Remake 6: Seriously, Do I NEED To Make More Of These?

I have complained about Hollywood doing oodles of remakes before but I just saw some shit that makes remaking Spider-man seem somewhat sane. So the last of the Sam Raimi Spider-man flicks came out in 2007 and the newer Spider-man movie reboot came out 5 years later. I remember thinking "this is a short turn around time" when I initially heard about the remake, but Disney has just announced that a movie that got no love in the theaters in 2012. John Carter, a movie that I have not seen because it looked... just awful, is being remade. Its been two and a half fucking years! Also, we got two movies about Hercules in the same year. That's two reboots within seven months. I am legend, The Grudge, and Cabin Fever are also getting remakes. I found a list, and there is some disturbing stuff on there.

The worst part about Cabin Fever in particular is that the remake will be using Eli Roth's script from the first film. In one of my first posts on this blog I quoted Marc Maron's bit about consumerism in which we will constantly buy into the latest rehashed shit, even if it looks like shit, because its "new". This is that, but they are selling the exact same shit we already bought back to us in a new box.

On that note I would like to add some new amendments to my rules for film. The first was that Spoilers only count if the movie is less than 10 years old. The second, remakes should only be made if the original movie was terrible, or if the original wasn't what the writer and/or director wanted to produce. The remake of Fright Night is a good example. It uses the original premise and improves upon it greatly. None of this "use the same script" bullshit. The third rule will be that reboots, that is telling the same story in the same way such as Spider-man, should be avoided if at all possible. But, if you absolutely have to make it you need to wait until the movie you are remaking is old enough to drink. That way it targets a new generation instead of bogging down one generation with 3 different spider-men.

There is another option if Hollywood doesn't feel like listening to an internet blogger (because I have TONS of pull with those people, you know) is that we, as consumers could stop going to see the remakes/reboots. Just stop. Resist the urge. Go see independent films, show the movie industry that we won't stand for their shit. Fuck, just stay home and jack it, at least then your two hours will amount to something, and if nothing else it wont cost 12 bucks plus concessions.