a nation. The entire document is framed entirely as a means of protecting the individual within the framework of the State.

The idea that someone wouldn't want to participate in society is alien to us, which kind of makes sense when you account for the fact that civilization has historically been highly interested in justifying itself as the best or only way to live, even and especially when opposed by another civilization. Everyone likes to think that they have a monopoly on awesome, and the more like-minded people you get together the more certain they become of that monopoly. All they have to do is convince the unenlightened, or show the reticent, or kill the barbarians. And those that feel lost or broken under the yoke of the Group, well these days they can either wither away in depression and obscurity, wondering why they always feel so oppressed, or they can slowly work themselves to death trying to numb themselves against a world with no regard for their personhood. I can't fault that we're not all "forced" to participate, but its pretty fucked up that they make us watch.